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Day. 9 of being sober complete, today was such a nice way to unwind I got a few things done here and there, plus church service was great today, I really enjoyed, I hope everyone had just as good a day as I had, and even if you didnāt donāt worry because to other is a new daunting which brings new opportunities for peace, joy, happiness,etc. Well Goodnight everyone.
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Checking in, 55 days sober. Iām really stressed at work. This is my first sober holiday hospitality season. Itās hard. I want to drink to cope with the stress but I havenāt. Instead Iām feeling depressed and anxious. Iām just crying, I canāt sleep. I am thankful my g-ma is being transferred to rehab for her leg tonight. I talked to her and she was so positive and strong. Puts what Iām going through In perspective. I had to reset my ED timer. I didnāt eat all day Saturday and Iām finally having my first meal tonight. Better then resetting my alcohol timer, but I literally didnāt have time to eat. Iām sorry that I have missed all of your updates, I will try and catch up. Thank you to all of you who checked in on me. It meant a lot getting your messages.
What if I canāt do this? It feels like the stress will just over take me. I just want a hug and to wake up and have it be feb 2022.
Love you all, Iām sorry for the rant.
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How cool!
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A bit late but I see your effort and your honesty. It will get u there in the end, I believe in you.
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Have so much fun, amigos! Love this.
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Day 468
Yesterday was a bit of a bust. When I do my 11th step email, the āwas I resentful? dishonest? afraid?ā etc part has been all ānoā recently, yesterday was all āyesā, and I feel it. And the issues are minor really, no sickness, affairs, gambling, etc. Makes my emotional sobriety feel very delicate. And I donāt want to drink, but I do want to hide away, and I know they are the same thing really.
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Thatās ok 
thank you for the support! I really appreciate that!
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Checking in, 1804 days. I went to my regular womenās meeting today. A client is bringing me down b/c she is claiming all this work that I should have done in her opinion. This is the first time Iāve heard of most of it. So tomorrow I am going to bite the bullet and call her. I will do work that is reasonable but will stand my ground when she is being unreasonable. My sponsor calls this ābeing in the solutionā so tomorrow I will be in the solution and deal with her. Meanwhile this stress has gotten me to clean the kitchen, dining room and living room floors!
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But what if you CAN do this 
Just for today Callie.
One lousy holiday day at a time.
Weāll be here for ya.
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Iām so glad you didnāt do that. Youāre not giving up. And youāre sober today. Thatās what counts.
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Welcome to America @Conor689908, @Jennajen and @anon27760155. Wish I lived closer to @Ravikamor. Would have loved to meet you all. Enjoy your stay and enjoy your very first Thanksgiving. 
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@ShesGotMoxie congrats on triple digits 
@Bobby38 congrats on 2 weeks
@Edwina welcome 
I hope you find the support here to help you on your journey
@anon53116147 I hate when dealers contact me too, it just proves they donāt care about me and just want my money. Can totally relate to the demon being woken up though despite being so determined to stay sober. Hope you got through it
@Legend06 congrats on 9 months
@4lilcinny congrats on 50 days
@Destructor welcome back congrats on double digits
@Butterflymoonwoman sorry to hear this 
glad youāre back and trying again
@anon86198612 sending strength 
468 days no alcohol.
436 days no cocaine.
29 days no nicotine.
Lots of urges today, managed to make it to a week without binge-eating though, and managed to fall asleep before giving in to the nicotine demon, itās 2am here now. Started watching a new show and I didnāt know beforehand but the main character used to have a problem with cocaine, and there are direct visual references, so thatās not cool but the show itself is good and not centered around it, so I will continue watching.
Now that itās a new week, Iām hoping I will hear something about the job, at this point Iāll just be happy to hear something either way.
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Day 480
Iām here and Iām sober. Right now that feels like a lot. My father has been sick nearly 2 weeks from someone at his work and after he called out this past Wednesday with a 103 fever his work finally took his complaints seriously and had him get tested. Positive for covid. Have been taking care of him and have felt physically healthy but I canāt say the same for my mental health. Hitting some depressive lows and just pushing through to help make sure he recovers.
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Thank you so much ur right that truly is what counts and Iām so glad I didnāt leave and delete the app. I need TS and u all
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Of course I donāt mind! Itās funny, because I just read in one of your other replies that you have not been able to take your meds because of using. Thatās one very important part for me. Being back on medication, the right medication, and therapy. I was very selective and did a lot of research to find the right therapist for me. I ended up with the best one in the whole world. The best one for me anyway.
Iām also on naltrexone. It reduces cravings for alcohol and opioids as well as the effects. It binds to opioid receptors in the brain, blocking the euphoric and intoxicated feelings. Iāve not tested that part out lol. No interest in it. I feel like now my brain goes straight to the bad part of drinking instead of the 5 minutes of the good buzz before getting shit faced. Itās like I transport to the future and gag at the thought. I can smell that stench I used to have when the water in my body was replaced by alcohol. The way I felt. How useless and sloppy I was. Barf gross. Thank you Zoloft, naltrexone, and therapy lol.
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Thanks for the support itās good to be on here. Great job today on managing those urges. Sounds difficult but u did it! I hate that too when Iām watching something and visual references to drugs or abuse comes up. Ugh. Yup time to turn that off lol maybe one day it wonāt effect me so much 
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I reckon Iāll check in. I havenāt been able to get on here lately. I didnāt have time to sleep, let alone time to come here. That killed me because this place is so special to me. I should be able to read up a bit more now. I have to say Iām absolutely stunned that I almost have 6 months on the eating disorder. I know I sound like a broken record, but every minute with that one is just an insane miracle. I canāt even say that I know how Iām doing it. Iām just so grateful that I am. AND MY HAIR IS GROWING BACK!!! Check out my sprouts! Makes doing my hair a little challenging lol. Itās like that on my whole head.
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I truly believe that there are a variety of ways to get clean and sober. 12 step meetings work for some, church, scientific methods, medication, thereās SO much out thereā¦ the fact of the matter is, is that as long as it gets you clean and sober, itās working! Some people have judged me for being on medsā¦ or I have been called weak etc honestly I NEED my meds. Thereās a very good reason Iām on them. My intense emotions are a huge cause of relapse and that in turn effects my quality of life. So if I want to get clean I need to be on the them. Iāve been on a crazy mix of meds over the 20+ years Iāve been trying to get cleanā¦ tons of antidepressants, antipyschotics, sleeping meds, mood stabilizers etc and almost all of them I am no longer on. They were needed at the time to help me get well. And it took a long time too to get to that right medication for my BPD and to cope with the symptoms of PTSD. Iām glad youāve found something that works for you! 
and thank u so much for sharing ur experience with meds and recovery! I do believe in therapy also. Iām currently not in therapy but it does wonders. Iāve learned alot in the past from counselors. Itās great to get a diff perspective on things
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Wow this is HUGE!!! Congratulations 
Really truly proud of you. Those numbers are amazingā¦ ODAAT love your hair too! It looks so vibrant and healthy
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