Oh you must be younger than me April my cut off is 1 pm. Hahahah
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Iām so sorry for your loss, @Noshame. Iām glad you are grieving in sobriety.
Checking in sober and worn out. Itās been another long day but I feel appropriately beat and ready for a great night of sleep. Hope everyone rests peacefully.
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I have also tossed this idea around a bit and each time I come back to the same questionā¦ Why?
I know for sure I am not in any place emotionally to be able to give myself to anyone. Sexually canāt say I am interested without the emotional part, and honestly I am even questioning then but that a whole other topic. Company wiseā¦ I have soooo much company, and I really value my alone time. After I dug it all apart it seemed to me it was just out of habit. This is the longest I have been without a relationship or a fuck buddy or whatever in my lifeā¦ well since I was 13. It is uncomfortable even if I am comfortable if that makes any sense. I KNOW for a fact that if I were to hook up with someone it would go south really fast. I am not whole yet and history tells me that just wonāt doā¦
So I just keep pushing that idea out of my head when it appears. That is my codependency rearing itās ugly head and Iām trying to behead that bitch.
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3 oāclock in the morning and only another 4 hours to go until I finish work and go to bed. When I was drinking I would never have considered working night shifts, when the hell would I find time to drink? Stupid question bc we always find time to drink, I just wouldnāt be at my job very long before I got fired. Happy days all
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Thanks for sharing that with me Stella I appreciate it very much. Yeah Iām just going to give up on the idea of meeting someone for awhile, it is what it is. That thing we talked about that Faith did is still fucking with my head and itās hard for me to shake it. I was actually healing believe it or not and then that happened. Just bummed out a lot. Thanks for all the support 
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Day 89. Crashing into bed with sore legs from cycling. Good night, World.
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9 days AF
Taking today one moment at a time. Aiming to make today AF. 
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Day 9
ODAAT eyā¦ 
Iāve been more honest than ever recently, and it feels surprisingly liberating and empowering! 
Iām alive, so things could always be worse 
Letās make something of this life shall we? 
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Morning everyone I havenāt been on here all week ! I have been so busy at work with w new system being installed and been working 10-11 hour days , getting home , tea, shower and bed !! Anyway I missed a milestone yesterday 7 months ! Really happy with that and so are my kids and partner . Still have the occasional desire for a beer , not a physical craving more of a thought of a beer or wine on a sunny day etc but never want to go back to sneaking half bottles of vodka /gin down neat and trying to pretend I wasnāt drunk .
Iām going to spend this first half hour of the day reading through the threads on here before I hit another busy day , hope everyone is doing ok
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Day 29/419 pills/booze
Watching CBeebies after the early morning wake up with my youngest!
Today I will do my work to the best of my ability, control only what I can control, and connect with a friend.
I confided in my wife a few days ago about my pill use. The world didnāt fall apart. I feel lighter.
Take care
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Well done! This is how it sneaks back up on you, huh? Iāve found it helpful to form new positive associations in my mind with a sunny day or a holiday or some other time which I would try and āmake even betterā with a drink. You are wise to recognise that the seemingly innocent drink in the sun leads to the sneaky vodka afterwards.
Have a good day
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Yep totally agree . I let the thought come i dismiss it - well you canāt Julie so move on and enjoy your surroundings rather than giving alcohol any more of my time or my thoughts- wasted enough time on it over the years and thanks !
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26 days sober today even im looking at it in disbelief!
Day off work today going to relax and eat lots of yummy food. Later i am off to my aerial hoop class first one after not working a tiring stressful day so hoping this will be a good oppurtunity to really go for it 
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Iām happy to see you here and creating. Youāre doing great.
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@apes2020 hope youāre feeling better and the interview went well 
@aemb welcome 
congrats on day one 
your cats are so cute 
@MagicILY sending strength 
@Noshame sorry for your loss congrats on double digits
@anon53116147 welcome back
@Hopeful777 congrats on the job
@Dansig congrats on 4 months
@Beccy81 welcome back
@Mno ouch! Hope your lip feels better now
@anon27760155 loving your art 
394 days no alcohol.
362 days no cocaine.
Checking in for yesterday.
Binged massively after my last check in Tuesday evening. Went and bought 2 bags of cereal, 2 cartons of chocolate oat milk (for the cereal), 2 big bags of crisps, and a big bag of pistachios, and ate the lot! 
My binges have escalated so badly since therapy ended. I never used to eat to the point I felt so ill afterwards. I tried to sleep but kept waking up choking on stomach acid, and had the most horrendous stomach cramps all night and day yesterday, ended up going to buy laxatives in the end.
Iām relieved to be feeling better now. I keep hoping that binge will be my last, but I hope that every time until the cravings start harrassing me and I give in. Really canāt wait for my next therapy to start but I donāt know if that will be anytime this year or not.
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I had a bad binge today too, and the last few days. Do you feel massively thirsty for water when you binge? I wonder if my blood sugar spikes and the thirst is my bodyās way of trying to get rid of it?
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- Early
towards therapy. Will walk the second part of the way. Clean and sober. @CATMANCAM lipās not too bad thanks. Paracetamol helps. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from the .
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256 days
@MolotovMoxie @Dansig @Julied congrats on your milestones
@Bomdhil so proud of you, well done on your 42 days
@apes2020 i had similiar side effects lasted a couple of days, hope you recover very soon
@Kmcc123 well done for taking this important step in your recovery and having the courage and wisdom to do so
@Smokedog911 camping was a trigger for me, my last four trips i have been sober, and its been amazing, stay strong its 100% worth it
@Mno good to read your lip is feeling better, and wishing you a positive therapy session
@CATMANCAM thank you as always. Sorry to hear about your binge so tough, when you need food to survive, sounds so much more complicated, hope those sessions come sooner than later.
Off to gym soon, then potter at home get some jobs doneā¦ planning on another camping trip next week before starting work. Not sure where in UK, may just follow the good weather 
Have a good day all
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Day 43. Feeling really good. Daily gratitude lists, meditations, sober discord community and secular AA meetings for support.
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Amazing art!!
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