What is going on? Whatever it is drinking will only make it worse. Can u distract yourself? Not taking that first drink is most important.
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Thanks! Its been a long weekend
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Day 69
(Hey, hey, hey)
Trying to remain positive throughout all of the soul crushing thatâs been thrown my way recently.
The love of my life doesnât want me.
Which means the family we made is no more.
My family here doesnât want me.
I thank God for my mom because I dont know where Iâd be without her.
I probably wouldâve surrendered my daughter and done who knows what.
I had dreams last night which have me in my feels about my partner.
Iâm curious as to why on a daily basisâŚ
Why did she hold my hand so hard everywhere we went, even if at home alone doing nothing?
Why did she always beg me to hold her and not let go?
How could she want me so bad then leave me so bad?
We laughed together, we hurt together, we loved together.
The way life has been lately, its hard to feel like im not nothing.
I know it isnt true because I have a good heart and im a good person and am a good partner and I gave her all of myself and spoiled her until I was broke and still always made ends meet no matter what.
She always said she never wanted me to pay for things that were her responsibilities because she thought that i would throw it back in her face at a later date.
But I wasnt like that and I never threw it back at you.
I loved to spend money on her I loved to help out, knowing it would ease her burdens.
I never gave up on you or turned my back on you no matter what, even when literally everyone else did.
Was I just your crutch?
I thought I was good to you. I know that I wasnât perfect, but.
I donât fucking get it.
I really, really donât.
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Hey Frank itâs been a couple hours how are you doing?
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119 Days without Alcohol / 365 Days without Weed!! Woohoo. So awesome itâs been a whole year. It would have also been a full year AF if I hadnât slipped up a few months ago. Even so, itâs still a significant marker in my sobriety from alcohol as well.
Feeling proud tonight 
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Thank you for checking!!! Iâm in a much better place.
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Way to go one your 1 year of freedom from Pot.
Thatâs awesome.
Iâm so happy for you.
And great job on the 119.
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it was a huge relief when my sponsor said to me I didnât need to think anymore and just do what he told me instead.
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Thank you! For me one of the biggest motivations for quitting weed was to gain greater clarity of mind and more energy. When cravings show up, which is pretty rare now, I remember the feeling i would get sometimes get of being uncomfortably disoriented and/tired. I remember I donât really want to feel that way and prioritize maintaining clarity.
The first month was the hardest. I quit alcohol at the same time and usually when I would quit drinking I would start smoking more. I didnât want to do that again. Sometimes I knew I just had to get through the habitual tendency to smoke and it would get easier over time. I occupied my day with work and hobbies and exercise. And then at night I let myself be lazy and cozy and watch tv. I hid all paraphernalia and stash. My boyfriend never smoked very much so it wasnât around me as temptation.
Itâs a tough one to quit, but I think weâll worth it. A lot of people see it as harmless and I do believe for some it can be safely recreational or serve a medical purpose. But thatâs not what was happening for me. For me it became habit forming and had a negative impact on my mind. So glad to reach this milestone!
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Thanks so much for the support and fanfare!!
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I wonât say anything, but I understand, your very loved and sending hugs. You have helped me through some hard times and always made me feel better. Much love
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Huge Congratulations on a full year of freedom from weed @MagicILY! What an awesome accomplishment! Thank you for being so open and honest about your recovery.
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That is so hard 
. Be sure you are worthy of love even if your previous partner cannot provide it. And the most important love is self-love.
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Fabulous, well done!
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Two nice, sober days in the books. Feels good. Maybe this is some sort of honeymoon phase, but i wasnt affected by my in laws drinking in front of me at dinner. Weird, but good!
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Day 58
Survived my first sober Thanksgiving since probably 1984. I navigated a full house and still managed to remain true to my sobriety. My daughterâs boyfriend asked her if there was a red to go with the charcuterie board and she told him âoh, no, mom is sober, nowâ. I was proud of my daughters supporting me and also by limiting their own consumption during their visit (yes there was alcohol they brought, but absolutely no wine) I am hoping one day the two youngest find their way to sobriety, but that is their journey.
The last of the gang left yesterday so today was a little tougher. Iâve found itâs harder when Iâm tired and bored, but managed to work through that today. Nice peaceful walk this morning and lots of movies this afternoon.
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Thatâs great Cindy.
What wonderful support you got for Thanksgiving from your daughter. Thatâs pretty cool.
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Day 487
Drinking a rooibos chai sleep blend and just finished my evening meditation that made me want to share. I have a December birthday which always makes me feel restless and like I need to reflect on the year past to make big plans for the year to come x this is then of course further engrained with new year resolutions that are pushed around the same time of year. It throws my mind all over into some dark places.
So I chose a self care themed meditation tonight - with hand on heart there was focus on grounding. It was emphasized that you yourself are a source of support and strength. Going to bed now feeling more at peace.
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Congrats on your full year weed free!!!
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Into day 9 now.
Starting to sleep better finally.
Went out with some friends last night and had a blast. It was a bit surreal because they were all having drinks and I was just knocking back pepsi, but regardless I still had a lot of laughs with them.
Hit up another meeting tonight and had some great conversations, met a few other members that werenât there on Wednesday and now Iâm just sitting in my office on the ol graveyard shift getting ready to start my paperwork
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