Day 12. Started walking in the evenings and my sleep is starting to get leveled out. Still not a lot of energy. One day at a time.
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Day One. Not for the first time, but Iām trying again. Trying to see it as evidence of my resilience and not my failure, but donāt think Iām convincing myself just yet.
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Congrats 
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Good morning TS folks. I made it to day 10 again!! Double digits always feels nice. Had a great weekend with my family and looking forward to taking on this week sober. My oldest daughters Birthday was Thursday last week and we had a few of her friends over to swim and play. I did it all sober. Itās terrible but every year her birthday party is my addictionās excuse to get fucked up on pills and a few white claws because ya know that stuff all makes me more fun and social. š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦ NOT!!! Being sober and patient and clear headed makes me more fun. Iāve never had a problem being social ever in my life so I do not need anything. Iām feeling tired and a little queesy this morning but I figure my body is still going through some physical stuff. Next Sunday we leave for a little 4day get away. We all need it. I think it will be a lot of fun. Have a magnificent Monday TS community. 
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Iām here, Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 323
Iām not sure how I should feel about today.
Yāall know my former best, oldest and closest friend right? The guy who started doing drugs again.
I wrote about him yesterday or the day before. Heās been having some trouble with his girlfriend. And totally screwed that relationship. And heās been chasing us for day to get a babysitter because his Ma has been really ill.
His Ma passed yesterday evening. And this morning he called us because he wanted a new lock for his house. Because he was afraid that his girlfriend would come and steal his stuff while he was at his sisterās place for the funeral arrangements.
We had a lock for him so he quickly came over here. Telling us that he lost his glasses in the lake last week. Asking if he could borrow money for new ones. This guy has really expensive prescription glasses so we told him that we donāt have that kind of money. While he was here his Pa who lives like a 15 min car ride from our house called and said heāll lend him the money, if he came over for a quick visit to pick them up.
My friend ofc had his son, an 8 y/o boy with him here. Which yāall know I completely adore, amd sometimes wish it was my kid,even if he has a heck of a temper. I feel so much for this little boy. When they arrived I could tell that my friend was really high, and at first I didnāt even wanted to go out and talk to him. But I weāve been friends for so long, going through so much. And both of us just lost a parent so I couldnāt just ignore it. I sent the kid in to play with my boys. Hugged my friend and talked to him deeply for a few minutes.
But it was almost impossible to get a normal conversation.
When he was about to leave, I just got a feeling that I didnāt want any of them to go. I felt it so strong that I almost got ill thinking about it. My friend was unstoppable and in the moment when he was about to call for his little boy to jump in the car. My boys and his boy starts to laugh hysterically because they where playing. So I begged him to let the boy stay and play for the day. But I also told him that I had no intention of keeping the boy for weeks so he better get someone to pick him up during the evening.
And once again I asked him not to drive especially not without glasses. I said that we could have his Pa over here instead.
But my friend insisted on driving, and I couldnāt proof that he really was high so i didnāt stop him.
About five minutes after he left he called us to let us know that heād been in a car crash, and totally wrecked the car. The back of the car, where his boy usually sits was just mash. We tried to ask him if he was alright but we didnāt get an answer. And during those minutes we had the firefighters driving by on our road with full sirens really quickly. They are the first responders her. We barely hung up before one of my husbandās bosses called. The boss is married to my friends sister. And he had just called them to say that he crashed, and that the boy is at our place.
During that call we had both the ambulance and the police driving by our house, also in full speed with sirens.
We talked to the boss, and he said that my friend apparently had speeded a lot, considering the miles he drove during that short amount of time. And that when he talked to him this morning he had revealed that heād taken a lot of drugs during the night, and some amphetamines during this morning to stay awake.
We arenāt sure about my friends condition, but Iām sure that theyāll take his license, and probably put him to jail for this. Hopefully hell get into rehab to.
Iām 100 % there was a sign from the universe, call it intuition or whatever that made me keep the boy here. Even if Iāve said for days that I refuse to babysit him.
If I hadnāt insisted on keeping him, he might have been dead by now.
At the same time I really regret that we didnāt force my friend to stay here, by taking the keys or whatever. It might have saved him to.
I havenāt told the little boy yet. And I donāt know what will happened to him. But me and my husband have agreed that if they need somewhere to place him temporarily weāre going to volunteer so he can keep going to school where he have all his friends. And stays at a place that he knows.
Happy Monday everyone, Iāll keep you updated as soon as I know more.
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Nice number! 
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God, what a situation. Glad the boy is ok, but what will happen to the dad? And how will the family deal with the death and the police, etc? Just awful.
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Unfortunately I donāt know. We donāt even know what condition heās in for now. Weāre waiting for updates. Iām pretty sure the father is going to jail or rehab after this. Rehab would probably be the best. Itās a horrible situation for the family. And I really hope it all works out to the best for all of them.
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Quick update.
My friend was released from the hospital, heās okey. Theyāve done a lot of blood tests to check for drugs, he was just here with his father Aka the kids grandpa. Picked up the kid and went home.
When it was just me and my friend indoors he said to me that heās giving up. Iāve got a bad feeling about this, and I really didnāt wanted to leave the boy to him. It doesnāt feel right.
But on the other hand, Iāve got no right to keep him either.
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Fist full of 5ās there , fabulous work 
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Welcome, fabulous place here to startā¦
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Hey everyone, checking in on day 400! I think thatās a pretty awesome way to start the week. I hope everybody has a productive and sober Monday!
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@CATMANCAM thank you for your encouragement. Day 25 and tense because I know in other occasions I failed at this point. Working as much I can every day my recovery
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@MrsOdh praying for the difficult situation. May you receive a light yo understand what itās the best thing to do
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Your sobriety proved invaluable this morning. Well done on doing your best in such a difficult situation. I hope everything works out for everyone.
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Day 355
Havenāt been on here much the past few days and I am too far behind to catch up on everyoneās posts. I keep trying to read through them but I have too much on my mind and I canāt focus.
Iāve been thinking about dropping out of my bike race next month, or at least dropping down from the 480 to the 240. My brain has been trying to talk me out of the race for a month or so. I kept plodding on with my training ignoring the doubt but it started wearing me down. My knee and hip issues are especially concerning. Before now they havenāt been an issue when Iām on the bike so I wasnāt in a rush to get the mri needed to confirm and treat the issues. Saturday I went for a 130 mile ride. Pedaled up the big rolling hills 65 miles to Lake Superior. Had planned to take a long winding gravel route back that would have made it a 150 mile day but my knee was giving me a lot trouble with locking up and pain on the bike out of nowhere so I took some extra time stretching and took the same way back home that I came from to take off a few miles.
I cried on the way home when I was convinced my brain had won and talked me into dropping from my race. The sun was so hot and no shade on the road, headwinds, relentless rolling hills and I just couldnāt imagine going on another day and a half like that the way I will need to for the race.
The worst part of it is that my training has really paid off and other than the knee and mind stuff I felt amazing. It went so much better than the other times I have done that ride. So yesterday (Sunday) my brain went the opposite way and tried to convince me Iām overreacting, that I can do it and just need to calm down. Iām torn and just trying to get in for my mri now to see if thereās something to minimize my knee pain and move forward as planned.
I canāt shake this doubt though and itās eating away at me.
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Day 402 clean and sober today. Iām really going to step up today and confront them about the job. All last week they said they would call me at the end of the day and they never did. Itās not like I know what Iām going to do for work if I donāt get the job but I donāt think itās fair to keep leaving me hanging. If they were still waiting for the background check to come back then they couldāve said that but they didnāt. My whole life is on hold it seems. Iāve already started putting in applications for other peer support positions though and will follow up with them today. Have a wonderful day today, love you guys!!! 
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That is an amazing accomplishment!! I donāt think I could ride a bike 10 miles lol great job!!!
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65 days: Good morning, day, or night, amigos! Iām gaining some very important lessons from needing to ask for help with this wrist situation. I had to learn how to stop saying sorry every time I needed help. I had to stop being so stubborn and just say ācan you please help me.ā I had to focus on gratitude a whole lot more and say thank you. I had to admit that I wasnāt āokā sometimes and that it was alright to not be ok. I had to accept that my husband is busy and doing his best and I had to let go of my expectations for certain things like a clean kitchen 
And I had to cry some tears in frustration but then shake it off and let go. Iām sober, Iām pretty happy honestly and Iām finding joy in things like my walks with Lupe and my garden, chats on the phone and messages from friends. Sending some grateful love your way today, amigos. 
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Good morning everyone. Yesterday was my sons 18th birthday and I got to see it sober, I didnāt drink the feelings away that eww wee I had no idea were going to happen. And I let my son become a man with class THAT IS THANKS TO THE PEOPLE HERE!! I just got sober not even a month ago and Iām having to for real let my baby boy go. Heās lived with his two best friends for about six months now. But anyway itās the feeling that came with it that truly caught me off guard. Well I donāt know about anything else but I know I went to sleep for the 26th time last night and woke up sober for the 27th time today and I am so blessed for that
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