Checking in on day 34. I’ve spent my four days off fill with lots of great activities I never had time for before when drunk or recovering from a drunk. I didn’t realize how much time I was wasting not living. I’m embarrassed to say this but I feel I’ve actually been hypomanic, which would be a red flag to my therapist. But what’s worse? Sedating my mania with booze or feeding my depression. I’m in a healthy relationship, I have a job, I’m not engaging in destructive behaviors, other than walking too much causing blisters on my feet. Ugh, sounds like how I justified drinking. But on a positive note, I’m happy I didn’t spend my days off drunk and I can head into my three day work week super sober, sun tanned and smiling! 
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This! 
Exactly!
Thank you for taking the time to write out this response @Its_me_Stella 
it felt like a weight off my shoulders to read this knowing it’s not just me. I mean I definitely always know other people experience the same thoughts and feelings but in the moment they’re happening it is so lonely and it is indeed overwhelming!
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Checking in at the end of day 251.
Sober and happy.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Day 4. Doing ok, but it still sore from my exercise bike, hanging with my girls. Much love
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Proud of you Danni always! 
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Proud of you as well…
You’ve come so far
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Thank you so much!
I just wanted to jump on here and say @CATMANCAM you truly are one of the kindest people, the way you put everyone else first on your posts and the way you care is amazing. I’m sure a lot of others feel the same way. It’s awesome to walk this path with you, keep up the good work!!
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Checking in, day 310 no alcohol, day 60 no smoke. And haven’t read native news about my homeland for 28 days and it really makes my days easier and my general mood lighter.
The conversation with my parents went ok, probably because the kids were there too. I’m glad it’s over. I can finally focus on the things that matter, on the people who matter.
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28 days sober!! Still feeling so tired all the time and lack of wanting to do anything. Really hope this changes eventually.
Tomorrow going to a relaxing spa so looking forward to that.
Today i did manage to get some cleaning done but thats about it and i kept falling asleep but then i tell myself its also ok to just relax and do nothing i dont have to be on the go all the time.
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Going to an exhibit today with my ex. The longer we have been seperated, I’m finding that I really don’t want to spend time with her. She was desperate to maintain the contact after our breakup, and I was fine with it. We do have some good conversations, but anymore than 2 drinks pass her lips while we are together and I leave. These days she abstains for the most part when I’m around. We both know the kind of person she becomes and I’m not interested in that dynamic.
Through our relationship, and even afterward, I was the one urging her toward self-improvement and introspection, which meant her dealing with the demons that make it difficult for her to stop drinking. But I abdicated that role several months ago. I will support her in her endevors, but I refuse to be her security blanket or her parent. Listening to the same list of problems can be draining. I used to try and offer solutions, but now I just listen silently and make the appropriate noises. There is no point offering solutions to someone who knows the problem, but doesn’t want to do the work.
I’m sure we will have a good time. I think that maybe I’m just in a bad mood right now and I don’t feel like being magnimonious.
@pinkcloud That’s been my experience with anti-depressants as well. Some have even made me feel worse. I’m interested to hear how the trial goes if you decide to do it. I know there have been promising studies done on helping people with PTSD by giving them things like MDMA and LSD in a controlled setting with someone there to help them through some issues.
@Dona Wow look at that synchronicity! So glad you shared it!
@anon27760155 Past 400 day! That’s so amazing. You are doing so much better than I think you think you are. Your art is wonderful. I love what you have going on right now!
@RosaCanDo So glad to hear you slept! I know there are a lot of bothersome things that can happen physically, but for me I have the hardest time being sleep deprived. So happy for you!
@Butterflymoonwoman Well hello there stranger! Welcome back. Great job on your 2 days
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Day 5! Struggling today. Self sabotaged and lashed out at my grieving husband. Having to face all the emotions I was drinking away. I know I am better off. It’s just difficult to face the harsh realities of myself.
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Yes, it is difficult facing life on life’s turns. It can make us grow though. We learn. Get better at living our lives, tedious and slow as progress might be. Progress. 3 Steps forward two steps back. This will never happen if we stay in our self chosen prison of substance abuse and addiction. Breaking free from the chains is a sh*tload of blood sweat and tears. But SO worth it! You’re doing this. Keep going. I’m glad you’re here. We’re in this together.
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Freeze is terrifying! I’m so sorry. I think everyone on here wishes they were right there with you! We are all on your side! I wonder how they would react if they did see your face in those moments of bullying. Humans are good at revealing in others what they need to change…the world is a mirror and I say shine that mirror right in their bipping faces!
Anyways I hope you are starting to feel better and can keep going on your journey!
Thanks for always encouraging us on here 
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@C_8 @Rockstar24777 thank you both for the appreciation 
Honestly, when I first came here, it meant so much to me when people gave me kudos, it made me feel like I wasn’t in this alone, and that there are people here that care if I stay sober, I don’t really have that in the physical world because only one person knows about my addiction/recovery journeys. so I’m just passing that on. 
@Butterflymoonwoman welcome back 
congrats on 2 days 
@Tomek congrats on 60 days smoke-free, I remember you struggling with this so I’m really pleased for you. I’m also really proud of how you’ve changed your mindset about the stuff with your parents I’m trying again with quitting the vape from tomorrow 
@aemb sorry it’s hard, just know you are doing the right thing, keep going
@KellyKelly thank you
@jjcarson92 congrats on 20 months
397 days no alcohol.
365 days no cocaine.
3 days no disordered eating.
I can’t believe I’m actually typing this, but I’ve been clean from cocaine for a year! 
I was actively trying to get clean for around a year before it finally stuck, I’d be so grateful just to get 1hr clean, a whole night’s sleep, 24hrs, 48hrs, 96hrs once, a few 72hrs, one time 6 days. 88 days, was my first good stretch of sobriety Feb-April 2020 from cocaine, but I didn’t stop drinking, and Spring came along and bought with it the Sun, and I made the mistake of reaching out to an old friend, I didn’t even meet up with them but within an hour of texting I was using again, blocked them straight away, but it took me 5 months to get clean again. until 11/09/2020.
How did I do it? I went to 3 in-person NA meetings, quickly discovered that everyone that attended those meetings were of the belief that if you take any medication for mental health, then you’re not clean, I don’t cope well socially but I pushed myself to go and was quite upset when I was made to feel like I wasn’t sober. I didn’t give up, I found NA online meetings, the same meeting is on every night at 7:30pm, I attended every night for 5 months. Even that hour clean each night was such a blessing at that point. I was so desperate. I never shared more than ‘Hi, I’m Tyler and I’m an addict’. I can’t speak in groups, never have been able to. I’m okay one on one, if the other person does most of the talking, but I do best in written communication, I stopped going to that online meeting when I stopped using cocaine for 88 days. I read and listened to all of Gabor Maté’s stuff, I listened to hundreds of shares on youtube. I also started exercising again, I was in sheer agony at first, I had such a bad back from being morbidly obese, but I pushed and pushed, when I started I could only walk for 15 minutes, and I had to stop to lay down flat on the floor a few times even during that, before the problem with my feet started I was walking 6 miles a day. I spent a lot of time on here at first, I love this place, it and all of you here mean a lot to me. I listen to and read a lot of self-help books, and a lot of quit lit too. I meditate 4 times a day. I sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I’ve tried some in-person and online CA meetings recently, and they have been okay but I know I’ll never be able to speak and then I feel down on myself about being inadequate so I think I’ll stop. Most of all though, I never stopped trying. This thread is my greatest tool. This is where I feel a sense of connection that I don’t have in my physical life.
I am a work in progress. My mental health is a wreckage, with PTSD, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression. I have Tourettes, leftover symptoms of a heart condition, Bladder Pain Syndrome, Plantar Fasciitis, nerve damage, I am a survivor of childhood maternal bereavement and of all different kinds of abuse. I am transgender. I am asexual. I rarely see anyone or do anything. I’m disabled and can’t work for the foreseeable future. I am battling with an eating disorder. Despite all of this, I can genuinely say I am the most content in my soul than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Contentment is all I’ve ever wanted. 
Grateful for every day of my sobriety.
Grateful for TS and all of you amazing humans.
Grateful for my two cats 
#reocveryispossible
#itsoverstaysober
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Can just anyone who feels like it, take a minuit and send prayers, light, angels, love, strength of whatever your heart tells you to send in its energy.
Send it to frenk , in the Hague Netherlands. His time is here, but it had is a warm and peaceful process in which I had the gift to get such a soul to know …
Let’s be with him as he goes tonight,
Thnx
I’m at peace if you wonder 
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God speed, Frenk.
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Massive congratulations! Ur daily check-ins show commitment to yourself, and the @'s show connection to others, all great tools for recovery. U are doing it!
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