When you’re dancing like Sam Rockwell, that shit needs to go viral so we can all see it. 
Have a great rest of the week.
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Thanks stella, same to you love your n.a Group, kind of wish we had groups like that. Not that I can’t still learn from the smaller groups, but more to connect with big groups.
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Had a reasonably good morning. Spent a couple hours with my Peer Support, and it looks like I’m going to get my job back. Best of all, my Facebook account is “Scheduled for deletion”. Still, I have this weird, unsettled feeling. Not quite anxiety, or irritability. Can’t pin down what I’m feeling. 
Anyway, hope everybody is doing well!
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Here I am, 23 days in and feeling good. It’s been a day full of fun and frolics, present wrapping, over eating and playing games with the kids.
Working on a poem for Xmas to celebrate us as a community for getting to where we are.
If you’re happy and focussed keep the good work going, if you’re struggling, keep on fighting. It’s in the hard times you earn those good days ahead!
Love, prayers and hugs to all who need them!
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40 days sober today. 
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I’m late as usual but congrats on your sober days its been a pleasure watching you grow. Well done 
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Talk about whatever u want.
Some people are dicks. That’s on them. But not showing may not be as malicious as fucking with u. People are also flaky af. Myself included.
Personally, I really respect ur efforts to improve and expand ur interests.
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Afternoon check in
Today has been such a busy day. It’s really a good so I can’t really complain lol but I havent had time for myself yet. Need to make sure that I do. I normally love being productive but with that also comes exhaustion and sometimes stress. Anyway, I got alot done today 
Have a few more things to do AND going to schedule in some meditation too. Maybe a nice hot bath tonight with some essential oils. Coming up to Day 3 in 1.5 hours. No serious cravings to be honest. Not like I used to have around day 3. Anyway, will check in abit later. Need to get back to doing what I need to do 
hugs 🫂
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Checking in, day 91
The days have been well and breathing has become seemingly less labored, as if everyday I get lighter. Not just physically or spiritually but like the burden I carry from my mistakes and shortcomings steadily dematerializing.
I’ve gotten back into yoga and I dont understand how it hurts my body more than pushing plates 
I still find myself wondering how the fuck I got here when I think its about to be Christmas and im spending it without my best friend/life partner. So despite my feeling best that I’ve felt in ages, I can’t help but still feel lonely. I miss her and our little family.
Feeling a bit apathetic over my milestone but yesterday marked 90 days from my suicide attempt.
I remember how I was in psychiatric hold and telling all the doctors that “I was ok, I was just drunk” But in reality I couldnt wait to get out thinking “I failed because I was weak and intoxicated, this next time I’ll use a gun.”
But, I got out and just thought of my partner’s smile and her scent and never being able to have her again. It made me want to go through with it immediately, but then I thought to myself “killing myself would be a form of giving up and I always told her that I would never give up on her no matter what” Then I started to listen out for my daughter and she really needed me, I thought about how she’d grow up without me and I just couldn’t stand the idea of her growing up fucked up how I did. She deserves better.
Reluctantly, I chose to live.
I fought and fought for my partner’s love but have been met with pure resistance. I briefly thought about ending myself again but by this time, I knew better. My beautiful angel needs me and hurting myself over someone who I’ve given so much to and has given so little in return was not worth it.
I love you to death. But you’re not worth it.
You know what’s worth it?
I am.
I’m fucking worth it.
I am worth the world.
And you threw me away.
I feel sorry for your loss.
I would’ve literally killed for me if I were you.
I am worth it, all of it.
I hope you are well, the love of my life.
The one who almost killed me, I miss you.
And I always will.
But I am not that person anymore.
I am the best me.
I am in love with me.
That, I have you to thank for.
Thank you to my love, my biggest crush, my best friend, my favorite worry, my forever, I thank you.
Thank you a million times.
Even though you may hate me, today I love you more than ever.
Thank you god for giving me the strength.
Thank you mom for never giving up on me when everyone else did.
Thank you to my daughter for coming into existence and being the greatest blessing imaginable.
And thank you to everyone who’s supported me and/or stayed sober. You guys are fucking amazing
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Congratulations on your 90 says PB.
You certainly are worth it.
And you’re freaking awesome.
Keep up the great work.
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Not feeling it but checking in on Day 138
Have a great sober day everyone!
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Congrats on 90 days.
You are sooo worth it! I am glad you figured that out. Your posts are so raw and honest and real. I am so happy to see you moving forward and glad you are here. Sober day by sober day.
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Congratulations on your 138 days Kat!! I’m right there with ya. Not feeling it.
But we’re not drinking tonight.
Tomorrow is going to be better.
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Checking in…
722 days substance free
We all know that addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful, but until we are faced with it nose to nose, these things are easy to forget. I checked in yesterday after a weekend away, and honestly, I feel so full. I can’t put into words how impactful the weekend’s energy was on me. But, it’s still not enough; I am still vulnerable. My addict had me by the throat today, and I was in a very dangerous situation.
A bit of back story.
I have unmedicated ADD, I have suffered my whole life, and when I did Meth, it honestly was the most " focused" I have ever been. My daughter has recently been prescribed medication for her ADHD, but she is unwilling to take them. I will be 100% transparent; since picking them up a few weeks ago, they have been on my mind occasionally. Today when I saw the pill bottle on the microwave, the obsessive thoughts started immediately; luckily, I was leaving the house to a Dr’s appointment. As I drove, my addict completely took my thinking over, and my thoughts became, “You can just start the medication that’s at home and pretend Sasha is taking it, then the med’s will be covered by her father’s medical.”, “It wouldn’t be a relapse; you need them.”, " The Dr never gives you medication because they think you are drug-seeking when you aren’t!", “Just try them first before you even talk to a Dr about it, see if they even help you.”
I sat in this cesspool of thoughts for about 30 mins driving, obsessing, planning, working it all out in my sick little fucking head until SOMEHOW I got a hold of myself and immediately called my sponsor.
" Be honest with your Dr and talk to her about this."
Funny enough, I hadn’t even considered talking to this particular Dr about the medication, this Dr who is the Addictions Specialist. During the appointment I did, it took so much courage. I was worried that if I were honest about the thoughts that I had been having, she would think I was drug seeking, but she didn’t. Instead, she commended me on my honesty and said that she would be willing to prescribe something for me if my GP wouldn’t ( she is going to contact my GP) That the script would be daily pick-up at the Pharmacy, and I would have to do urine screening to make sure I was not using. That sounded fair to me.
You know, our days start to stack on top of one another, but every day is a new experience no matter how many days in we are. I have never been almost two years clean with a bottle of amphetamine in my home until recently. Handing my will and my life over to the care of powers greater than myself is the only way I will succeed.
Cunning, baffling, and powerful…
Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness…
Hanging on tight here.
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Checking in on day 192. Up since 3am for travel. A thousand miles later made it. Trying to catch up reading TS but falling asleep on my phone. So many great milestones, congratulations @everyone!
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Wow. Just…wow. You amaze me. Love you and I’m so happy your followed through with your tools to a great outcome. 
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Checking in day 29.
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Wow!!! Thank you for sharing this. That took so much courage and honesty on your part. How you handled this situation is amazing and the hard work you’ve put into recovery is definitly being shown here 
I’m so damn proud of you! I’ve never really had an issue with pills (well except for hydromorphs) but pills are the one thing that gets my mind turning and my addict thinking going. It’s like I try to justify twice as hard and thats why I can’t have any addictive medications bcuz I will end up misusing them. I’m glad u took the next right action super proud of you!
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