I love this man, glad you thought of that idea. Much love from your sober brother! 
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Thanks bro love you too! 
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Day 548. Time to talk about the shitshow. I am so grateful to be sober, otherwise I wouldn’t have the financial means or emotional capacity to pull rhrough this.
As you might remember, me and my flatmate got cats 2020 fall, who I have ended up taking care of much more althougj legally they are my ex flatmates cats.
I have been their primary caretaker for over 4 months while the legal owner has been on exchange in Asia.
The cats are almost 1,5 years old very healtht individuals. I had to talk the owner into getting insurances for the cats - her parents said that if the cats need something biggwr, they should be put down hence no insurance is needed. Last spring I was aböe to argue for her to get an insurance.
Last Wednesday, one of the cats vomited a hair tie. i was like ok, why do you eat those silly cat. But he kept on vomiting, once an hour. He stopped eating, drinking, started to hide. On thursday i took him to the vet. They took an MRI and an ultrasound that showed a severe blockage in his bowel and there was a huge risk of him losing the bowel too, potentially killing him quite fast.
I called her and told her that the cat needed surgery and that we will figure out the money (her insirance is shit). She said give kisses to the cat. I signed the papers and they took him to surgery. Soon after her dad called me, yelling at me that they wont pay for the surgery, they have never paid such money for a cat and they dont intend to do so now either. I said that i csn pay half, and they said no, theyre not paying anything. I said okay, I will pay the whole thing.
Long story short, I am having severe drama with her and her family bc they wanted to put the cat down onstead of paying for a surgery. I refused to pull him out lf the surgery which means I am gonna end up paying a few thousand for the surgery if not more. Im okay with that. But I am NOT okay with giving the cats back to her. Putting down a completelt healthy young cat with all the likelihood of him getting completelt healthy again. Shit, no way. I love these cats so much.
I have been taking care of a post-op cat now, picked him up on Christmas day. Cancelled trip to country of origin. The owned hasnt been asking how the cat is doinh, doesnt seem to care, but didnt react at all when I tried to talk about getting ownership instead if she isnt ready to physically, financially and emotionally to commit to the cats.
I am having so much anxiety over these. So afraid that what if she triesbto get the cats back and something like this happens again and she values money more than their lives. Mind you the surgery was a routine surgery - if he would have been like 20yo cat with a medocal condition, sure then it might have contributed to a prolonged suffering…
Shit this is killing me. I love these boys so much. I dont know what she ks thinking bevause she refuses to communicate with me, is she planning on suing me? Or planning ln giving me the cats? Idk. This not knowing is so hard while i am taking care of the cats anyway.
Btw cat is doing well post-op, he is eating and drinking and pooping and has no fever and he isnt trying to hide he is ALIVE and well
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So many typos on my post but dont care 
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This really sucks Jenn. But I’m so happy you are taking care of the cat and did the right thing. Poor guy. Poor you too. I’m glad you came and vented it out on here. I hope you can resolve your issues.
Do not let her have anything to do with the cats. She’s a bum.
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I’m at day 25 of booze. Valium taper is going well. I’m feeling really good. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!!
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@Callie99 Congratulations! 90 is a great achievement 
@ShesGotMoxie Part of sobriety is learning about yourself. I also greatly prefer small gatherings, say less than ten, and need time alone between. That is ok. Many of us are like that.
@Singtone The “sophistication” that surrounds wine is mindblowing. It is no different to any alcohol, we just think it is.
@Jennajen You are so kind. Surely the cat that u saved is now yours? My blood is boiling at owners who don’t take responsibility for their pets.
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That bloody sucks big time. Thanks for saving kitty. People can be such assholes. To say it mildly. Hugs.
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Day 4 . My mother is in the hospital again and I should go to take care of her and my father. Please pray for me: to be selfless and charitable
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@anon53116147 sending love 
@Eleven17 congrats on all the 3s 
@YeeYeeViking congrats on 11 months
@anon74766472 @RosaCanDo I’m glad you’re both feeling better
@Soundlab sorry to hear, welcome back 
@RecoveringJP congrats on 90 days
@Callie99 congrats on 90 days I hope you’ve had a lovely day out 
@Jennajen Bless your heart for taking care of those cats, I pray you can keep them now 
you clearly care more for them than your ex-flatmate does 
503 days no alcohol.
64 days no nicotine.
5 days no cocaine.
Less nausea today, so thankful. Still so hungry so I’m really hoping that settles down once I’m on the full dose of the diabetes medication.
I am struggling today. I had to go to my dad’s again, this time my brother, my sister-in-law, and my niece were also there. I felt like such a spare part, I was sitting there in silence wanting to leave hours before I actually did. I feel so inadequate around my brother, and I never feel a part of the convos he and his wife have with my dad and his wife. I played with my niece for a little while which was nice. Ate some food which was also nice, but my cravings for cocaine have intensified and haven’t left me alone since they arose on my way home yesterday.
The cravings for cocaine make no sense, I know for sure that I feel no benefit from using cocaine, and I know that the last time I used I felt like sh*t, just really anxious and panicky, much like the final year of my active addiction. So it makes me feel insane that I am having these cravings. What I realise is that I really just want to feel different , because the feelings I have experienced today are unpleasant, so I’d rather feel happier than I do. I am safe, at home, in pyjamas, in bed, have been this way for 3 hours. I am trying so hard not to let the addict voice win.
I am going eat something to settle this hunger, do my 2 daily meditations, and then try to sleep.
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Wow Jenna, I am glad that I can read typos and that the cat is OK!!! I can imagine how frustrating that would be, I also would be pretty pissed off to say the least. I might have had her name taken off the cats files before I paid for the surgery. Possibly you can call the hospital and let them know that she has given up ownership??? Is this my manipulative addict talking or my animal welfare supporter???
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The addict voice won’t win. Not tonight and not tomorrow.
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If you can’t sleep I have a drug free way to change how you feel.
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I was looking this Happy 90 days 
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and 
Please remember you can not care for anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first. I don’t want to insert my history with caregiving here and hijack your post. Just trust me, this is an absolute truth. I will pray you practice self-care, have patience with them and yourself, be kind to them and yourself and be all you need to be for this hard challenge. Much love
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That’s sounds perfect Rob, the flame are so symbolic, good you get comfort from this
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Jenny what a lovely, caring pet owner you are, how could they even think of not contributing to surgery. If your ex flatmate did not want to financially care for her pet can’t see that she would want responsibility. I think my approach would be if it ever comes to that day (I doubt it though) that she pays this vet bill first. You have the receipts. I hope it does not come to that, wishing your cat a speedy recovery
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Day 198 done. Family is being very supportive. Tonight I invented what I call a Moscow Mouse. Ginger beer with a twist of lime in a copper mug. 
a great AF party drink.
Congratulations on 90 days @RecoveringJP and @Callie99!
Sorry to hear about the cat dramas @Jennajen but good on you for saving that poor thing’s life.
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365 days!!
God I made it to a year, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could do this. Relapses! Hundreds of them.
What was different this time - 365 days ago? i had enough I felt I was slowly dying, symptoms of ill-health. Leg cramps, organ pains, upset stomach etc. My brain was mashed, incoherent in thought and speech, lonely, shrouded in shame and guilt. Something inside me just knew I had lost the right to choose.
A year ago I typed up a note on laptop (before my journals arrived from Amazon) I have never opened it again until today. I attach a picture of my thoughts. I am adding to it today, so I can open that next year
Sometimes I think, I don’t progress, but in comparison to a year ago I see today I have, today a road trip with Sam who is proud of me, wants to spend time with me, making memories.
This community has been the main tool and I thank you from the bottom of my heart
Still lots of work to do, got lots of negative traits to work out.
Have a strong 24 hrs all
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