Thank you so much! I know this is a huge transition for him. I’m trying to be patient while he wraps his head around me being sober but honestly I just want to kick him in the arse and duke it out…but I’m not gonna do that.
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Morning everyone!
1st off… sorry for the slightly long post. I am feeling better today 
yay! Lots is going thru my mind and lots of emotions are fresh. Last night I recieved an etransfer for $100 from a friend back home. About 3/4 of my fb is friends from back home who are in recovery. In a general way I posted how I was feeling alone being away from everyone and how things have been tough lately and I feel like I’m being pulled in diff directions like a game of tug of war. Someone who I barely talk to asked me to check my email. I checked it and they sent me money saying “use this for some self care”. He doesn’t know I’m struggling abit with drugs, I’m not nearly as open on fb about that as I am on here.
Anyway, I didn’t use last night even tho I had the money to. I dont plan on using today either even tho I still have that money. This is a slippery slope for me as money is a trigger but I’m choosing to look at money diff. I have learned thru my experiences that I CAN actually get thru uncomfortable emotions in one piece. I don’t need nor do I even want drugs to numb me, only to have a short lived high and come out of it even more emotionally messed up. I’m an emotional basket case today. This is the 1st time in a very long time that I’ve felt vulnerable and honestly more like “me”. Not a mask, not a front, nothing… just me. Just tears of gratitude and tears of sadness, tears of grieving the “old” me and the life I lived, tears of happiness, and tears of I don’t even know what lol. But ya know it’s okay… it really is. I want so bad to be clean and this is the 1st time I’ve held onto money for this long without using.
Also, my hubby was on his way to work today… and we have electric trains where I live. He saw this young girl on the tracks and she was overdosing. My hubby went up to her and tried to help. He knew she needed Narcan. He didn’t have any. So he asked for help while he called an ambulance. This man who said afterwards that he was homeless, ran up, opened his bag and shot her with narcan. She gasped for air. She’s alive and the ambulance came right away and took her away. My hubby said everyone that was standing on the platform was just looking and staring and no one did a thing. Yet my hubby and this homeless man helped her and she’s alive today being given a 2nd chance to maybe change her life. My hubby gave that man a couple smokes and he headed on his way. I’m full of emotion bcuz of this. Ya… just going to go drink my coffee and deep breathe and meditate and go spend some money on things that matter xo
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Hahaha! 
I know EXACTLY how you feel. 
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They are BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for sharing girl! Im glad ur playing the tape to the end truly our worst day clean and sober is better than our best day in the problem (if there really was a best day lol). Anyway, hope u have an awesome day!
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Thank you for sharing as well I believe you can get through this day without using I am standing with you!
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Thank you! I will be checking in throughout the day we got this!
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Hi guys day 26. Was very happy to gift something for my exes gram. And then yesterday after I did that I went nuts cleaning the kitchen to try and help my mom out, cleaned the walls, her stove, scrubbed the whole sink just to try and make it look extra nice, and was pretty bummed when I came downstairs to see a coffee soon sitting on the counter, wrappers, stains all over the counter and sliced potatoes in the sink and just trashed. It’s nice when we try to keep stuff clean, but it’s w.e acceptance right? I did my part and felt good to try. Today’s a good day doing my best much love
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Checking in - went to bed early with what felt like the start of a migraine, but I took some meds and fell asleep fast. I woke up feeling rough…doing okay now, though! It’s our last day of 60 deg weather and then a sharp downturn with wintry mix in the forecast by Friday. I’m ready! I got some new kicks just in time and the consistent temps will do my head some good. Bring on the winter weather! Rain tomorrow, though, so I need to wrap up my outside projects. Almost done. I’m grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful to be kind to myself and care enough for my well being to not poison myself today.
Sending sober strength your way, amigos. 
Edit to say you are all welcome to tease me about my boats for feet! Size 11 on a 5’5” frame are boats for sure!
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Well done
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Day 515 clean and sober today. It’s
my Sunday so I have a lot of chores to get done. Hoping everyone has a beautiful day today, love you guys!!! 
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I used to have a crazy ritual of picking up a bottle, take it to checkout, leave queue and put it back on shelf, go to back of queue, get near checkout and leave queue, go get bottle and go to back of queue, get near checkout and leave queue put bottle back, ad infinitum. Some days I won and some days I lost until one day I just looked and didn’t pick up. I still give it the occasional sarcastic glance and wry smile and think not today matey, not this time.
Proud of you 
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That’s a shitty pattern indeed.
When the thought of drinking happen to me these days, I ask myself « in which state or condition did I left myself the last time I drank? » and the answer to that question is that my drinking self is still hurt from all the drinking. I left him destroyed. So drinking would just make worst
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@paper_boats keep going 
sending strength 
@vaariesga congrats on 500 days 
@WCan I’m so glad you left the bottle. Sorry you’re struggling, sending strength
456 days no alcohol.
424 days no cocaine.
17 days no nicotine.
Binged again late last night. Won’t give up until I beat this though. Trying again. I can feel so strong one minute then 15mins later I’m ordering a takeaway. I checked my finances, I don’t have enough for groceries or anymore takeaways so that will help me get back on track with the diet as I have enough of the shakes to see me through to next month.
Knowing the deadline was last night, I was really hoping to hear something about the job today. The not knowing and waiting is giving me major anxiety and it feels so uncomfortable! Much like when I was waiting for the exchange on my sale, during business hours I just can’t relax because I’m on high alert waiting for an email. Argh. I do feel a bit better now it’s after 6pm here.
I’ve now completely caught up with the meme thread. Managed to find the mental health meme thread so working my way through that now, felt lost before I found it. I tried to read today but couldn’t calm my anxiety down enough to focus, maybe tomorrow.
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@CATMANCAM So great to read about your many days without alcohol and cocaine. 
Don´t take this the wrong way. But are you sure a diet is the right thing for you now? Considering that you are binging I would recommend you to eat regular meals. Not limiting your calories but working on the feelings of hunger and fullness.
It is way to long since my last log-in. I had some problems with the log-in on my phone, so I just looked around from time to time. But I feel good. It is over 2 years since my last drink. thank you all for being here. 
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Good for you Dana! Do exactly what your friend said SELFCARE! Go do something for yourself. Trust me it’s well worth it and knowing you stayed clean and did something for yourself other than drugs makes it all the more better. You’ve got this!!
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I really like your “Titanic” boots Rosa! 
They will keep your feet warm and dry… that’s all that matters.
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I don’t want to be obtuse but is this for those seeking a sponsor or those seeking to be a sponsor?
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