Good day or night Sober friends, Yay, abstinence from alcohol and nicotine for 4 months! You all played a big part in that with TS.
Focusing on health and weightloss recently lost 25lbs from a few months back, jus t need to not regain the fat.
My Uncle Dennis past away before I could see him at the hospice sadly, but saw him recently last couple months for family dinner and talked on the phone. Nothing but abundance of love from this kind soul that he was. He made it to 80 and I will miss him dearly.
Checking in Day 104 clean from Meth pills havenāt been to a meeting since last Thurs due to holiday with family so looking forward to NA meeting tonight, my homegroup as well.
Slept all day till 4pm which was enjoyable but ridiculous it means me skipping my walk too. Will set alarm tomorrow and obey it.
Good day, my date is just so amazing. He met my flatmates, we hung out for a moment in the kitchen. After he left, my flatmates were also blown away for how nice person I have found
Zoom meeting quite nice flying over to the USA on Saturday
Minimim anxiety today. Some body image issues tho and my appetite is still not back and that is not good at all with my background bc it gives me kicks fuck that.
I guess when I think about it, going to meetings really only means you have the desire to stop drinking it doesnāt actually mean you have surrendered.
During that pause between urge-purchase-drink is a lot of discomfort that one has to be willing to endure.
So in order for me to be successful I have to completely surrender to this addiction I have and be willing to suffer through all the discomfort to see another 24 hrs sober. I couldnāt start doing things in the wrong order. For example expecting to be able to cultivate my spirituality was never going to happen when I was in active addiction, or making amends before I was cleanā¦ no good either.
Maybe you need to start from scratch. Really sink your teeth into one program, get a sponsor, start some step work and see how that works for you.
Glad to hear your staying connected with TS through all this. Intense emotion can be tough to navigate through but it sounds like your doing well at it. Keep at it! Things will work out as they should
Sorry to hear youāre having a hard time, Charlie. Just keep doing the next right thing and everything will work itself out. These are the kind of days where we have to keep praying and hand it over to our higher power. Sending you hugs and love.
Zoom NA meetings, camera on or off, talk or just listen its up to you. Might help might not but definitely canāt hurt.
I loved my weed all day every day and convinced myself it was good for me bc it cures everything that doctors medicine canāt. In reality it does have its place but for people like us with our all or nothing attitude to life and substances now Iāve been sober over a year I love not being dependent on it, freaking out if I thought for 1 minute I was going to run out, smelling like shit and not even knowing. I know I smelt bc I can smell it on other people now. The standing in shops or crowds and being paranoid, the Iāll do everything later bc Iām too busy getting stoned and the never having any money for other things, not that I wanted anything else apart from more drugs and alcohol. Yeah I was quite happy in my selfish party for one. I wish you well on your journey
Iāve been thinking about you lately so glad youāve popped in. Thereās been some great sober days and Iāve missed your replies and support. Anyway hope your keeping well
Evening checkin
Got alittle anxiety going on. Looked at my clean day timer just now and Iāll be at 4 days this evening. I was so busy today that I didnāt even focus on the fact that it was day 3 (my usual relapse day). Anyway, Iām excited and feel alittle proud of this. I know Iām going to bed clean and sober tonight so thatās a plus. I see things improving already in my lifeā¦ even after 3 days! My relationship is better, self esteem is better, Iām more energized and productive, I worked this past weekend, my emotions are all over the place but that will balance out eventually. Things are good overall Iād say. I do get money on Friday but I have strict plans for it. Iām catching myself trying to manipulate my Friday money to suit using but that isnāt going to happen. Keeping my eye on the prize!
Iām so glad you chose to come back this community is very special. I have leaned on this on bad days when I wasnāt leaving the house for a meeting
As far as marijuana there is nothing wrong with smoking weed. Just like there is nothing wrong with drinking. I donāt drink like ānormalā people so for me alcohol is a problem. I would hear from some people well you only drink youāre not on meth or atleast you donāt do heroine. My problem is addiction and it takes strength and courage to really look at oneās self and be willing to address defects in character.
Again welcome back and I hope to see you around here.
You should be proud I am proud of you too. You have opened up about yourself on here. Some things I relate fully others I can only empathize but I know for sure that I see all that goodness in you and you sure deserve to be sober. I know about those emotions being everywhere I think they kind of are what they are byproducts of lifting that Vail and feeling unfaded. they can be uncomfortable but are what they are supposed to be. Iām glad to see you on here most times when I log on keep it up.
ODAAT
That really means alot! Thank you I appreciate your kind words. This forum is amazing. The things Iāve learned from you & others is mind blowing actually. This really is a true genuine place of support. Completely judgrment free. Itās just Odaat
flying over to the USA on Saturday 
fuck that.
