Checking in daily to maintain focus #36

[CATMANCAM]

@DryIn785 sorry to hear this, don’t give up
@iheartchickens4 welcome congrats on day 1
@Shae great share congrats on 30 days
@Jennajen I’m so sorry I agree with what the others have said here, sending love

476 days no alcohol.
444 days no cocaine.
37 days no nicotine.
1 day no binge-eating.

I planned to have a quiet relaxing weekend, but my friend msged me asking if he could come over on Saturday, I really struggle with saying no, so I agreed, he of course drank, but we also had some food and listened to music, it was nice actually, until the drink caught up with him and he got it in his head that he wanted to go out out, I attempted to reason with him about respecting his nan’s boundaries about not being late home etc, and that staying out with a low phone battery and nowhere to sleep would be making himself very vulnerable again, but he didn’t want to hear it, I go really quiet/mute when he gets on his bs so I just started clearing away our plates/rubbish and hovered in the kitchen, he walked out not long after. A little while later he msged me saying goodbye and that he had purposely breached his restraining order again and had reported himself to the police and was waiting for them to come and arrest him. It was late at this point and I’d started my check-in here but fell asleep quickly.

Yesterday I was so tired I could not stay awake at any point during the day, I think the week had caught up with me.

I could see from FB that my friend wasn’t arrested on Saturday night, and I had decided not to reach out, but he reached out to me this afternoon and I met him in town for just 30mins, and only because I had an appointment in town shortly after. He didn’t mention Saturday night and I didn’t either. I want to continue being there for him but I also want to make sure I’m prioritising the things that help keep me sober, mostly meditations and checking in here. I haven’t been keeping up with either of these for the best part of a week and I can feel it.

My friend also went back to his council flat tonight, with someone I don’t know, and they were drinking and the other guy was doing drugs, the squatters have left it would appear. I’m worried what this will mean for my friend. If he lives there again he will start having people round all the time and drinking even more and likely using crack again, but I’ve really got to try to detach myself from it all, but still I worry. I think that he doesn’t care at all about anything at the moment because he’s convinced he’s going back to jail after he’s next in court.

I’ve always struggled with it, but I know I need to find a balance between being there for him as a best friend, and taking care of myself and my sobriety.

I binged yesterday, not a big takeaway, but a big bag of crisps/chips, so I had to reset that counter.

[apes2020]

day 218.

10.30am.
30 degrees and sunny!

So today is the last day of spring. Which makes tomorrow the first day of summer!! Three months ahead of sun, sand, beach, and joy!

Im being given late afternoon shifts at work which at first I wasn’t stoked about because I am a early person , so changing my sleep schedule has been Impossible. I naturally wake at sunrise to meditate and chill in silence, so lossing that cherished moment of my mornings was non negotiable. I was not giving that up. So ive just realized now that I’ve got it good with working late afternoon shifts because I can still have my morning time and then head straight to the beach every morning for a swim and sun bake for a while , then come home with plenty of time for lunch and to get ready for work… Everything is working out beautifully!

This will be a beautiful clean summer that I am already so greatful for… If I was still using
, none of this would be possibe

[Jasty2]

Two weeks without being hammered or sick does feel good dosent it. I’ve been crazy hungry all day long too. I just been trying to drink a ton of water all day and not eat after like 7. I think when your body is trying to recover from all the abuse it just needs extra food, water, sleep.

[Lotusflower]

Thank you Tyler for the shout out. Family.

[Dazercat]

That all sounds gorgeous April. I so happy for you.
Congratulations on you 218 days.
You. Are. Amazing!!

[Chiron]

Love seeing you back here, my friend!

Get out there and get some sun! You deserve it!!

[Desire2ChangeToday]

I’m so happy for you. You’re shining bay beee!!!

I always love your nails so I’ve gotta show you my newest set. Can you believe these are my natural nails? No acrylics! That 90% fruits and raw veggies thing got something to it. My nails have never grown this long without breaking almost immediately.

[Lotusflower]

Beautiful…goals

[apes2020]

Girl there natural?!? That’s some magical wizardry in those fruits and veggies gorgeous!

[Desire2ChangeToday]

It’s not easy and I haven’t been perfect with it but it definitely has left clues of It’s healing and strengthening power. Thanks Andre!

@Lotusflower thanks boo

[Desire2ChangeToday]

The length is all me. Unfortunately, I haven’t unlocked the crystal power from my cuticles yet. that’s all made in China

[apes2020]

I’m currently eating my first mango of the season so I’m on the raw wagon , today

[Desire2ChangeToday]

my favorite fruit. Enjoy!

[Charlie_C]

@Jennajen
Jenna, everyone above said it already. It is absolutely his loss. You are a prize and he blew it.
Keep your chin up. I heard today this quote: when you lose someone you didn’t want to lose, it is to make room for someone you didn’t expect to get.

[apes2020]

Oh hayyyy the sun is shining , the weather is sweet as Bob Marley once gloriously sang lol.

[RosaCanDo]

What a crap day. ‘Tis the season…for sinus infections. I thought I might be getting sick but was hoping to wake up today feeling better. No such luck. I did have the joyous experience of my very first COVID rapid test and I’m grateful it was negative. So I spent the rest of the day in bed with cold and warm compresses, a few instances hanging out in the bathroom with the shower on hot for steam treatment, and some warm salt water neti pot action. Hoping for good rest tonight and a better tomorrow. The shittiest part of all this is that feeling ill is often a trigger for me - I just want to numb myself. But drinking only makes any sick feeling worse and I have to talk myself through those thoughts. At least I’m self aware. Good night, amigos, time to close my eyes.

[Nordique]

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling good Rosa but that’s a plus it’s not covid! I hope you feel better tomorrow!

[RosaCanDo]

Thanks - funny that my mom said “That’s a relief, but Oh No!!!” That made me laugh a bit!

[TigerMatriarch]

Good riddance to bad rubbish! If he isn’t up to the better you, it’s his loss. Someday you’ll be grateful he adiosed himself out of your life and you don’t have to take out the trash.

[EarnIt]

Two Weeks. Feeling pretty “drinky” today. I just want to shut down. Solution to that? On a meeting where priority shares are given to those with over a year sobriety. Listening to the gratitude and changes in these lives will get me through just for today. I know we have great shares here and sometimes you just need to hear and see a person speak.

I had a great first interview with a food producer to do their sales in Nebraska, some of IA, and up to Sioux Falls, SD. It comes with a company car and fair yearly compensation. I am not giving up my charcuterie business. I just feel that for the first 6 months to a year of being sober, it would be beneficial to me to have steady income that doesn’t solely rest on my marketing, my labor, my investments. I am not sure when the next round will be, but I know my shit when it comes to grocery sales, so here’s hoping.