Checking in daily to maintain focus #32

Day three today. Woke up sober and refreshed. Drinking a little coffee and about to pick some wild flowers.

About to listen to some stoic affirmations.

Thanks for being here, everyone. You got this!

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Just wow!!!

Honoured to see this number

@Lisa07

Another that gives me inspiration

The pair of you are Viagroā€™s!!!

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Goodmorning wonderfulls

Stay strong :muscle:

You matter
Your worth it
Your loved

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Still struggling a bit with the loss of my sweet boy but Iā€™m hanging in there. He left knowing I was in a good place in my sobriety and here I am at 900 days. Today I will not drink

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Congratulations @mleclaire!! :tada: :tada:
900 days is outstanding!!

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Checking in, back home from work. Was so pissed angry at work to day. Really wanted to drink when go home to cool off. Im now having a coffee and are every happy liquerstore is closed. Feel better now.

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It wasnt that horrible. The worst of it, for rest of the day, anytime I ate anything the burning came back. Pooping the first day wasnt the greatest either.

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image

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Idk, that sounds pretty horrible to me lol youā€™re tougher than I am!

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Or dumberā€¦probably a fine lineā€¦lol.

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@Mno youā€™re right, itā€™s still a won when we donā€™t use :raised_hands:t2: enjoy your time off :blush:
@050Nl sorry about the triggershit, congrats on getting through it though and your milstones :tada:
@vaariesga prayers for your fiancƩe :pray:t2:
@MagicILY thatā€™s really nice to hear you made a new friend :blush: also just seen your more recent post and Iā€™m proud of you for how far youā€™ve come and finding healthier ways to alter your state :raised_hands:t2:
@Its_me_Stella youā€™ve came so far from the nightmare you describe, Iā€™m proud of you :blue_heart: congrats on 600 days :tada:
@anon74766472 thatā€™s the dilemma hey, we have no choice but to try to moderate with it, Iā€™m so frustrated with it at the moment, itā€™s gets out of control so quickly :pensive:
@OldDogNewTricks congrats on 3+ weeks AF and 1+ week nicotine free, smashing it! :tada:
@beachmouse congrats on changing the dialogue :tada:
@C_8 congrats on catching the devilish number :smiling_imp: love the duck :duck::smiley:
@MolotovMoxie Welcome :blush: congrats on choosing sobriety :tada:

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@Stormy aerial hoop sessions sound awesome! :star_struck: Congrats on your week :tada:
@Lisa07 sorry about the co-worker :pensive: but congrats on 23 months :tada:
@Dazercat congrats on your sugar free week :tada:
@Noshame sorry to hear :pensive: but congrats on getting back up :tada:
@Anonymouse78 congrats on 5 months :tada:
@1in8billion sorry youā€™re struggling, sending strength :blue_heart::pray:t2:
@Wakikki congrats on 2 weeks :tada:
@Tim904 welcome back :slightly_smiling_face: congrats on 2 days :tada:
@icebear congrats on 70 days :tada:
@apes2020 love days like this :smiley::raised_hands:t2: Iā€™m due one soon hopefully! :pray:t2::crossed_fingers:t2:

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Day 59. Seriously everyday just feels like itā€™s on repeat, canā€™t ever sleep, never getting anything done. Iā€™m doing my praying, Iā€™m trying to read some literature, in drawing Iā€™m trying to keep busy but I just have this feeling, that I donā€™t want to do anything. I donā€™t want to go hike a mountain of do anything, I donā€™t even want to be sober anymore. And Iā€™m sik of being in this little self pitty bullshit. I donā€™t want to drink or do drugs either but I just want to feel fucking normal for one day

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@Ooooops congrats on your week :tada:
@residentevil welcome back :slightly_smiling_face: congrats on 4 months and 4 days :tada:
@siand I hope you both enjoy the party :pray:t2::blush:
@Iwebt congrats on 4 weeks :tada:
@Soundlab congrats on 2 weeks :tada: enjoy the sea swim :swimming_man:
@mleclaire so sorry again for your loss, :blue_heart: heā€™s wagging his tail somewhere for your 900 days, congrats :tada:

376 days no alcohol.
344 days no cocaine.

Havenā€™t checked in since Wednesday evening. Was late home from the meal for my step brotherā€™s and brotherā€™s birthdays on Thursday, the meal was nice, the music was so loud I couldnā€™t hear any of the conversation, so mainly spoke to my sister in law and niece who were opposite me, weā€™ve always got along so was nice.

I havenā€™t been out for exercise since Tuesday afternoon. I have binged 2-3 times a day from Weds-now. Itā€™s gotten so out of control so quickly again. I had my ED review, she says itā€™s likely not going to get better until Iā€™ve progressed through the longer term therapy, she was able to confirm I am on the waiting list, so that was reassuring. I am planning, against advice, to attempt the meal-replacement diet again, to try to lose 2 stone in a month, I totally understand itā€™s not healthy but Iā€™m desperate to lose weight and that would be a good starting point, I know how to eat normally but I canā€™t seem to trust myself around real food at the moment so Iā€™m compelled to take it out of the equation.

Been having nightmares all week. My pain is also flared at the moment and Iā€™m so tired. Iā€™m okay though, I just need to get back on track with the ED and exercise stuff. :pray:t2:

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So im on like day 3 of No cigarettesā€¦ I am legit climbing the wall, have killed about 5 people in my head and eaten 1kg of sweets in 2 days!!!

But i am sure like everything the cravings will pass!!

I have a big decision to make and that is moving closer to my hometownā€¦ Its one that has been on my mind now for a few daysā€¦ As much as i would love to have to not look after a certain person, I canā€™t help the pull in my heartā€¦

The pros/cons have been weighedā€¦
The distance from my sister and nieces is a little far and already my sister text and told me how I have to stay as the kids want some time with me, I am legit a big child at heart and have no issues playing with a 4 year old and his train track for hoursā€¦ Or making arts n crafts with the 8 year old or even handling a cuddle from these little cherubs who Iā€™ve missed 5/6 years of their lives. I canā€™t miss anymore, Iā€™m the funny aunt, the aunt that gets shit done!

But i am also a daughter with a mother whose mental health is detorating and thou i dont appreciate the violence that she decides to still tryā€¦ There is something in my put of my stomach that just canā€™t walk awayā€¦
Maybe itā€™s knowing that loneliness or maybe itā€™s because you canā€™t stop loving your mother. :sob:.

So today all I have done is drawn to escape.

I hope you are all having a brighter day
Stay clean
Remember youā€™re a recovering addict.

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Faith without works is dead. Prayer without listening is deaf. Youā€™ll sit in it as long as you can stand it. If you are missing something go find it, whatever it is.

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Go APRIL!!! Super woman!! :woman_superhero: Thatā€™s amazing, I hope I have a day like that soon!!! Iā€™ve been stuck in a rut for 10 days now. But you give me hope.

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It sounds so stupid when I say this but I have a hard time comprehending what you say. The other day you said I do alot of talking but no listening, and itā€™s honestly not that I donā€™t listen but that I donā€™t understand ppl sometimes. It probably doesnā€™t make sense and itā€™s hard to explain. Idk whatā€™s missing, everything is honestly fine in life, I have two beautiful girls, a roof over my head, a Harley, you know I have all this stuff to be grateful for but the hardest time actually being grateful for it. Even when I go for a hike I donā€™t enjoy it, itā€™s seriously so stupid that I canā€™t just enjoy this stuff I feel anger the whole time

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After you pray do you meditate? Do you want for guidance? Your HP isnā€™t just going to remove everything bad all at once. The HP will show you the way. You just need to be listening for it

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Thank you.