Congratulations!
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Lots to go through, thoughts are with you, strength sent. Eat well, hydrate well before the serviceā¦ ā¦ stand up slowlyā¦ take care.
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Checking out.substance free forā¦
My addict is alive again. I have no idea what I am doing wrong, anyways I am grateful that I am self aware.
I was driving today, I think I was a little lonely, I think that I might be grieving a relationship I will never have with my child. Itās not something I have ever admitted or let pass my lips or finger tips but I think that I am. I am very grateful she is healthy and I am grateful she is verbal but it is still hard. Anyways all summer I have been trying to get her out of the house with me and its near impossible, we work on it with a therapist. I spend a lot of time alone wishing she could enjoy time at the quiet lake I go to or just be a kid at the beach but being on the spectrum seems to stop her from enjoying this. My addict saw the soft spot and he dove right in. The strangest thing was he switched up his game and was offering me new improved versions of what heād offered me before. It was almost like he knew " well that hasnāt worked letās try thisā¦"
Well that didnāt work either fuck faceā¦ I chanted the 3rd step prayer so hard as I drove down the hwy to the metaphysical store. I couldnāt believe how much bartering I had been doing before I realized what was happening. Anyways what matters is I didnāt pick up, instead I filled my spirit and got my butt home to fill my spirit some more.
@Tomek I hear you, somedays all we can do is get to bed clean. Sending love.
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You filled your spirit. You didnāt pick up. You have your sobriety. You have your meeting people, you have the people here, you have the safe sanctuary of your filled spirit and your home. Sorry you were tangled up and upset. I hope the feeling will leave you. I hope things will get better with your daughter. Can you join her in something/anything she likes to do? Watch TV? Bake a cake for the āoccasionā
Sending positive thoughts and love that it will get better.
Mother daughter relationships can be hard. Iām glad youāre ( I think) happy w your Mom.
If your therapist upset you forget about it for now and talk to him later?
Just glad youāre home safe. Good days, bad days.
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Day 78 AF
Emotions are up and down like crazy lately. I seem easily triggered lately but still managing to maintain my sobriety. Itās all about the choices we make in our lives I suppose.
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- Coffee. Another rainy Sunday. TBH Iām happy with this wet cool summer. Itās what Dutch summers are supposed to be. It makes me glad to see the green lushness all around. And glad I can enjoy 'm to the fullest, not bothered by hangovers, by drinking binges, by feeling the necessity to go to the bar on a Sunday afternoon to fill myself with booze before the weekends ends. I have other stuff to do. Sober stuff. Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. ODAAT. Love from Amsterdam.
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First check in 
Going into day 1633 since I stopped drinking. Dealing with new hurdles in recovery, feeling discontent and frustrated by the fact that the consequences of my mistakes are still holding me back, trying to remind myself that life happens on its own terms, in its own time, for its own reasons. Needing some serenity, trying to psych myself up to go to my first AA meeting since 2015ā¦ Thank you for being here 
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217 days
@apes2020 Its called the Velocity zip wire go over a quarry at about 90 mph 
scary but a great experience
@Hailstrom thats the one nr Snowdonia, very high and fast, totally recommend loved it
@Jennajen totally relate i had a difficult relationship with my mum when i visited always end up at a cheap b&b as could not take her put downs and i was always walking on eggshells, so uncomfortableā¦ keep strong and hope things improve. Well done on 400 days 
@Its_me_Stella thank you, now realise only liked pubs because i could drinkā¦ yes i do feel like there is positive recovery happening, no desire to drink and no desire to spend my time in a pub, no shame or hangoverā¦ so much gratititude 
@Dazercat i agree about being insane, it was terrifying at the start but felt like i was flying, so exhilarating. That smile was a petrified grimace as i was looking down the quarry. Started in the clouds so high up. Something i would not have done if drinkingā¦ thank you 
@DLS totally recommend it, so amazing, i got a video as hired a gopro and totally laugh when i hear my screaming
@Tinele well done on approaching 7 days, the first week i found hard so be proud, odaat .
@Wakikki well done for staying sober with all that stuff going on
@Lilemm cuteness overloadš¶
Back home last night, slept well.as exhausted afted a 5hr drive from Wales. Today i am taking my son back to his uni accomodation, so more tears. Been such an emotional, busy week with work, wales and today, i am so dam pleased i am going camping with my dog on tuesday for 5 days. I need the rest and solitude to process things. I am also aware i used to excel at drinking on my campouts and had my worst relapse on one. So will be on the watch for the demon voices , thats all i can do. Today i feel strong. Thats where i am looking. No further forward, that can wait til then.
Thank you this forum, you all are such a blessing to me and i would be lost without you all 
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You are doing nothing wrong, but everything right, its the demons that are wrong i am hoping they soon go as they get bored, sure they will and good job for regaining your spirit. Understand the want to share beautiful spots like a lake, walk, nature things that calm us and our souls to your daughter, but you providing the support and stability for her journey.
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Checking inā¦a bit teary tonight and I donāt know whyā¦9 days!
Iām starting to wonder if my bf and I are right for each other.
Iāve used alcohol to tune out and now that things are tuning into focus Iām wondering what Iām doing with my life and who with.
I look around and it feels like there is nobody.
Nearly caved whilst my bf was drinking beer, whiskey and wine around me over the weekend. He did cut right back which was good to see.
Itās like you start to feel good and start thinking maybe I could just have a couple on a weekend. I was never a daily drinker but could drink daily for days, but I know it always ramped up to wanting more and feeling bad, doing and saying stuff I regret and basically escaping reality until I got sick. Then Iād go back to wanting to quit again. Iām a little worried Iāll forget that and get back on it for ājust a couple on the weekendā.
Thanks for listening team 
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Just checking in to say thank you to all the people in TS that have helped me so much since I joined youāre my angels 
from near and far Iām so grateful for you all
Thank you
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Checking out, taking a break.
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Take care Tomek. Will miss you. Hope to see you soon.
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Day 373
Checking in sober. Had a drinking dream where I got shit faced off some tequila and in my dream I thought āIt must be because I havenāt been checking inā So here I amā¦ checking in sober!!! Thank god it was just a dream.
My mom took us to the beach in NC. I cannot believe I am on yet another vacation. Sober life has been good to me. If I had known life could be this good sober I would have quit the drugs and alcohol a long time ago!! Seriously, feel like I need to pinch myself sometimes.
Will be catching up on this thread soon, love you guys!! Congrats on all the milestones!!
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Hey sober family, checking in on day 413.
Iām so happy to see all the big numbers and also so humbled by those who are struggling but have the strength to return and keep trying. You guys are the real role models to me.
Have a great day everyone
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My lesson from last days !
who fits the shoeā¦
Thnxx
Ps @littlemisschatterbox ā¦ Great pics on thread 
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Day 415 clean and sober today. Iām with @Nordique, I am seeing so much strength around here this morning. @Squirt, @Tomek, @Its_me_Stella and @KellyKelly youāre doing amazing!!! So happy for you @Clarity, Iāve been feeling like I need to pinch myself too lol!!! Can hardly wait for Monday morning to start another week. I hope everyone has a wonderful day today, love you guys!!! 
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Iām sooooo freaking excited for youuuu!!! 
lol
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26 days today 
August 1st. I used to dread the beginning of months because it was a reminder that I had changed nothing and was stuck doing the same thing day in day out, waking up hungover, tired and anxious. Today feels so much different! I feel proud that for the past 26 days Iāve chosen myself, every morning I feel grateful to wake up to a new day fully present and free. The new month now feels like possibility and opportunity. Have a great day everyone!
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