I want what you have. Reading this inspires me to be clean. To be able to live with some sense of peace and serenity. I look forward to having this in my life! Thank you for sharing about your day 
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I check in with myself constantly. When Iām feeling certain things, I consciously recognize the emotions then I start talking with myself as if I am speaking with someone else. I ask myself why am I feeling a certain way. What is it about the situation that is causing me such distress. Itās like I see a wound and I keep poking at it until I can figure out where the puss is coming from.
Yes, you feel stress. But why. Itās not enough to say, āI am stressed. I feel overwhelmed.ā What is it about the situation that causes you so much internal distress. What wound is it mirroring? It is not enough to know something is happening. Itās not enough to know you need to do something. You must know the true reason why, because within that āwhyā is true power.
But in order to really have that you must be 100% honest with yourself, no matter how ashamed or hurt you might feel with the answer. Watch your thoughts for the next few days. Maybe even write them down through the day and how you feel in accordance with them. A lot of things are driven by fear. Sometimes we are afraid of success because even though we want it, that is still the unknown, and the unknown is scary.
But then why are you afraid of the unknown, if that is a thing for you. What painful situations has the past brought about through the unknown? You see where this is going?
Do not give up. You can fall 1,000,000 times, but as long as you keep getting up and moving forward, eventually you will stop falling.
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This right here I need to do more of. I often struggle with delving deeper into the WHY of things and WHY I feel the way I do. I often say Iām stressed but to be honest I couldnāt tell you what I need in that moment to distress or why Iām feeling stressed. I am going to really make an attempt to look abit harder over the next 2 days. This may help me to get past my 3 day relapse marker. Thank you so much!!!
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Shut the fridge door. 2 birds 1 stone 
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Whoa!!!
Nice catch Charlie.
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Checking in on day 100. Back to triple digits
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Day 16 today !!! Thankful for today.
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Check in time doing pretty good just bored not much going on may have some bad storms later I hope not anyways. 4 months and 18 days clean
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Checking in on day 35 
I have been having lots of dreams about accidentally drinking. Last night someone handed me a glass of wine and told me it was sparkling grape juice. I took a sip and promptly spit it out, then worried that I relapsed and was super mad. Woke up with a headache and had to wait a few beats to realize I wasnāt hung over and it was a dream. Some variation of this dream has been playing night after night. The mind is so bizarre.
Anyhoo. Happy to be Sober Sunday 
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Checking in Days 83 & 84, forgot to post last night. Itās been a good weekend. Relaxing but still got myself outside to enjoy some sunny October weather. Canoed yesterday, pulled lobster traps with my boyfriend, and made dinner with our neighbor. Today I had a super leisurely morning to myself then spent time with my boyfriend in the afternoon, went for a nice walk and watched scary movies. Feeling good 
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My thoughts are with you
And with a lot of other members as well. I am in limbo and I should be more on TS to reach out but for now Iām keeping up but also feel unsubscribingly invisible while the world that makes me feel that way keeps bashing and makes me sad
I hope I just soon can pick up a regular, living and warm life. Itās time 
So all together have a good night.
Iām fine but just feeling far from well and also canāt handle the sight of my life to come without getting the chance to build something out of nothing.
From within, in rest and able to really accept happyness/love/life as it comes
Helpā¦ But how, where , what ā¦
But donāt worry ,
Next weekās might be better
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Day 6 down.
Happy I did not falter this weekend.
Iām going on vacation to visit a friend in NOLA on Tuesday and Iād be lying if I said Iām not a little nervous. My friend isnāt a heavy drinker, but the whole vibe of the city is like walking through a bar.
I plan to be open with my friend and Iām pretty confident she will be supportive. Itās just interesting because I had a whole different view of how the trip would be when I first booked my flight haha.
Whatās been working for me is taking a beat and thinking about the long-term. Not just tomorrowās hangover, but 6 months down the line, a year and beyond. Everything I want to accomplish that I havenāt because of alcohol. I know I canāt be happy, for real happy, with it in my system.
Anyway, sorry for the rant haha. Just mentally preparing a bit I suppose.
Hope everyone had nice weekends.
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Damn it 
Fucking Satan!!
@Butterflymoonwoman
You come in here trying so hard. And you are such a wonderful person. I donāt know what to say.
I believe addiction is Satans most perfected work of all time. None of us wanted to be like this.
You come and you go and you keep trying. And now your back to day one again. Good for you. Iām glad youāre back so soon this time. And youāre still alive.
Have you ever checked in here first before you use? Or started a HELP topic? And then just waited? Someone on here would talk to you Iām sure. We have to do this together. We all love you.
God Bless.
Are you doing anything different?
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Sending strength, I believe uāll get it.
@Butterflymoonwoman
Keep trying, it only has to click forever once.
Day 440
Back in f2f class today. Until today Monday was still online. Picked up some classes to cover in Feb for a little extra cash in hand. Not bad.
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Just wanted to do a second check in. Thought I was holding everything In pretty good. Came up stairs and did my prayer before bed and it just all came out, Im sad I feel hurt, it sucks when ppl say shit like that about you, I ask if this is the right path, it certainly feels like itās the right path, I always get little signs that itās the right path. I miss my girls, I love teaching them to always chase theyāre dreams no matter who or what says different, I miss my girls big beautiful hugs that help me feel like everything is ok, I miss them waking me up in the mornings when they arenāt here even tho I donāt wanna get out of bed. I pray for strength and thank God for getting me to bed sober tonight. Much love all
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Rest easy Mike. Tomorrow is a new day.
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302 days
River swim and a night camping at the beach over the weekend was perfect, felt happy and alive. I woke up this early Monday with a knot as itās a work day, but trying so hard to get over it, and to work out why I get like this itās so tiring and not helpful, treating it like my addiction voices and telling it to F.O!. So bored of it. @CATMANCAM thank you for your reply on this, its hard pushing through the anxiety but for me itās the only way I have to break the pattern.
@Charlie_C great catch 
@Butterflymoonwoman good you back I do think visualising sober life is key, best wishes and strength sent your way 
@Misokatsu good luck with f2f today
@anon53116147 listen to yourself noone else, wishing you a good night sleep and better mindset for tomorrow - believe in yourself.
Off for my early morning walk with my dog, wishing you a great sober day all
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- Coffee. Late shift coming up later, first this morning I have to prove my technical nursing skills. Since Iām a typical mental health nurse I suck at those. But itāll be OK. Iām not having trembling hands and a clouded mind from last nightās bender because I donāt do that no more. Never again. Have a good week all, or at least as good as you all can. Making it sober and clean helps a lot. Love from Amsterdam.
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Day 34 checking in keep moving forward
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