in the forecast. It is autumn after all. Have a good day all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.Day 415
Work, prep, homework check, dinner making, same old same old. But glad to be sober.
The online group of aa that I join has a chat group, today they were complaining about online (lack ofļ¼attendance, people neglecting the unity part of aa, etc, and it made me feel a bit bad as I have missed a few recently, but also a bit resentful at being made to feel guilty.
Day 951
Iāve noticed quite a sudden shift in my mood this past few days. Some of the old familiar negative thoughts and feelings creeping back, lonely feelings, a general sadness. I knew it was coming. I realised last year that SAD is a significant problem for me and have been working hard to get myself in a decent place for when it kicks in. Iām starting to feel it now the days are getting shorter (and greyer), rainy, it has a massive impact on me. I found last winter really tough and donāt want a repeat of that. I hadnāt expected it to kick in this early tho, guess Iām more sensitive to it than I thought 
I need to trust my plan, accept that some days with be hard, but stick to the plan. Yoga/meditate consistantly, daily, stick to a good diet. Make the most of opportunities to socialise and connect with others, stay informed but not get swept away by the ānewsā. Understand that nothing is permanent.
So this morning the SAD lamp replaces the fan and we press onwards.
Have a good day folks 
Thanks for the reminder friend. Yesterday was a big down day for me. No coincidence it was the first cold dark wet day here too. Digging up my SAD lamp today.
I know Iām losing the subject, but I always have fellow feelings when reading about SAD lamps, imagining something like that:
I mean give them a hug for me for goodnessā sake.
You my dear have a beautiful soul!!!
X
@al2017 congrats on your week 
@Darby1 congrats on 90 days + promotion
@anon27760155 really pleased for you 
@TheWolf congrats on 4 months
@Mjedg12 welcome back 
@1in8billion congrats on 30 days
415 days no alcohol.
383 days no cocaine.
21 days no disordered eating.
Checking in for yesterday.
So I am on a long waiting list for therapy for childhood sexual abuse, Iāve been waiting for 19 months and still might be waiting another year, itās okay, but whilst waiting, they have starting running some online Zoom groups for symptom management, the first one was yesterday. It was so strange to meet with people that atleast at first seemed a lot like me in regards to anxiety, meeting new people, and not being able to speak in groups, we all found it really hard. 7 more weeks of it so hopefully it will get easier, I feel less alone.
My doctor is referring me for an ADHD assessment after our phone call yesterday. So thatās another thing Iāve been meaning to discuss for a loooooong time ticked off.
I am currently craving Yum Yums and trying to resist. I do not want to reset my counter again. 
want one
4 months is awesome. Congrats to you. It keeps getting better, doesnāt itā¦I am sober 3 months now and do not even count as much, just enjoying living so much more.
Such a good reminder to get my SAD lamp out!! Thanks!!
Hey there, Iām sorry youāre feeling so down on yourself. I do hope for a speedy recovery from that cold for you!
While on the mend, you could try an exercise that has helped me a lot, if you like. Imagine your body is a good and a close friend of yours. What would they say to you when youāre feeling defeated on your yoga mat? What would you respond?
Thanks for that brother, really appreciated!
It hurts to hear how common child abuse is, and I really want you to know that itās not your fault, youāre a real gem you know that? And you help a whole bunch of people on here, including myselfā¦ Iām sorry and here for you any time too my friend, thereās an old saying that āthe truth will set you freeā, and it rings so fucking true in light of opening up and being honest and genuine no matter what to truly progress. I wasnāt sexually abused, but the psychological abuse I endured broke me. Iām seeing a psychologist in just over a week for the first time too because Iām affraid of continuing the rest of my life as lost as few people know I ended up. But to reach this 1 month mark, I know Iāve undergone some gradual but immense transformations which can only return a nice, proud smile to my face. Iām alive and present, and growing - and thatās all that matters. Thanks for being here today, I hope you learn just how special you really are! 
10 months sober today!
Although im not really feeling my sobriety at the moment im still happy with the 10 months.
I have been in contact with the rehab clinic i went to. To see if they can help me out with the many questions i have. I have been going to extra meetings and being in touch with the fellows and the NA programm but for some reason im just unable to have balance in life which eats on me.
I feel that my obsessive behavior is shifting towards other things in life and while i havent been using drink & drugs for a while now i wake up tired and almost hungover like some days. The anxiety and stress are coming back and its just not great.
I am still sober though which is the most important thing. And i will do anything in my capacity to stay sober.
Thanks for reading people.
Bart
Congratulations! Sobriety isnāt all rainbows, sometimes things are hard, and take effort. At times like this I like to remember this
Day 475 clean and sober, day 4 no smoking. Have a kick ass day everyone, love you guys! 
@Toka congratulations!!! Day 12 here. Sick with a flu but still working. A difficult day physically but full of gratitude
Thanks alot Flo for your continued support! Your right, i sometimes just expect to much of myself. Im human after all and cant be getting everything right or feel well all the time.
I watched his YouTube documentary not too long ago after someone else here recommended it. Crazy stuff, I canāt believe heās still alive.
