Day 3
I am so inspired by the recovery on here and from the stories I read. Everyone really impresses me… everyone who works through tough times and scary situations, those that come back after a relapse, those celebrating milestones. It amazes me. It shows me that recovery is possible! I’m no more special or worse than anyone else… and if you all can do this one day at a time, so can I! I’m feeling blessed today 
I’m grateful 
It’s amazing at how fast things go to shit when I use… but also how certain things (not everything yet) get better just as quick. My relationship with my husband is improving. Its a huge motivator for us to stay clean. Financially things are getting abit better (still have a long ass way to go tho, but they are improving). My job is better, I’m more reliable. I take better care of myself and actually care about my health! For example, I had a scare this past Sat. My team leader at work informed me that I may have been in close contact with someone who tested positive for covid (my clients parents who came to visit her). I did interact with them so I was nervous n scared. Today I went to the pharmacy to get a free rapid covid test kit. They came out last Friday. So I went home and did the test… stuck the swab up my nose and tested it. 5 min later the test came back negative! Grateful of course but it also made me think… 1st off being grateful I’m clean and sober so that I care enough about myself to test myself for covid… and 2nd of all, this will be the only thing I’m sticking up my nose from now on lmao seriously I thought about that! Lol to be able to respect myself and my body enough to not harm it with substances that do nothing for me. Absolutely nothing! Anyway, hitting the pillow tonight with a clear and sober mind feels great! Have a great day/night everyone 🫂
Wow, that is pretty intense. That has to be so hard. I think it’s incredible growth that you felt the feels, bargained with yourself (normal btw) and then brought your honest concerns to the doctor. That’s powerful. Love you to pieces girl xo
I am 19 days sober on booze. Very grateful for that. Want to make it to 30 and beyond.
Been a big week for me, finally moved into new house with my partner but so much stuff everywhere. A bit overwhelming. Been trying to sort various bits of admin but still feels like I haven’t made a dent.
It’s weird…like I’m not really anxious about these big life changes or covid that is always in the news but also feel burned out and a bit surreal.
Nothing I can do about the past or my mistakes (except learn from them). There are still times I wish my marriage had not ended and I get sad, but in other ways I’m a much better person now than I was then. It’s the mental gymnastics to realize reality vs desire. Accept reality but work to better your life…which I’ve tried to do, but it’s not so easy.
Still, I’m going to stick with sobriety and push through. Trusting God that times will get better…even though I am very lucky and grateful for what I have.
Day 497
I got the extra class. So next year I will be working basically a full time teaching load, but as I am part-time, no meetings, no institution admin. This is more than I did two or three years ago when I reduced my classes to focus on mental health and sobriety. I am confident I can handle it. I am able to function at a much more productive level than I did when drinking (obviously) but even in early sobriety. Stability and productiveness took time, but they are here. Not perfectly, others may be more career driven than me, they can work full-time, be department heads, etc. For what I want, what I can do, I am doing the best I can.
Amazing awareness, positive action and outcome. Thanks for sharing.
Congrats Fleur.
359 days
Off work with back pain, spoken to doctors they think some muscle/nerve damage, so just resting and hoping with all my might it gets better in next few days.
@Lotusflower so lovely your boys are coming home, enjoy every moment 
congratulations on 30 days
@050Nl hello! So pleased to see you check in, never alone here. How cute is your puppy, they really are a comfort, have you named him or her? Good to “see” you
@Charlie_C congratulations on 400 days 
and such a cute photo of your grandchildren with santa
@Petr 3 years! Congratulations 
@Dmcg1987 great work on your 90 day milestone
@Its_me_Stella those photos of your NA weekend look perfect, smiling faces, sunset and night lanterns wow 
and amazing work with the Doctor Stella and the positive outcome
@anon53116147 you keep venting we don’t get tired of it
@paper_boats 90 days is huge, your post really touched me , well done
@CATMANCAM wishing gyou strength
So each and all have 24 hrs of peace, strength and sobriety
@Callie99 those sculptures are amazing! 
thanks for sharing your photos 
@PaigeTurner thank you 
@ShesGotMoxie I’m so pleased for you about your party and that you have such amazing friends
@Dmcg1987 congrats on 90 days 
@IamThechange congrats on your week+
@Lotusflower congrats on your month
@Its_me_Stella thank you I have such a battle in my mind with recovery groups, I’m pulled towards wanting to keep trying them but whenever I go, the social anxiety makes me so ill and I go mute so can’t contribute and then feel guilty and selfish for not sharing. So proud of you for talking to your sponsor and then the doctor
@Mich80 congrats on 40 days
@paper_boats congrats on 90+ days
@Hopeful777 thank you
497 days no alcohol.
58 days no nicotine.
1 day no cocaine.
Had the treatment on my feet. She also gave me loads more strengthening exercises to try since the treatment isn’t working so far.
Went to my 2nd appointment of the day, they dipped my urine while I was there and found a high amount of sugar, so they said I must have diabetes, so I’m waiting for my doctor’s to open in 74mins so I can arrange a blood test to confirm. Feeling so sh*t about this because it’s yet another problem caused by my eating disorder and obesity no doubt. I still don’t know if I’ll be able to make the necessary lifestyle changes so now I’m thinking I may die young after all.
Had my hair cut, it’s still nowhere near as long on top as it was before the ex-barber hacked it all off against my will, but still happy it’s growing.
Really grateful to have a whole day again, but right now I feel sick and scared because I’ve woken up to 2 texts from the same dealer off a different number. I’ve blocked it but my phone shows me all my blocked numbers and the only way to delete them is to unblock them, which means more texts. I need to be strong. I do not want to use. 
Day 91 checking in pushing towards triple digits
Wow, Stella! That did take courage and it sounds like the doctor you saw is a good one! Way to flex those sober muscles! I’m really glad you shared this.
- Coffee. The sun that was promised yesterday is out this morning. I still had a great hike. The quiet in the polder was beautiful. Just the geese talking and honking away. I might just step out for a little recovery walk in the sunshine today but it won’t be much. Stay sober and clean I will. Just for today. Just like I hope you all will. have a good one friends. Love.
@CATMANCAM Unblock a number, then delete it straight away. One at a time. If a text comes in, don’t read it, delete it instead. Satisfying work I’d say.
@Its_me_Stella It’s crazy how the easy solutions are sometimes impossible to find in our minds. Thankful for your sponsor. Thankful for you course of action(s). I totally see the temptation. You withstood it, using everything you learned and every tool you have. Great work. X.
@Hopeful777 Be better soon Marie. Positive thoughts and vibes your way.
Day 543. Feeling a bit better than last week. A huge economic burden has been lifted off of me. Home is getting nicer.
I got a call from my doctor for a blood pressure control. It was quite high the last time I was there in October.
My NP evaluation should be soon(ish). That’s a positive.
Struggling at work. Meh.
So much COVID going on I might not make it to country of origin at all. Hm.
It’s all fine tho.
“Don’t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright” 
Checking in on day 85.
I have been on a short trip to on of the dutch Islands for a couple of days. I went to vlieland, this Island is really quite during this time of the year. So great for me doing some hiking and bird watching.
This was my first sober trip since decades and I realy enjoyed it sober for the simple reason I dont have to worry all the time where to have my next drink, cigaret or where to go to the toilet.
I think I am ready for the coming holiday’s and I am prepaired for not having a drink.
I can do this and I am looking forward for reaching my 3 months milestone. If I can do this, everyone can do this.
For now just one day at a time!
Wish you all a amazing sober day.
Looks so beautiful
Hi Marie
Thanks you so much. I am really being in the moment. So happy there home. I slept last night all night.,
Hope your feeling better soon.
Here is Tuesday. This cold is making it hard to work today, but here I go. About a third of our students were absent on Monday. Lots of virus going around including COVID.
Well, I am about to hit the coffee and then the tea will be in the thermos for the morning.
Let’s do this and let’s do it with a clear mind and open heart.
Day 2 of rebuilding after weekend binge. My mind is clear today. I was a red hot mess yesterday.
Today my focus will be forgiving me.
Hope you all have a good day in your sobriety 
Morning beautiful people!! Starting out on day 9 over here and feeling fucking fabulous (finally) 
. Last day of work before I get some much needed time off! I am wishing everyone the most amazing sober day!
1210 days alcohol free
About twenty or so days on 1.0mg clonazepam. If I have to stay on 1mg, so be it. Brain feels a lot more…there.
Had some dreams about alcohol. Every night due to complex ptsd, I keep getting horrible nightmares that feel all too real, filled with death. I wish I didn’t have ptsd. The meds I used to be on, zonked me out too much though. Trying to adjust to normal life. Meditation seems to help the most, although random triggers make me filled with so much rage, that sometimes it is too all-encompassing, and then i have to consciously work on ignoring them. I used to self medicate with alcohol for my ptsd specifically…although I wish there was a cure for ptsd. There isn’t, as far as I am aware. At least, no legal ones, so I don’t even bother. 
Slept for maybe six hours, probably less. This time, I didn’t really dream about anything at all, which was nice. I would rather just have a whole lot of nothing occurring in my brain whilst asleep, than have nightmares. There ought to be a way to eliminate dreaming entirely, so I can just have the sleeping aspect.
Oh well. Probably going to do some planks, push-ups, and leg exercises to start the day. Tendons feel better. Then it’s off to the store.
Hope everyone is doing okay.
Sometimes I wish I could just do life over again…maybe there is some kind of eternal return or reincarnation, but I guess I just have to try to improve the one life I know I have…even if I just wallow in psychological pain so frequently.
Life is tough…and the current state of society does not help me at all. Makes me crave the sweet release of death all too often. I wonder how much longer it will be like this…because I cannot handle it. Gets more and more difficult every day.
Oh well…doesn’t matter anyway. In my life, nothing matters.