Somehow missed this until now. How could I miss Donna? Huge congrats dear Lady! 18 months is just totally WOW!
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Congrats on your days.
Yep, complacency will be my demise. I love how you listed laziness as a signal for you. It is for me too, I know that my disease is surfacing by the order my house is in, whether I am showering every morning, making my bed, things like that. My disease had me living in filth.
I say that self awareness and living in the moment is really important for me because I am able to catch things like that before it gets out of hand or I am in over my head. A few years ago I was completely checked out and then all of a sudden one day I ācame tooā and my life was fucked so I just checked out again for another 10 years. Scaryā¦
Glad you are here.
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thatās so cute! Thank you sweetieā¦
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Day 4 is here and so am I, here for myself and my goals.
Really, really REALLY bad start to my attitude and bad most of yesterday. Iām just now starting to understand what the purpose of emotional regulation and mental health responsibility really means at 32ā¦ Also how I can still acknowledge my issues trauma/mental illnesses and past and not milk them or live there forever and learn to successfully remind myself to move on.
That was not taught to me, no one acknowledged mental illnesses in our family until I did last year. But Iām here, and Iām capable I realize now, and Iām learning.
Alsoā¦ now back to the thing.
Last night peaked intensity but I stopped my old familiar habits and listened for a while. As I was having a pretty turbulent conversation with my husband (who is so patient tbh), he asked ācan you remember the last day you tried really, to just regulate yourself?ā and I did somehow have one day even prior to starting this. I was so consciously determined to be really good on Thanksgiving, communicated and everything, it was a great day.
So Iāve decided my mantra is going to be āThanksgiving every dayā to remember that I can make my own days good no matter how stressful they should be on the outside. That I truly can be the captain of my own destiny if itās up to me; I can if I really reach inside and also look around outside my own bubble of emotional affectation.
Wall of text 
Thank you everyone for having me here youāre all saints and gems and I appreciate you guys 
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I love that mantra! Iād bet on Thanksgiving you were focusing on the positive, being thankful and on being sober that one day. One day at a time 
May you prosper, doing āThanksgiving every dayā.
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That Self awareness is everything. The moment i leave work as i drive home, I have to say to myself, "Ok are we going to be smart or dumb?(BTW, talking to myself is everything). I will next play out scenarios and how i want my day to go. I have Alerts on my phone, one at 4pm that says: ālive each day with integrity.ā 6pm : āWhat can i do to be satisfied with myself?ā I log my food at 10pm. I have to write, journalā¦my addiction is incredibly annoying cause it always pushes me to be selfish. My alerts are to keep me āwokeā aka self aware so i dont sabotage my evening, which in turn hurts my family. Folks do not understand this unless your dealing with addiction. Sobriety means everything, my addiction has already cost me so much, i will do anything to stay focused. One last thing: Guilt/Shame reflecting on what i havenāt done, all that does is give me a huge dopamine spike and encourages me to act out. So i had to finally let go of Guilt/Shame, just sends me right back into my issues. Negativity has and will always be, counterproductive for me.
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Congrats @KevinesKay 38 days! Iām about 23 days behind you. Just imagine when we hit 365ā¦I dont know about you but iāve never hit that many days in 20 years. But i will next year, you better believe it. That book manā¦a true game changer. I need to re-listen every few months just to keep that same energy going forward.
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Kat here checking in Day 120, feeling great!
Itās Day 3 of my pre-op diet and Iām sticking to it 100%, look forward to the broccoli 
at supper time though might switch to cauliflower tomorrow just for fun.
My brain is hilarious instead of using dreams Iām having eating dreams lol.
I read a post above about getting a bit of fresh air so I think Iāll walk to the gym to sign up instead of drive.
Have a happy clean and sober day everyone!
Kat
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Checking in sober somewhere around day 770. First and foremost stay sober just for today. Best wishes.
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I LOVE Insight Timer! Great stuff!
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Last night I got very sad news. I found out that someone I was very close with passed away two months ago. They overdosed.
I only just got the news now because Iāve not been in contact at all with literally anyone since I got clean, no one at all. No one could contact me to tell me.
Its made me realise that life is too short and can be lost in a single moment unknowing that it is your last day on this earth. Anything can happen at any moment while you are still actively using. I always knew this but I never cared because I was so caught up in my addiction that nothing would or could stop me from using.
Seeing life from a different perspective now. A clearer perspective. Its so sad how we have wasted so much of our lifes with using. Hearing that my friend had passed has made me realise that living without purpose or meaning is a thing of the past. Seeing that my friend died without love, without people around him that truly loved him, has made me realise how precious and rare love is. Being alone is the most heartbreaking situation anyone can endure. No one should be alone. Everyone needs to be loved.
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Awesome Mike 
ā¦ Find that peace ā¦ Keep on the grateful list everyday and this little great things that happen daily soon turn into big great things ( well thereās a balance cos shit happens too) when you totally know that that higher power is there surrounding 
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I totally read that with an accent lol
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Midday check in
Today has gone much better than planned. Made me realize that if I open my eyes to what my Higher Power is trying to show me, sooo many opportunities present itself.
~Today I had to go to Superstore to return an item. As some of u knowā¦ tomorrow (Dec 3rd) is my 37th birthday. Initially I really wanted to order in food as my bday present, but money is just so tight (as I am really making an effort to get my finances in order since I cleaned up). We had nothing in place to celebrate my bday. Not a huge dealā¦ I wouldānt have been too upset over it lol But anyway, like I saidā¦ I had to return an item. And the PC Financial lady stopped me. I normally just cut them off and say, āIām sorry but I canāt stop right nowā bcuz I donāt want a credit card. But for some reason I decided to stop and chat lol. She asked about PC points and if I knew anything about them. I told her I was fairly new to the program and didnāt know much about it. She let me pick out some chocolate bcuz I was new to the program! 
I thanked her and told her how much I appreciated that bcuz it was my bday tmrw and we didnāt have a cake or anything She then went and got me a $5 superstore gift card for a cake. Me almost in tears (lol cuz Iām emotional like that lol) I went in to get a cake from the store. As we walked out, I thanked her again and she gave me MORE deserts! I have a cake, 3 chocolate, and 2 bags of cookies! I feel blessed. God works in mysterious ways 
Iām trying to lose weight (sort of lol) but tmrw Iāll let it slide
Also made me learn something new too. That I need to be more polite to people who I normally would just brush off bcuz they are inconveniencing me with their job. Not bcuz I got free things out of this conversation but bcuz I realize that they deserve respect also. She was a very sweet woman and she genuinely cared about my situation. She was providing for her family by doing her job snd I respect that! We chatted for abit and it was wonderful. I canāt count the the number of times Iāve been borderline rude to these credit card people at superstore. I just need to be nicer to people in general lol
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Checking in substance free and super sugar free!!!
I am pretty excited about going away the weekend after next to an NA Xmas function. I was randomly asked to help which I am grateful for. These last couple of weeks have been a bit sketchy for me but time and time again the saying āservice keeps you cleanā becomes more apparent. I have been able to get out of my head and focus on doing my part to help make a memorable event for a bunch of recovering addicts. Some of these people will be celebrating their first clean Christmas. I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes because thatās how amazing recovery is. It brings a bunch of what seemed like hopeless people together to spread joy, love and hope to each other. I am so grateful for my life today.
Ohā¦ and my higher power always has a different idea for me right? I never have control over anythingā¦
So much for keeping candy out of the house, as the event āfood chairā I am in charge of shopping for the hot chocolate bar toppings.
Give me strength
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Sorry for your lossš
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Happy birthday! It is already the 3rd in Japan so I can say it.
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Oh cool!!! Thank you for the bday wish!!!
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Thanks, Charlie! 
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