Day 4
Well I’m physically feeling okay today. I mentioned to my team lead that I can not work my shift on the 26th at that particular house (the house that is currently under full PPE due to the positive covid case from my clients father who came to visit her). In January I work at a completely diff home across the city with 2 other clients so it’s just that 1 shift I have to decline. Hope they understand 
Anyway, I’m feeling alittle “off” today. Not sure what it’s about. Not necessarily in a bad mood or anything but it’s almost like a feeling of something lingering over you… like a cloud… but it definitely has to do with addiction. Had a very brief thought 1st thing this morning about using. I acknowledged that it was there and then thought “okay, I need to step up my game today”. So I did my prayer this morning, came on here, and will do 1 or 2 online NA meetings today. I used to just brush off these using thoughts or triggers and pretend that they weren’t there. But I found that this method doesn’t work for me. If I don’t address the issue, it gets bigger and before u know it there’s a pipe in my mouth 
soooo…I am learning to acknowledge it and then treat it BEFORE it gets so big that I struggle to manage it. So online meetings it is, along with TS, and reviewing my reasons why I quit. Maybe go out for a walk today or get creative doing something. Idk. But I won’t be using. It’ll be day 5 by 530pm so I am striving for 1 week!! Have a fabulous addiction free day everyone! 🫂
Also… does anyone else get triggered to use by the weather? Or is it just me? The weather is gloomy and “off” today… and I really feel like it’s part of the reason why I have using thoughts. Weird eh?
Thank you! Yes i know it’s for the best and I’m glad I had the strength to walk away. 
Thank you so much, I woke up in a much better head spade after sharing here. I feel so much better being sober I really do. I’m learning to talk about my feelings and suppress them which is hard for me I’m always very independent and hold things in.
*A true Gamechanger for me.
There is one helping those struggling with Alcohol that has alot of the same principles.
That’s the magic that works here for me. It’s a beautiful thing. 
When i tell you i have tried everything, i have. This was the one thing that hit me deep, it finally clicked and just made sense. I’ve struggled with relapse every 8 days from March to October, Since reading the book, i dont even have cravings anymore, 0 withdrawals. I can’t say it will also be your experience, but it’s the most free i’ve felt since 2001. I’m not exaggerating.
I’m a little late seeing this Carolyn, I hope your feeling better today.
None of this shit is normal. We’re sober!! 
I’m learning to let it out here and it always feels better. I hope you are having better or nicer feelings today.
Hugs
Omg really?! Thats incredible! I have to read this now lol I started using when I was 16 and I’m 37 now. I currently have 4 days. And I too was a chronic relapser. I’d tend to fall around the day 3 mark. I am making progress tho as I have gotten up to 6 days now clean and sober. I feel like things have changed for me. I respond now instead of react and I’m working hard at changing my thinking. But im always interested in learning and trying things that may help me 
We love you right back, Rob! 
Big congrats on your 558 days sober! 
That’s good thinking. When you feel like using, immediately nip that thought in the bud. Don’t allow it to wander around your mind until it overwhelms you. You CAN do this.
I am going to purchase the book. It’s only $10 for this book on Amazon! I didn’t realize allen carr also has books for stopping emotional eating, stopping smoking, stopping gambling, etc. The stopping emotional eating one would be good for me too maybe. I’ll get this one 1st! Thank you so much
Thanks, Eric. 
Today is much better. Yesterday let me know that I’m not prepared for everything. That anger hit me right out of the blue, and it was overwhelming. I was literally shaking inside. I eventually broke down in every sense of the term and sobbed it all out. Thank you for caring. 
Very happy to help. If it weren’t for these post, i would have never heard about it myself.
Thank you so much 
ya… if I don’t do something about the urge at the first sign of it, it literally follows me around in my mind all day until its sooo strong that I end up caving I’m feeling good about recovery even tho things are starting to emotionally get intense lol but it surprising that my 1st thought isn’t even to use anymore! Anyway, I hope u are doing better today you can always vent and talk and speak about it as much as you want in order to get it out to feel some relief. I’d rather u vent instead of holding in it which could literally be detrimental to your sobriety. Luv u girl. Lots of hugs coming ur way
I overthink things, so venting is definitely something I need to get comfortable with doing. It took me a while to not think about drinking anytime emotions got tough to deal with. I didn’t really want to drink, but it’s the first solution my mind came up with. So using NOT being the first thing in our minds is definitely progress! Love you, too. Thanks so much for your kind self.
I have SAD so yes the weather being dark, gloomy and the shortness of light in the days definitely makes me want to drink. When it’s happy hour and full dark
Awww thank you Carolyn that means a lot!!
Thank you so, so much!
Thanks for the advice: I’ll definitely browse a bit to see what it’s about. And thank you for your kind words.
Checking in day 18
Today was a bit hard for me. Had several brief but intense urges and at some point I felt like crying.
I did not relapse as there is an app block which prevents me to search p*rn on my mobile.
I will be very aware of the next few days as I have been relapsing whenever I felt like this.
@CATMANCAM sending loads of positive energy and support to you
@TigerMatriarch congrats on day 79