Day 1131 
Feeling blah 
Having stomach pain each day because of the gallstone. Afraid to eat because that increase the pain. Tomorow I have a phone appointment with my doctor.
I have to work loads the next two weeks. I hope I can. We have lack of personal and already help from other stores. Iām worried, but I know I have to take good care of myself now.
Still sober.
Sat romanticising booze this morning. Thinking about the Smyths song āthere is a light that never goes outā
The feeling of excitement and joy of being young and care free.
The buzz of youth, the music of your generation, feeling like life is one big party.
Truth is that for most the party has a shelf life. Some people can see that and move on with the ability to keep it to weddings and events but to a balanced level.
Me I take the lid off and drink like Iām young and not a 37 year old with a wife, two kids and a career.
Some never move on and chase there youth forever.
Itās easy to see why this happens and why we can romanticise our youth and more importantly our drinking in our youth.
You just need to take off the rose tinted glasses and remember
Check in. Day one. Back to reset. Hoping itās going to be different this time.
Glad youāre back here Misswest. Please come here before you drink the next time the urges hit you. Now letās do this. As I see it the first thing you need to do is to change your mindset from hoping to do it, to making it so. It is you at the driverās wheel, although alcohol is making you believe otherwise.
You got any help besides this forum? Peer support is unsurpassed in helping us to stay sober in my experience. AA, SMART, Buddhist Recovery, Christian, Agnostic or Atheist, there are tons of possibilities. Be sure you can do this but it does take work, a plan, knowledge and support. I wish you all success.
Thank you Mno. I am picking up all the tools from today. Will start my 90 in 90. Daily check ins. Journaling. Daily early morning exercise, these are the tools that kept me sober before
I went through the same thing two exās back bro, I totally get it. Not many men go through this or at least not many come forward and talk about it.
May I suggest to you that you look up information on narcissism and also what ātrauma bondsā are, it really opened my eyes. There are so many levels to being in an abusive relationship and we do need help getting out of them at least I did. Please message me anytime to talk if youād like too. Welcome back @Jdiaz 
Day 499 clean and sober today. I work a later shift on Sundays from 10am - 7pm. Itās a weird work day as far as time goes because Iām such a morning person lol. Have a fantastic day everyone, love you guys!
Checking in.
Sober Sunday.
23 days and counting.
Hey all, checking in on day 497. I hope everyone is having a good weekend!
Wow, that is impressive!
I love the cow pics. Healing thoughts to you, my friend. I hope you are able to resolve it soon.
Day 439
Some little resentments cropped up today, but I had the awareness to a. notice them as resentments, not just feel vaguely pissed off, and b. see how that was THEM doing THEIR thing for whatever reason, and to not make it about me, and just focus on myself; am I doing what I want to do, what I think is right, and appropriate? and I was, so then I just kept their behaviour out of my head. I donāt think I am explaining it too well, but things that would have bothered me before did not bother me today.
Nice catch!
Day 1
Damn it 
Iām getting so frustrated with this. I honestly thought I was doing all the right things. I was doing all these thngs to help me to feel better mentally and physically, I was keeping busy, connecting with supports. I donāt fucking get this. Am I missing the spiritual aspect of this? Idk. I understand that spirituality isnāt for everyone in recovery (and thatās totally ok) itās important to me, and I guess i missing that too. Iām starting to get scared. Cuz everytime I relapse I try to figure out what went wrong and then try to figure out what I need to be doing. I donāt know honestly if this has to to do with trauma. I think Iāve pushed back my past trauma so damn far that I donāt even know if itās really affecting me. My abusive ex messaged me on fb not long agoā¦ finally found me 
(I do live thousands of miles away so I am safeā¦ just so u know). This was the man I charged for what he did. But he did also save my life a couple times while I was in the problem back where Iām from, once when I overdosed and then once from a bad ādateā when I was trying trying make money in the trade. So thereās very conflicting emotions. I chatted with him briefly and then blocked him. Canāt do it. Iām fucking hurting 
I just want to be happy! I just want I be clean! Why the fuck canāt I get thisā¦ I have 1 day tho and I have another chance. Gonna keep at it. Iām going to continue what I was doing for those 3 days. Exercise n eat right, affirmations and positive thinking, and then incorporate some spiritual stuff too. Thanks for listening everyone. Iām off to work. Have a great day 
Thank you JenƩ, I hope so too. Fingers crossed 
You were doing a lot of right things. And then you did the wrong thing. How did it get into your hands? Did you go out looking? Have a number in your phone? Doing all the positive stuff is great, but when it comes down to it, youāre going to have to find a way to stop yourself from making the call, going to the meet-up, talking to the ex.
I donāt remember if youāre plugged into any kind of meeting but itās a good idea. Do it virtually if necessary. Find one in person if possible. I am a fan of Recovery Dharma and SMART. There are so many available now, with a variety of different methods. At the center, they are strive for the same thing: To keep you off your DOC. I am rooting for you, girl! Get up and back on it!
There is a moment before the drinking ore using when your head is spinning and overthink the āyes, I can have one ore notā. Can you phone someone ore come here when you are in that āzoneā?
Glad your here to talk. You need only 1 final click. Keep trying! I had a couple relapses too. But 3 years sober now. Hang in there!
Two weeks. It doesnāt feel big. I have been here before, so many times. I definitely donāt have any fucks to give when it comes to the āvoice.ā It hasnāt been very loud. I feel like I have been dealing with someone elseās spoiled toddler and I have just had enough and itās time to MOM this thing.
āI am the boss, you little shit. Your behavior is unacceptable and I expect better from you. You are free to remove yourself until you can manage your feelings in a better way.ā
Stormy day here in the Omaha Metro. Toddler is sulking in the corner and I have a meeting to get to. Have a great day!
I really appreciate your message. I had this way of thinking that the positive things I were doing were not the right things if I kept relapsing. But ur rightā¦ they were the right thingsā¦ I just have to look at what the wrong thing was. So my hubby has phone numbers that he (we) need to get rid of. And then we did have $$ so that doesnāt help. But I am going to have to chat with him about deleting numbers. Thatās a big one. Donāt know why we are hesitant about that. Fear of change? Idk. We have deleted numbers in the past and then miraculously his memory kicked in and he remembered the damn number
