Huge congratulations on 500 days!!! 
Thatās so inspiring to see. 
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@Mno @Lotusflower @ShesGotMoxie @SelfLove_42 @Nordique @Charlie_C @anon52066378 @icebear
Thank you all of you 
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Gāmorning Ami 
These feelings will come and go. I always have that so-so feeling after Christmas. We moms do so much to make it perfect and then, BAM! Itās over. 
Take this free time to do some things for you. You deserve it! 
I hope the kiddos are better. 
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Thank you so much Carolyn!! I appreciate you so so much and I need the support right now, super happy to hear itās normal though 
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Oh no!! Thatās awful! Take care of yourself and your fam Pat 
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Checking in this morning.
Really struggling with all the loss in my life.
I wake up every morning thinking about it. Sometimes I wake up at 3am then my mind races all over the place. Itās a mixture of what itās and whyās. Why did I receive the abuse and mistreatment at work and in my marriage. Why didnāt I get the help I needed when I reached out to soamy different places. Why was I always so kind, generous and giving to others while slowly losing everything. How do I crawl out of this dark hole Iām in.
I sometimes think, whatās the point in living another day. Iāve lost my house my career my friends. I struggled with the abuse from my ex wife and workplace daily. At work I struggled alongside my coworkers in an extremely toxic work environment. High stress high paying job that afforded me a comfortable life. Thatās been lost, and now I barely have enough to scrape by. Why did I care for my exwife so much, support her career, take paternity leave, support her family while they leached off of us. Why was I so nice to everyone while being treated so poorly.
Why did I fall into addiction, why wasnāt I smart enough to see the light. I struggle with forgiving myself for these thing and putting the past behind me. Being neurodiverse makes ruminating much more difficult to stop. Why didnāt my doctor listen to me when I told him the meds I was on were making me more impulsive, hypersexual, causing more anxiety. Why did he ignore my referal requests to see a psychiatrist.
Iām almost 5 months sober from sex, unhealthy relationships and cannabis but itās the darkest and scariest place Iāve ever been. Some days I just donāt feel like living anymore. Somedays I just want to give up. Iāve read a dozen books on mindfulness, meditation, forgiveness, addiction but sticking to any sort of program is so difficult when you have ADHD. Staying sober seems easy to me, dealing with the pain of sobriety and past mistakes and losses is the most painful thing Iāve ever experienced. I have no friends and spend all of my time alone or with my two young children. Iām desperate for change, to see the light, to make new friends, to let go of the past and move forward.
I sit on my couch while my kids are still asleep wondering how Iām going to be present today how Iām going to shut off my mind and enjoy this day with them without thinking about the loss and the past. Take a deep breath, think about what Iām grateful for, and try and get through another day alone.
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Thank you Kevin 
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Day 85 AF Another cold dark, dreary, grey day. Iām trying to not let that get to me. But no matter what I aināt drinking today.
@Sunny11 
Holy Cow!! 
500days!! Congratulations!!!
@anon52066378 
30 days!! Congrats Richard!!
@LabLover222 Welcome back
@Soberoclock Welcome! Spend some time bopping around on the various convos on here and learn as much as you can to equip you for your battle. Thereās a lot of kind support in this community and I hope youāll find it as helpful as I have
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@seekingsolace After so many losses it is really hard to see the light at the end of it all. Patients my friend. I know youāre probably tired of hearing that but I too was once in the same place the only difference was it was losing my loved ones. Then spiraling out of control in my addiction and losing everything because my disease took full control. You ask yourself several times a day how much more can I take? Then something else happens and if feels like your drowning. I encourage you to find one small task that you enjoy and do that at least once a week if not more. Also, I wrote everything down the things I had control over and the things I didnāt. What could I change to help smooth things over. Sometimes itās out of your control. But, thereās always the option of how you handle it and let it affect you. Please know youāre in the right place and everyone here is more then willing to talk and helpā¦just ask. Wishing you well.
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Merci beaucoup for your kind words 
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Wow āgreatā present indeedā¦ Itās so shitty in isolation, i was asking for meals on whatsapp, people would put a plate outside my door 
. Hope no one gets heavy symptoms, all the best!
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Day 2 just checking in.
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Checking in day 4
Have a good night guys
Peace
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Itās holding on to that pain of past mistakes and resentment towards ourselves and others that keeps us from moving forward. I have a lot of forgiveness to show myself, and Iām working really hard on that. In the beginning, when weāre early in sobriety, the emotions come as a flood. But I promise you, they do become easier to manage. I also understand being neurodiverse. I have close family members who are on the spectrum, some with severe ADHD. I know some people will tell you that you can get by without medication, but I know firsthand that when itās a chemical imbalance youāre dealing with, there are times when nothing else works. Talk with your doctor honestly about this (find a new doctor if yours refuses to listen). Use the tools youāve been given, pour yourself into yours and your childrenās well-being, continue with your wonderful talent of wood-working, come here often and tell us how youāre feeling, what youāre struggling with, and gradually you realize that you can do this and you donāt have to do it alone. Sending you as much strength as I can muster.
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Patty girlā¦I applaud you. You are a bad ass strong women. 4 years soberā¦raising your kids and your nieces and nephews Your breaking the cycle by showing up everyday and showing it can be done. So proud and inspired by you. God has)will bless you ten fold. Echoing other members thoughtsā¦make sure you getting your self care in daily. Bless you and the children.Hugsā:purple_heart:
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Day 7. Easy peasy. Itās day 13 and 14 I always struggle with. Very fatigued today. Was gonna work but too tired and too many digestive issues. I think years of lanzoprazole use has diminished my Magnesium. Gave up wheat today as I know Iām sensitive to gluten. Gives me reflux but took me a decade to find out. Giving up milk tomorrow hopefully no more back end issues once dairy is out my system. I donāt produce lactase so cannot break down lactose and other sugars. Meat and veg diet. No more pizza and kebabs
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Wooooohoooooo
Welcome to the 500 club!!!
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@ShesGotMoxie Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and kind words. They mean the world right now.
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Hi there, I am so happy to see you participating in the forum and expressing whatās going on for you. First of all congrats on your clean time youāre doing a great job staying on the right path, I know how difficult it was for me when my mood had crashed not to get the āfuck-itāsā.
I have been pretty victimized in my life in all sorts of ways and there was a point in my life when I was drowning in the cesspool of that. I was creating the perfect environment for all of that pain, humiliation, and anguish to stay alive. It not only stayed alive but it began to grow and eat me alive. My addict ( I feel like I live with a demon inside me) feeds off that negativity so when I was wallowing in all of that pain addiction began to take over my life.
The only way I have been able to stay above water these last 2 years is to re-word events in my life. They were not done TO me they were just done. I had to look at my part in everything because crazy as it sounds I did have a part. I had to stop blaming everyone for my shitty life and just accept it for what it was so that I could move on. I am still letting go of resentments that are holding me back from healing but I am working hard on that daily.
There is no more āpoor meā¦ā it is now ālook at how far I have come.ā It takes time and a lot of hard work, I have seen you on the gratitude thread and everytime I read your list it makes me smile. Donāt stop being grateful you might not feel it yet but it is magic I promise you.
Youāre doing a super job.
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