Day 40!
Pretty tired today, not really sure why though, maybe I didn’t sleep as well as I thought.
Took last night off and this morning off from doing any work around the new apartment, just kicked back and relaxed.
Although wore out from my current work schedule feeling pretty good these days.
Got some friends keeping a look out on facebook (I deleted mine) for kittens so keep your fingers crossed for me!
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33 Days
Slow starting day following a broken nights sleep. Once I was up and about though it was a very eventful day.
I’m thankful for another day spent sober and in the moment.
Chalk up another day to the making memories for the right reasons column and do the same tomorrow.
Goals have been sent for 2022. I believe it’s important to visualise where I want to be, that way I know where I have to correct my path, they are realistic and I will do all I can in my power to achieve and surpass them if possible.
Dream big, believe bigger, achieve more!
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I totally relate to this. I don’t know if it’s a “thing,” but it’s a great way to describe that emotional exhaustion and overwhelm. Hope you get time to decompress and the kills chill out soon!
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Ur absolutely right… it is exactly what he is doing. I would never go back to him. I have such a good life now and he deserves no space in it. I could never be with someone who has do e those kinds of things to me. And ur right also… about having closure. It would he setting myself up for more hurt. I’m glad u wrote this as it helped me to see the reality of this situation. Thank you 
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Proud of you Richard you are getting this recovery thing one day at a time! I like the idea of visualizing where I want to be in 2022. How do u set up ur goals? Do u set a time and date for completion? Etc. I think I will set some time to make some goals for myself also.
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For sure man, thank you and glad to see you back out there killing your dreams. Much love
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- Had a busy day of running around. Car needed an oil change and needed to get supplies for the NYE karaoke kids party tomorrow. I brought 2 of the girls with me. Well I knew just sitting still in the car would make the 2 year old would get ansi so I gave her and the older one a chocolate milk. No sooner then pulling into the garage I hear something streaming and turned around and the 2 year old was literally pouring her chocolate milk all over the floor. I wanted to cry! Like why would she do that. So now I have to make an appointment to have the car detailed because milk in a car is a no go. Lol I laughed after the anger subsided a minute later. They for sure keep me on my toes.
I received a message from their Grandma asking if she can take them. I wish I could let her
. She is currently in active addiction. I did suggest she come here for a day and spend it with them that way. I cannot let her take them. They’re mine to protect and I am doing just that. Well we’re all pretty excited for tomorrow there will be a total of 8 kids 
now I’m wondering what was I thinking 
. Anything for the kids! I hope you all have a wonderful evening. 
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Checking in
Literally slept most of the day. I honestly think it was me getting that 3rd covid shot yesterday that has caused me to feel so tired. Hope this goes away by tmrw. Day has been okay I guess tho. Nothing to really complain about. Just wishing I had more energy. Waiting for hubby to get home and then we will have supper and relax
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Thank you Tracey…way to go on your 87 days… piling up.,
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Congratulations on reaching 30…and beyond…you got this!!!
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The first two covid shots didn’t affect me at all. The third one knocked me and my wife on our asses for like a day and a half. No idea why. Lol. Hope ya feel better soon
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Checking in, 419 days no alcohol, 1 day no nicotine. I feel stuck, because I’m unable to let others close to me, yet I crave the connection with them. I have just few people left in my life and I hurt them by being distant and cold. I don’t know how to open up. I also feel revealed and exposed, I have to speak about my most personal issues, things that I despised myself for, with so many people, doctors, teachers, relatives, sometimes even with strangers. Sometimes I feel that me just being present negates having a private life, because the subject can turn into my most sensitive issues anytime. (I don’t refer to any conversation here (in threads or in PMs), it’s about situations IRL). I feel vulnerable and ashamed of myself. I don’t want to lose more people, I don’t want to hurt them, but I instinctively fear of being close to anyone and I don’t yet know how to solve this.
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Checking in feeling depressed today and lonely. I’m not sure how to shake it, trying my best to keep my chin up. I’m not sure why or how to help it. Going to cuddle with Rue. I’m so tired of being alone.
I do have this going for me. So I guess that means I’m doing something right
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New years eve…
I’m working till 8pm tonight , then tomorrow I start at 8am… If I was still using, this would definetly not happen
Happy new years eve ts FAM
Enjoy your night, clean and sober…
See you all next year
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Hey you, yes you.What you up to? Have you had a good day bc we could have a little something, you know you deserve it. Bad day you say, people annoying you - bloody work again - it’s OK I’m here now and we can have a little something to take the edge off. You deserve it after all you’ve been through. What do you mean you don’t really want to!!!. I don’t care about what you want, I’m your addiction and I’m the one who makes the rules. Anyway you’ve been good all week so just the 1 won’t hurt you will it plus you might as well now all the people you loved have left you. Don’t worry about work tommorow you can call in sick again they’ll believe you as you’ve only had a bad stomach 3 times this month. That’s it it’s just me and you just the way I like it. Don’t cry, have another one it’ll do you good anyway you can stop whenever you want bc it’s not as if you’ve got a problem. Work let you go you say, thank god for that we can do what I want now but you’ll probably have to steal it when the money runs out. Oh just throw the bills in the bin.
It’s cold out here, where we gonna sleep tonight? Have you begged enough money to buy some warmth tonight. You don’t look so good mate maybe you should go get yourself checked out tomorrow, try and eat if there’s enough money after you’ve fed me.
Poor chap was never going to last long at that rate, no ones surprised. Who’s next?
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This is extremely powerful! Very sad and relates the truth of this disease… Did u write this?
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Thanks Eric, happy New Years to you as well.
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yeah was just thinking out loud. How are you doing?
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I feel the same way. Lately I have been very open about it with the people am feeling closed off towards and that has helped. I have been very bold and gone so far as to say things like “I don’t trust you yet.” and then magic has happened. I swear these people have become even more vulnerable with me after I have expressed where I was truly at. Maybe that has happened because that was me starting to crack open? I am not sure but it has helped me trust them more!!!
I really can understand this feeling of wanting to do something but feeling a barrier stopping you. My barrier is fear 100%.
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You have an amazing way with words! I can relate to this… thankfully this isn’t how I live anymore I’m well. Very sore n tired today tho. I think that covid shot got me good this time. The 1st two were nothing. This one tho… ugh. As for recovery I still get urges. But I just observe them and then do something about it to get rid of it. I’m learning to enjoy silence and enjoy stillness and to enjoy the calmness in the evenings. I sometimes get bored with being bored and like to stir the damn pot (create chaos)… which means using. And I ALWAYS regret it. Every single time I regret using. So im learning to enjoy the change how r u?
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