Evening Checkin 45 min until 1 day clean and sober
So amazingly grateful for TS. I can’t believe I actually thot of deleting this app due to my ego and feeling embarrassed about my relapse. I have another plan in place… things to do differently this time around. Tonight consists of taking my meds (1st time in quite some time taking them) and doing a 10 min guided mediation while I sit in a nice hot epsom salt/lavender essential oil bath. Honestly… this right here is sooo much better than drugs… in sooo many ways. Just grateful for everyone who has personally messaged me today and for all the comments on my post. U all truly hold a really special place in my 
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This sounds like a really tough spot to be in. I’d be pissed, and having to manage my feelings around whatever asshole gave it to my dad. Sending best wishes for his swift and complete recovery and that you can rest a bit easier, too.
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And just remember, anyone who calls you weak for being on meds is a fucktard and majorly ignorant asshat. It’s the opposite of weak. It takes extra courage because of those idiots. I used to care what they think, but now I give zero fucks because I’m sober. I’m happy. I’m no longer suffering. Anyone who judges someone else’s sobriety has issues. Mind ya business and focus on yourselves. I’m testy tonight 
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@Butterflymoonwoman Dana all I can do is second what all these amazing women are telling you. I’ve been on this platform a couple years and this is the first time I’ve seen you working so hard to take in what people are offering as suggestions. I am so impressed by you and so glad you’re here. Sending you big fluffy love.
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Love it!!! Be testy all u want girl! I used to care also. But then I was like… ur not living my life lol at the end of the night I’m the one who needs to be okay with myself when I lay my head on my pillow… and if meds help me to do that and it helps me go to bed clean and sober, than screw what u think lol I don’t let people rent space in my head anymore (well I try not to) 
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Oh wow this means alot! I almost started tearing up… i’ve seen u on here since I 1st came on TS and ur always so knowledgable. And what u said really means alot to me. Thank u for acknowledging this bcuz it makes me feel like I’m on the right track. I really am using TS now and really listening. My way is NOT working lol took me a long long time to see that. I appreciate you hugs
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What a great picture!
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Yay!!!
Look at all you beautiful sober people. 
I can’t wait to see the surfing 🏄♂️ pics.
Have fun.
@Jennajen @anon27760155 @Conor689908
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Checking in at end of Day 109, feels good to have had a shower and be curled up in bed. Just got back from an NA meeting which was good, I really felt the collective power of the 30 or so people there who are all powerless over their addiction.
I have to call myself out for not picking up my stepwork last week, if you don’t know in NA stepwork consists of like 50 questions for each step for which you have to write a paragraph or two and then discuss with your sponsor. Well I have been lazy with mine.
God give me the strength to pick it up and get going tomorrow.
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Meds are important. I take antidepressants. It took a year and many trials to get some that worked. But it was like flipping a switch. Now I am generally doing better I sometimes forget. Boy do I notice a day or so later. Now I am amazed I survived so long without them.
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Thanks Rosa! I am definitely pissed. Both at the guy who gave it to him and his workplace management as a whole that aren’t taking it seriously or doing anything to protect their employees. I’m just trying to stay calm and be thankful that he hasn’t had any respiratory symptoms. It’s been mostly aches. Today he’s been free of the fever and he got a bit of his smell and taste back. 
small wins
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Early morning check in after a terrible night of sleep.
@Alisa @Lisa07 @Mno you are both so right. My addicted mind is telling me that I don’t need to spend time on my recovery. I have to maintain my sobriety. And for that reason I have to "maintenance "my sobriety.
I also realised that not working on my sobriety will definitely end in a relapse. As a matter of fact this happend many times before.
Thanks… both of you for reminding me of this
Have a nice soberday. 
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Thank you and it’s good to see that you are on a good track. I’m just now seeing your post from earlier.
It was @Lisa07 who responded to you this morning.
I’m glad that you are on top of it. How is your father doing?
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Yes I totally agree! I just took my meds now. My alarm worked otherwise I probably would’ve forgotten lol but anyway I’m starting slow. Last time I took 1/2 (5mg) my dose and I got super nauseous and restless legs… yuck. So I took 1/5 (2mg) what I normally take and I’m working my way back up to 10mg
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- Coffee. Feeling a bit better, mentally and physically. Early nights help. Contacts with friends help. Sobriety helps. One day at a time. Let’s do another week friends. As good as we all can. Let’s make it clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam.
@Ravikamor @Conor689908 @anon27760155 @Jennajen Looking great guys! Enjoy!!!
@Callie99 It’s a fine line between finding healthy distractions and hiding from our lives and the world sometimes. Keep going. Stay sober. You’re finding your way. Hugs.
@Girlinterrupted It makes me glad to see you check in Joe. Huge congrats on the progress you made with the ED. Just wish my hair’d grow back too
@CATMANCAM Hope you made it nicotine free friend. Congrats on all fronts, they should give you that job just because of making you wait so long right.
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330 days
Been knocked down by a bad cold and chest infection hence all the sleeping in, but back to work today and feeling better
@anon27760155 @Conor689908 @Jennajen wow have an amazing time what a fabulous experience
@Butterflymoonwoman seen tail end of thread well done on not deleting app I get that I had same thoughts on previous relapses and so grateful as you are that u did not. Never give up I can feel your quest for so sobriety. Well done for getting back on track
@CATMANCAM fingers crossed you get to hear this week
Have a strong sober day all 
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Those feelings sure feel big, oooof I know, and then eventually they will start to fade.
Something I am being taught is to try to get back in touch with my surroundings when I am in that alarmed state. So for example I played a game with my parents, that brought me from hyperarousal into the more relaxed “social engagement” area. Another way you can do this is to use your senses, it’s a very useful grounding technique. I have done it in the bathroom stall while at busy restaurants when I get anxious…
There are days I also wonder if I can do this Caroline. I am quick to remember the number of days I wanted to die while I was in active addiction though and those memories are what convince me that, yes I absolutely can do this. I believe you can too. Just reel it in when it feels like too much. Just because you have 55 days sober doesn’t mean you need to look at everyday as a 24 hour period… on days you don’t feel great take them 12 hrs at a time. Smaller bites, you’re doing great.
I am glad your gma is being taken care of.
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Oh… 
that’s what happens when I start typing early in morning!
My dad is recovering well, yesterday he left the hospital, thank you.
How are you doing? I haven’t been reading alot the last days on the forum… Hope I didn’t mis out on something important 
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Celebrating day 27.
Our family is preparing the home for Thanksgiving. And we’ve got a long way to go. My son has invited his girlfriend and her mom for the holiday. My wife and I are a bit stressed about that. So far, our kitchen is still a disaster. And my son had the idea that he was going to help by painting our bathroom. Except, he’s been working off and on since Friday. So this morning, I had to go take a shower at some out of the way truck stop before we went to church this morning.
Yet, I discovered that I still wasn’t craving to use porn. The desire to use is gone. My cravings stopped when I stopped the craving. I’ve accepted that I’ve fallen for a lie all of my life. I thought that sex was the best thing in the world and I could not imagine a world without it. Nothing came close to the feeling I had when acting out.
But the truth is that I don’t even know what sex is. Because I confused sex with porn, which to me is any 2 dimensional act or thought based on physical body parts and/or orgasm deviod of any intimacy, trust, communication, emotional bonding, love. Furthermore, this euphoria I’m referring to has simply been an illusion. I understand what porn does to me, but more importantly, I now understand what porn doesn’t do for me. Despite all I was experiencing in my porn bubble trapped state, the truth is porn was not making me feel good. Instead, it made me feel bad.
27 days ago, I was actually planning moderation. (Twice a month) It took a move of God to lead me to sanity. I’m glad He did. My hope is restored.
This post caught my eye today. Because many of you witnessed me here put together long stretches of days, but I was not loving it. On October 2020, I had over 260 days. Yet, I was still miserable, still craving, still obsessing over porn.
But today, I love sobriety. And I loved it the day before that and the day before that and so on. Now, I understand what you guys mean. I must be a slow learner. But this Thanksgiving, I’ll be having something to be thankful for. Because I’m going to be celebrating my holiday sober and I’ll be loving every minute of it.
Never give up, ever
Thanks
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