@apes2020 Im so sorry … life for any of us can just end in a second… you are loved!
@RosaCanDo sending good mojo to you that you will feel better mentally and physically. That you will find and feel joy and strength and that you will thrive.
@1in8billion im grateful you’re posting and talking about this. You and your life are worth so much. Isolation can be difficult. I hope you’ll be able to talk to the psychologist… In the meantime there’s many armchair ones here who can help you not feel quite as isolated and alone. Sounds like you have some good plans figured out to help pull yourself up out of the dark places.
You have summer coming!!
@ShadowFax I thought the Dutch didn’t do video games? JK ( just kidding) since Dutchie @anon57836609 doesn’t )
Might be you’re better off being creative in the kitchen than w the video games.
Sobriety rules! Glad you’re seeing some sun!
Coffee. Slept a lot better. Woke up just once, to go to the loo, and DIDN’T check my phone when I did that. Not checking my phone at night is a rule I really need to adhere too. I will. One night at a time.
Had an intense therapy group session yesterday (they all are really) dealing with issues close to the core of my being like abuse and attachment. Came away tired but with a feeling of having made some progress. Small steps.
Afterwards an old friend invited me over to share a meal, together with a couple of other old mates. An old tradition that has been lost a bit since me and another mate quit drinking but when we do it it’s still good. Without getting stupidly drunk and fighting like stupid drunks do. Like we did. Never again.
Today is going to be a good day. Because I decided it will be and I made a good start by being sober and clean. Have as good one as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdam and the train to and from therapy.
Checking in on day 334.
Really thinking about drinking today. My alcoholic voice has been dormant for a while, but he’s giving me the works now.
Today is my 11 month anniversary, tomorrow is my birthday, and I am going back home for the first time in two and a half years in two weeks.
Add to that a social engagement that I’m really not looking forward to tonight (A new work colleague of my wife’s has invited us over for dinner ), and a conversation that I sat through with my work colleagues today about what they are drinking at the weekend and that ‘surely’ I could have a drink now since I’ve managed 11 months of abstinence, and you have the perfect storm.
I’m currently trying to chug my way through two pints of water, and then I plan to have a nap whilst listening to an episode of the This Naked Mind podcast.
I really need to trust the memory that I don’t want to drink anymore and that life is better without it, because I’m just not feeling it today.
That certainly is a perfect storm. At times like this I like to review my drinking history. Have I ever moderated well? How do I feel when I only drink a little? And also review the benefits I have gained. Energy, time, self-respect.
And enjoy the trip home!
And happy birthday!
ALL the lies alcohol and addiction tell us seem to come together for you right now. But you know deep down the truth is alcohol will help you with NOTHING. None of the challenges you face will be easier dealt with while under the influence. Instead you need your sober wits about you friend.
You need to know being drunk won’t help dealing with an awkward social function. Quite the opposite.
The craziest thing addiction wants us to believe is that a milestone is something to break our sobriety over. If ever there was a mindfuck it is this one. Be proud! Celebrate! And be sure to know you don’t need alcohol to celebrate! Huge congrats on 11 months Tony. 11 Months of freedom. 11 Months of progress. Maybe it’s an idea to check your posting history here? I know how many times you have posted with gratitude, happiness, joy, luck, with all out positivity about your sobriety. How bad your memories of your drinking days are. Memories that are clouded over now because of the voice of addiction in your head.
Congrats on your birthday tomorrow friend. Have a sober one. Because you are worth it. I’m proud of you. Very much so. Just a month to go to a full year. A full year of awesome freedom from stupid drinking. A full year of getting better in all respects, mentally, physically, spiritually. A year of growth. One day at a time. Thanks for checking in and sharing how you feel. That’s how it’s done friend. Love.
I can spend the whole day cooking, for sure, and i will enjoy it more than playing games.
But what I am gonna do with all the food, i have only one mouth to feed.
Mabey I start a busines called TS Catering
@Misokatsu, @Hopeful777 & @Alisa - thanks so much for your inputs guys, really appreciated! Today was relatively productive, called the psychologist but need to wait until they get back to me next week unfortunately, noted some potential job places to apply, researched into and enquired about the course I want to study, even went for a (9km too far ) jog for the first time in a while and had a little chat with a roommate afterwards (I moved recently). I am feeling a little better anyway. I read an article on isolation (Do You Stay Inside Alone At Home All Day?) and how it’s entwined with self-worth, so am trying to remind myself that I am worth it and do love myself! Very basic but deeply true. Going to cook something healthy now and try to go to sleep early tonight. No self-sabotaging today at least, odaat is what rewires brains and changes lives…
Thank you, @Misokatsu and @Mno.
Your replies mean a lot to me. They matter. They make me not want to let you down.
Two pints of water and an hour on here have shifted my needle a little bit.
I’m checking in here to send my best wishes to everyone to have a safe and decent day. I’m feeling pretty good about managing my stress as work projects pile up on me. I’m an ESL teacher with many students. I have annual testing of all those kids to get underway today and I found out yesterday that another brand new youngster from Nicaragua will be joining my class next week. It is a blessing and an honor to have this important work to do. But it can also be a bit overwhelming as our system was not prepared for so many new learners this year. My class is getting to be packed and brand new kids have a lot of needs.
Patience and calm. Yup, that is what they need.
My evening last night would have definitely involved too much wine before. No wine last night, and so even with the pressure building at work, I got some good sleep. Yay!
All I can do today is all I can do. We will make some steady progress.
Waking up on Day 4 feeling a bit better. Didn’t break down crying last night so that’s a win! I’m nervous for the weekend. By the end of work on a Friday I feel like I deserve a reward for getting through the week. No plans to go out this weekend. Trying to limit temptations.
Embrace your sober self! The Tony who is so much happier not drinking. The Tony who is out jogging and in the best shape of his adult life thanks to the fact that he is not drinking. The Tony who is happy that his weekends are filled with things other than primarily drinking. Whose children are happy that he is doing other things besides drinking. Who is happy himself with his work performance the way that it is now more than ever he liked it when he was drinking. Tony who is so grateful that he got drinking out of his life. The only thing is it’s still in his life and pops up as his nasty little needy addiction wanting to be fed. It needs to stay forever starved. There’s a slippery slope out there. The perfect storm. Don’t let it get you. And drink for what? Do you think it’s going to turn you into this amazing Tony that you aren’t right now? What would you gain? I think he would gain remorse, a deep sadness that you could easily be back where you were.
You got your life back from drinking. Don’t give it away. Feel in command of yourself and of your sobriety. It’s something to be proud of and to protect. There’s nothing to gain from drinking, just big disappointment and the possibility of forever being lost in the addiction. Hugs. You can stay sober xxx
Happy Birthday
Day 14. 2 weeks. Thankful. Good Morning Talking Sober Family. Happy Friday. Meeting number 5 of 90 in 90 last night. Love the virtual meetings. I was in Chi town last night. Wow. Heard stories of 20 +soberity. I’m in love.
), and a conversation that I sat through with my work colleagues today about what they are drinking at the weekend and that ‘surely’ I could have a drink now since I’ve managed 11 months of abstinence, and you have the perfect storm.
Today was relatively productive, called the psychologist but need to wait until they get back to me next week unfortunately, noted some potential job places to apply, researched into and enquired about the course I want to study, even went for a (9km too far 
) jog for the first time in a while and had a little chat with a roommate afterwards (I moved recently). I am feeling a little better anyway. I read an article on isolation (
