Day 445 clean and sober today. Woke up to thunder and lightning storms, how awesome!!! Have a great day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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Congratulations @Complicatedmama well done!!! So happy and so proud of the goals you have accomplished!!!
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Checking in at the end of day 240.
Love being sober.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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I felt like that too at the begining of my first summer. It was a post on here that I believe @Dan531 had been responding to @anon53116147 on his old account. Mike had been feeling just like I was at the timeā¦ pissed off everyone was having fun at the beach drinking, on the cruises partying. Dan put it back into perspective for me and I think for Mike too. He reminded us that out of all those people we see āhaving an amazing time partyingā how many of them probably wished they could stop drinking too. How many of them were on the verge of burning their lives down. You know what we see from the sidelines isnāt always what is happening. I do understand and FOMO is a real thing these days with all the social media making lives look so appealingā¦ making booze look so appealing. Just try to remember itās not necessarily the reality.
I am so glad you are back right away trying again. Donāt ever stop trying, come ask us if we think itās a good idea to grab a drink next time. If you can give me enough good reasons why itās an amazing idea I might even join you. 
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Day 398
I have avoided posting this week. I come on here, read a little, start writing a draft and I end scrapping it. Life is throwing some shit at me, and every time I go to write about it I have decided to walk away and avoid thinking about it.
Had my MRI for my knee back on the 12th, missed a call from my dr about it a week later on the 19th but he said he would call the following day. I watched my phone and he never called. Their office then closed for the weekend, watched my phone again on Monday throughout the work day and he still didnāt call. The next day when I was off I tried to follow up to find out he was out of town and would be through the end of August. The waiting game continues.
My mum has also been having health issues. A throat lump that initial testing they didnāt think was anything but suggested a biopsy. Her sister had similar a few years ago and waited, then finally when she did have a biopsy it wasnāt anything so she was pushing my mum to wait. My stepdad and I didnāt agree with this and were able to persuade her to get the biopsy. Turns out itās thyroid cancer. She conference called me and my sister at the same time to tell us this past Thursday. They both cried on the phone and I just went completely numb. The oncologist that was recommended to her didnāt have any openings until the 7th but there was a cancellation and she was able to get an appointment today.
My thoughts of drinking the past few weeks have gotten worse. In avoiding drinking, my ED has gotten out of control. Reading others here trying to address this has made me realize how bad it is and that I was ignoring my own problem. Iām good about having a healthy breakfast after my workout, then feel overwhelmed and stop eating the rest of the day. Most days an hour or two before bed I feel guilty for not eating during the day and end up binging junk. With the high volume of training, I have been justifying this. Now since my mumās news though I havenāt even been eating a healthy breakfast. Mostly just coffee, sometimes a protein bar or a stroop waffle. Starting a new counter today. I need to break this cycle! Today is day 1.
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Thinking about you and yours. Lots of hard youāre facing. ODAAT. Sorry about the mri, too hope the results will be good in the end. Glad you posted. Youāre not alone.
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Iām really sorry youāre going through so much right now, love and strength heading your way. 
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Check out Joe Dispenzaās work and see if itās up your alley. Some of it might be useful in changing your thought patterns in general by making new neural pathways. Good luck.
I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Sending you a huge hug, I understand.
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@Dazercat thank you so much 
@Complicatedmama prayers for your son 
sending strength for the packing challenge, stressful for sure but must feel so much better knowing when you unpack it all it will be in your own home, congrats to that 
@icebear congrats on 80 days thatās exactly what it feels like, and we all know moderation isnāt possible for people like us 
but alas Iāve got to keep trying 
@KellyKelly welcome back 
@anon9289869 sorry youāre having to wait so long for your MRI results. Sorry too, about your mumās diagnosis, sending prayers Solidarity re ED stuff, there seems to be a lot of us battling with it here
386 days no alcohol.
354 days no cocaine.
No sooner than I checked in here last night, was I ordering more food. I binged even worse than the previous night. It gets worse every time I ārelapseā on food, itās never been to the point where I feel physically ill before, but these past two nights have been truly awful. Iāve had no sleep just pain and digestive issues. Currently feeling the relief of having no immediate cravings or urges to binge, the pain has settled somewhat also, it has been 7.5 hours. Iāve bought a new book today, called āWhy we eat too muchā, hoping it might be insightful. Any information I can give my brain that might help in some way is worth a try at this point. I feel so hungry but Iāve got no desire to eat anything. Iām going to try shakes only now, if I canāt stick to that then itās back to the therapy meal plan, which is not what I want, but can recognise it may be what I need .
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When I was trying to loose weight. (And I know this ED stuff is way very different) my relaxation meditation guy made me some CDs back then on Mindful Eating. The mindful eating one was not hypnotic and I listened to it in the car and on my walks over and over and over again. And he made me 3 other actual hypnotic meditation CDs about relaxation and food. I made time and listened to them once or twice a day. I know thereās a lot of meditation apps out there. Right now Iām listening to the No Sugar meditation on my Breethe App.
Maybe this isnāt for you maybe it is. Or maybe someone else out here could use it. Just thought Iād throw it out there.
And by the way.
I think youāre pretty awesome.
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How you holding up?
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17.6 days 
felt good at work today very patient and on it! Feeling exhausted tonight however but i have been doing some stretch excersizes and yoga after work now too!
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25 days, tired AF, and AF 
Woow bad sense of humor I get when tired 
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Day 128.
6.18am.
11 degrees.
Spring has sprung my friends! 
It will be 23 degrees today, and 25 tomorrow!!
This warms my heart. The earth comes to life again. All the wildlife have there babies at the lake. I actually seen the first of the season yesterday with the black swans and there babies
I found two palm trees where my cockatoos have nested and had there babies, so if nature is kind to them, I might actually get to see them grow from babies. The mum and dad fully trust me so who knows, maybe they will introduce me to there babies when they are old enough to fly down from the palm treeā¦ I might buy some mini binoculars from amazon so I can see there progress.
I just opened my window to let the morning air in and I can smell Jasmin whifting through the air already. My favorite part of spring, when the first jasmin blooms. The smell just lifts your spirit!
Its 12 weeks till summer, which means only 12 weeks to whip my bod into shape 
the clock starts today.
We find out the length of our further lockdown extension today apparentlyā¦ I just really want to go back to work at this point. Literally no idea when that will be. I am grateful that I donāt have kids or a morgage to maintain at this point, I truly do not know how other humans are doing it having dependents and serious responsibilities in lockdown with no incomeā¦
But first coffee, then meditate
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Hi everyoneā¦hope youāre all doing great.
I am in excruciating pain from my shoulder but booked in for injections to hopefully make it better.
I am feeling tempted to smoke pot to get through this pain coz I know Iād feel better. Itās natural too and I hate painkillers. But I know for me I will feel that addiction and it will be weeks of smoking until I work myself up to quit again. This has been a lifelong struggle but the recent addiction has lasted 5 years. Along with the alcohol, it has to gooooo!
It will be another sober day today! 
8 days pot free
Going for 2 days AF
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Congrats on your 33 days Mel. I love the screen shot. I see a need to be well balanced and the struggle of walking the tight rope of sobriety.
And āwe willā reach for those stars.
Youāre awesome lady 
Keep up the good work.
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Thank youā¦Iām glad I saw these encouragements as my notifications donāt seem to be working 
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You check your settings?
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ā¦1258. Soberā¦and exhausted. Work has been insane. Ms. Monkey and her son went to a concert for so much needed mother son time.
As an alcoholic I would dread being alone like this. Deep down, before I could admit I was an alcoholic, I scared my self. Times like this I would destroy myself with alcohol.
Now, I am content with the silence of alone time. Allowing the body and the mind to rest.
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