I’m sure there will be more races Jess. You listen to your body. Don’t fuck up your knee and/or your hip. I missed opportunities for great sporting achievements in the past due to injury. I know the frustration and I know the feeling of wanting to do stuff regardless of the consequences. But now I’m very happy I didn’t force it back then and now I’m still going pretty strong at 55 years old. Our lives are just like endurance races. We only got one body. We have to take care of it and we have to listen to it, just like we listened when we quit our DOC’s. You take care of you lady.
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I second @Mno Menno. Your body clearly wants to tell you something. I am not at all that strong. I love cycling as well and when I read besides your mind stuff. I guess the mind will have to be the strongest in the race, you know that. In the end it’ll be 100% psychological. Body has to work like a machine, function.
Yesterday, Jan Frodeno, won an Ironman distance triathlon in under 7h30. So what? I mean in the end, we really have only one body in this life and we have to listen to what he tells us. Too often we ignore it. Throw pain killers and other stuff so that it works as we wish.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. 
I remember 2014 when I finished my PhD and the next day we headed to the Alps for a MTB crossing. I was looking forward to it. Trained well. All was good. After the second day, the weather changed dramatically plus I couldn’t get my f*** numbers down. So basically my body was starving crying for carbs, the we happily floating in my.blood, inaccessible. I felt like shit kept telling me, nooo, you have to go on. This is only an excuse. After some hours I said I would end it, go back. Long discussions, blaaah, we all decided to go back due to the weather as well. But in my mind it was me and my non working body that spoiled the trip. I have to live with what I have and most of the times it’s okay and often my body shows me the limitations.
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New update. We was on our way to the store when it knocked hard on the door. I thought ot might be the police, because of the car accident. But it was my friend’s Pa.
We ended up having a really long, over an hour conversation about his son aka my drug using friend. The death of his mother (My friend’s parents have been divorced for about 30 years because she was on drugs until the day she died)
I’ve never been happier meeting that man than I was today. And clearly he needed someone to talk to. Not only about his concerns for my friend but about life in general and the death of his former wife. The feelings he has against his son (my friend) and all other things.
He also asked if we might be able to help him with his house. And informed us that my friends sister also have drug problems. I had no idea about that, but my husband had suspected that for a while.
We agreed to keep doing Check ups and trying to look after my friend and most definitely his kid.
My friend’s father also said that he’ll take the kid in if the authorities wants to place him.
No matter how much I believe that this man does care about my friend and his grandkid. I don’t want the boy to end up there. My friend is raised the same way as I am. And his father is truly a sweet man, but he’s old-school in a bad way considering raising a kid.
But it felt really good to be able to talk with him clean and sober. And sitting there having a conversation like that with my background story. Give some insight, and being able to comfort him and show that things can turn. That it is possible to go from Rock bottom to clean and sober, with a nice family, plans for the future and everything good going for you.
He said it gave him hope. And that he’ll be back soon. He did unfortunately prove that my suspicions have been right. My friend is heavily on drugs again,and has been for a very long time.
Hopefully this is his wake up call.
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There will be more races! A big thing for me over the last couple of years has been learning to let go. Taking care of yourself isn’t a failure 
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@Mephistopheles Thanks! life is different but good. Barely working out, taking a long break with everything and that’s been nice.
And thank you everyone for the support, it means a lot to me 
I should clarify that I have 600 days of writing down my gratitude. It’s one of the things I’m really proud of in my recovery.
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It did, in more than one way actually.
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Attempt number zillion
Post number 1
Day 3
Nice to meet you all!
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Hey Jess. Glad your checking in. I always want to get caught up here too but sometimes I just can’t. I’m learning it’s ok. I have to remind myself that I’m checking in for my recovery.
It’s taken me years to listen to my body. My brain always gets in the way. Such a hard difficult decision to have to make after you been training so hard. Thanks for your share. I’m going to continue to try and listen to my body and not let my brain play games with me.
Sometimes after a nice meditation or a long hot relaxing shower when my body and brain are relaxed I make the best decisions.
Congrats on 355 days. Maybe you got some milestone pressure there too.
You rock 
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Welcome Billy.
Congratulations on day 3.
This is a great place for support. Pull up a chair. Coffee is always on. Have a good read around. Lots of great people here just trying to not pick up that first drink or DOC.
Check this thread out if you’re willing.
Most of all have an open mind.
Hope to see you around.
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Wow. I’m so glad you listened to your gut. Just thinking of the boy in that car… Gives me chills.
I have to say, that friend of yours makes me angry. So irresponsible. I hope this is a wake up call. Too bad that his son has to pay the price.
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Checking in at the end of day 197.
Had more cravings today. Bit annoying, really. Was a bit hungry and a bit dehydrated so I just didn’t engage with it. Grabbed a few mixed nuts and drank two pints of water and just watched it slip away.
Did some adulting this evening, which I loved - now that it’s over. Bank messages, moving money, paying bills, tax conversations, pension business, etc. The kind of stuff that I would have avoided by being smashed in the past. Come to think of it, probably part of the reason I had cravings earlier on. 
I’ll sleep a lot better tonight knowing that it’s all done.
Life is so much better now.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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He makes me totally furious too. And thinking if the kid in the car gives me chills as well. My blood turned ice cold when I saw the car wreck.
But honestly I’m happy that he probably won’t be able to drive again, like ever. His license is suspended for three weeks during the investigation. But considering the suspicions I have he probably won’t be getting it back ever.
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Not having a licence won’t stop people from driving, sadly. All the best to you and your hubby in trying to help. As a sidenote, with so much going on in that village of yours, you could shoot Emmerdale in reality tv-style… Phew!
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Starting to feel like I’m on more even ground and adjusting to the new meds dose, although I’m still sleeping a lot but it’s only a couple of weeks so will give it some more time.
Heard back from the job interview and they didn’t offer me the job, said someone else was a better fit and I am overqualified. But they want to talk to me about doing something a bit more at my level but for less hours. I’m a mix of disappointed and pleased, the idea of dropping down a bit is kind of appealing but in reality it would probably be harder to pull back than just do the type of work that I’m used to. Nice that they might want to make space for me too, although it isn’t a sure thing. So we will see.
Made the most of the sunshine today with a wander round the charity shops, picked up some new (to me!) clothes I wanted and had a lemon sorbet from the gelato shop in town. Stopped at a pub for a soda and lime and got chatting to another lady sitting on her own which was nice. That’s the thing I miss about going to the pub, having people to go with! Screw the booze.
Been slacking on housework recently so will pick up a bit of that this evening and make some dinner. My bf has been super patient with and supportive of me while I’ve been going through this process of letting go and I don’t want to take advantage of that.
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Welcome
And it only takes one time 
I think you’ll be just fine
@Ooooops congrats on your week 
, hope the climb was enjoyable and the view from the top even more so 
@Lionfish congrats on 600 days of gratitude 
@TheWolf congrats on 50 days
@Beccy81 @Mag welcome back
@jjcarson92 congrats on all the 5s
@Briella1 congrats on double digits
@MrsOdh woah that some scary stuff, so glad you kept his son safe I hope your friend will find recovery
@Nordique congrats on 400 days
@Billy_Loomis welcome congrats on 3 days
343 days no alcohol.
311 days no cocaine.
Gym review scan results showed improvements in most areas except visceral fat, which makes no sense to me as I have lost fat and weight since my first scan. 
I have now added some resistance work to my program so looking forward to starting that properly tomorrow, I’m prepared for my body to scream obscenities at me whilst doing so but I’ll push through it and hopefully will adjust after a few workouts. It was so weird being at the gym without the restrictions, will take some getting used to, I’m still going to be wearing my mask everywhere anyway.
My dad and step-brothers are all feeling good again now but my dad’s wife can’t even move out of bed with fatigue. I hope she doesn’t end up with chronic fatigue/long-Covid
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@Mno @Rockstar24777 @Diamonster @siand @Dazercat
Thank you for your replies! Y’all are wonderful and your words are helping me accept that I will likely not be racing.
I really do need to remember this. Might make it a mantra for awhile. I am always stubborn and want to push myself as hard as I can. Anything less is hard for me to accept but I’m learning.
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On Day 2 again. Disappointed in myself, but I am learning things still and really trying to grasp that all the time I spend sober still counts for something. I’ve been sober 37 of the last 40 days, which 45 days ago I couldn’t even envision for myself.
I’ve started in AA and have a temporary sponsor and it’s really helping. Just for today, this hour, this minute, I can do anything. I want to get to the point where the obsession with drinking (I am accepting that it is obsession) starts to fade.
I hope you all have a beautiful sober day.
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Wow @MrsOdh, I am blown away by that story. You saved that boys life!! 
I hope this is his dad’s wake up call.
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