Checking in day 12
Gonna watch some football today
Enjoy your night guys
@Butterflymoonwoman congrats on your first week. Just keep going
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Thank you so much!! Enjoy the game 
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Checking in at one year, ten months, fourteen days wow so much has happened just within the last week ā¦ even day for me spirituallyā¦ I keep feeling like I have been battling something I cannot see and it has caused me a lot of fear but God has answered my prayers and fought it with me/for me. There have been nights where I have had to sleep with my light on, there have been days where I am scared of the thoughts that are in my head but I will never give up because I know God has got my back. I have grown so much mentally, physically and spirituallyā¦ as I am writing this I am looking at the ring on my finger that says the serenity prayer. I went through a rough last couple of days but I am at peace because I handed it over to my Higher Power. He is removing all of the hurt from my past (as long as I give it to Him), exposing all of the lies that I believed for so long, and kicking ānegative energyā or as I like to sayā¦ the enemy out. I am coming up on 2 years sober and I kept feeling like my addiction or something dark was just mentally and spiritually attacking me so I prayed a lot, read the Bible and didnāt PICK UP or go back to old behaviors. I kept on keeping on. I love you guys and this platform
And I really keep faltering away from it for some reason especially when I need support from another recovering addict. Thatās how we help one another and thatās what works is one addict helping another
And I keep forgetting that part of this and thinking I can do it on my own when I need people in my recovery. My addiction has been saying I donāt need NA because I have to say Higher Power and not Jesusā¦ I knowā¦ ridiculous how insidious the disease of addiction is but I just need to get it out before it takes me down. I kept drinking caffeine when I KNOW I have a caffeine addiction and my allergy to it is I get negative thoughts and anxiety really badly and get scared after I consume it
But I keep doing it so today I threw out all of my coffee, coffee creamer and popā¦ some people
May be able to do it but for this recovering addictā¦ I know in my heart that I canāt do it. So yeah, I am doing a lot of inner work at times and at times
I feel crazy but I know I am on the right path because I have faith and I am glad to be back. I want to get back into the groove of checking in everyday again. Have a good day you guys!
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Day 572 clean and sober today. Getting started on exercising these last few days has helped my mental health sooooo much. I hope everyone has a beautiful day today, love you guys!!! 
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Hello checking in Day 154 thank you for all the encouragement Ć²n here for getting 5 months! On to 6 months and my NA Blue Keytag with the help of my Higher Power, God, one day at a time!
Some brief thoughts last night about wouldnāt using be fun but Hell No it would not and I damn well know it. I really desire deep in my heart to be clean and sober for myself because I am starting to love myself as God loves me. 
Well should get going on cleaning and tidying and maybe a walk although there is a wind warning today. Wish all of you a clean and safe 24 hrs!
Kat
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Awe itās only a pleasure munchkin.
Yep a week, wow. Go us!
My day really has been good. Iāve got the most amazing sponsor, she sends me links, material, pdfs, tips etc regularly through whattsapp.
Saw her for the first time last night in my very first online AA meeting. Iām building up a really good toolbox as well as a network of similar ilk.
Not being in this battle alone but part of a strong army (force) is so mentally and emotionally empoweringā¦ Yeahhhh. No more lonely strugglesš
I hope your day is going well. 21h30 over here so will be zzz in the next hour or so. Need to be refreshed for gym in the am.
Have a good evening and stay strong.
You are doing SO well. 
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Hey Rob ā¦nice numbers glad the exercise is helping. Wanted to chime in on that as Exercise is one ofy greatest tools for good mental health and mood boosting. Keep at it.,
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Day 14 . I donāt know why but I have a lot of cravings.
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Awesome Des thank you! In 2020 when I first got sober I discovered working out on the elliptical and would do it every day. It made me feel so much better! Getting back to that habit is priceless! Keep up the good work!
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Checking in - day 2. I wonāt drink today.
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Checking in
Day 7
Been a busy day. Woke up alittle irritable but rested. Grateful for my recovery. Husband is home from work today as it is too cold to be working outside. Iāll be honestā¦ him being home during the day throws off my routine 
He actually doesnāt even know all the things I do everyday for my recovery. He knows about some things like my online meetings and meditating, but not all the things I do, my prayers morning and night, my little Bible readings on my app etc. We donāt necessarily have the greatest communication about deep stuff lol we talk and everything and enjoy each otherās company most times lol but Iāve tried to talk about deeper things and he is very straight forward and to the point. He doesnāt like talking about the past (which I can see why) or practically any sort of struggle past or present. For example, if I mention that something is triggering me or bothering me, he wonāt just listen and give support. He sort of cuts it short, give his 2 cents, and ends the conversation. I canāt talk with him that way. Hes very old school, came from a biker background with his family, so he grew up very straight to the point. He is supportive but he has his ways of showing it. Anyway, I do what I need to do and it shows in my acting and behaving what recovery is doing for me he sees the change! Doing a little cleaning today. Maybe hit the gym. And keep on this beautiful journey of recovery!
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Just checking in ā¦ Day 1
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Checking in,
Day 5.
Decided yesterday, that since Iām giving up one vice, might as well bite the bullet and give up cigarettes as well! Just hit 24hrs!
Iāve been smoking since 17. My smoking ramped up to nearly a pack a day during these last couple months.
Iāve never gone this long without one and Iām proud of myself but keep feeling the physical urge to go outside and have one. Keeping strong and keeping busy
Have my handy, dandy vape with me at all times haha.
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Way to go Meme!
@Singtone congrats on your year 
@Keeponkeepingon sorry for your losses 
@Newlife5 feel better soon 
@Cherry_Kisses congrats on your week
@KarenKW congrats on your week
@Jasty2 congrats on 50 days
@Andrea4 welcome back 
happy birthday 
@ScareCrow22x welcome congrats on 633 days
@kat261 congrats on 5 months
@Complicatedmama prayers sent for your familyās health
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@Alyssaflory welcome congrats on 3 days
@Ravikamor congratulations!
@Butterflymoonwoman Iām so happy to see this, proud of you congrats on your week
@SC-ptsd congrats on your week good luck for your interview 
@Tomek sorry for the break-up news, sending strength as you navigate this
@Bomdhil congrats on 2 weeks sending strength
513 days no alcohol.
74 days no nicotine.
12 days no binge-eating.
5 days no cocaine.
I am still struggling to stay awake. Feeling a bit of vertigo and nausea too. Hoping things will settle soon.
I finally found out about the job application today, no surprises, I didnāt get it. Itās a good thing, I wouldnāt be able to cope, I know this.
Really fed up with the depression, but I wonāt be making any more attempts to try to escape it. I do think that might be why Iām sleeping all day and night though, itās much like before.
The cats had their grooming done yesterday, Prince keeps hissing at Wolfie every time they are in the same room and he wonāt come into the kitchen to eat. All will be well in a few days but I hate it when things are unsettled between them.
I have my treatment on my feet again tomorrow, have almost given up hope of it working now, so it might be the last one. Will see what she says.
Welcome to all the new people and anyone thatās just reading for now.
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The universe is playing games with me this morningā¦
I rarely run into difficult situations. My health is good and Iām actively fitā¦
This morning after I got out of the shower, I started drying off and out of no where, a muscle in my left lower back pulled. I wasnāt even doing anything strenuousā¦I continued to dry off slowly, within 5 minutes I couldnāt move. The pain paralysed me.
I have an appointment that is very Important at 2.30pm. Itās 8.30am. Iām stuck on my bed and canāt move. I took some mild paracetamol. I canāt have anything stronger. I donāt have anything else anyway.
The appointment is for a new apartment. Iāve been waiting for this day for a long time. And now the universe puts me on my arse and leaves me unable to move. F$%k !!!
I pulled a muscle last year when I was skip rope jumping for exercise, Iām not sure if anyone remembers me talking about that. But I remember I was out for about two weeks. Two weeks I couldnāt move faster than a snail!!
I canāt help but think that maybe the universe did this to me this morning because Iām not meant to take this new apartment. Maybe itās not my path. Maybe there is something else waiting for me?
Who knows.
All I know is that I also have to cancel my shift at work today. No great.
Iām not really a āmehā kinds person but āmehā !!!
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770 days without gaming
Almost 5 days without abusing technology
A week from now is payday. Iāll hopefully be able to buy a new phone without putting myself in an icky situation financially. Iāve worked quite a bit the past few weeks, so Iām pretty sure that itāll work out. Iāll finally be able to put extrrnal restrictions on my phone. If I want to get through restrictions on my phone, I will. It will be a lot harder if I have to first grab my restrictions phone. Iāll shut it off unless I have a valid reason to lift restrictions. E.G. when I need to have access to an app or website for school or work. When I do notice Iām in a negative state of mind, Iāll immediately put my restrictions phone, the batteries from the TV remote and all AAA batteries in the house I know off in my focusbox. It has a timelock instead of a code.
Anyhoo, I did something fairly impulsive 
I was told by many people that there is a three month waiting time if you want to make your exam for your driving theory. And you need to have passed that exam before you can take the driving exam.
Iād been procrastinating signing myself up for that exam, but since Iām in āearly recoveryā Iām all pink cloudy and shit so I decided to shorten my to-do list.
When I arrived at the website yesterday, I discovered that there isnāt any waiting time (anymore). I could have signed up for this morning. Obviously that was way too fast for someone who hasnāt studied at all. But for some reason I decided that three days is long enough 
I have my exam in 2 days at 9:40 AM. In the last 34 hours Iāve spent 24 hours studying for the exam on my phone as I didnāt bring any of my physical theory books to my dad. And Iām still not sure if Iāll be able to remember it all in time for my exam. I hope I will be.
The spent time feels wrong. I donāt know if itās technology abuse as there isnāt a single voice in my head telling me it is and I have very valid reasoning for it as having a driverās license is really important to me and work also as itāll allow me to get home from school quicker and quicker to work once Iāll have my regular school hours again.
So Iām not upset with myself, just tired of looking at my screen all day(after 4 days Iām not even used to it anymore, progresss). Iām confused, but Iām siding with not abuse. I think itās best comparable with drinking na beer/wine. Itās a stupid gray area.
Aside from that my stay at my dadās place was okay. Not great. I intentionally let it slip very early on that I donāt watch TV anymore. Which he respected for over 24 hours. But eventually I had a massive headache from looking at my screen all day so he suggested I take a nap on his couch and at the mean time heāll watch a movie heād been wanting to watch. A new Leonardo DiCaprio/Jennifer Lawrence movie. And as I am a very strong person who stands up for himself and is very clear with boundaries andā¦ who has daddy issues, I put my headphones on blast and accepted Iād be sitting next to a turned on TV with a movie with 2 very skilled actors which Iām kinda excited for 
I looked at the screen a few times after loud noises but never longer than 5 seconds. Eventually he turned it off as he fell asleep.
Later he decided to continue watching even though I was awake. So I once again put my headphones on blast and studied on my phone the entire time. Once he noticed I was struggling with it, he did turn it off though.
Heās just dumb, he didnāt test me on purpose. He believes someday Iāll be able to game normally
This was a massive win though as I didnāt watch the movie eventhough my dad has a massive TV and great sound system. Once again it turns out Iām taking shit serious this time
Too lazy, didnāt read: Iām impulsive and my addiction is hella confusing
@butterflymoonwoman I am fucking proud of you, great job on reaching a full week 
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Checking in
Day 7
Today is much better than yesterday. Did some decluttering of old clothes to keep me busy. Came across a few items of clothes that triggered me tho. I have a pretty big dresser and the bottom drawer literally has been ignored since I moved provinces. It has clothes from about 8 years ago! I obviously do not fit them. They are too small but I kept them I guess for āmotivationā to help me lose weight. Havenāt gone thru it for a long time as Iāve unfortunately been so preoccupied with using and other things. I found some expensive workout outfits that I wonāt get rid of (yet) and some nice tops, but then I came across some of my heels and āworkingā outfits. Oh boy. My heart stopped and I swore I stopped breathing lol I completely forgot I had them. This was one of my āletās hang onto these in caseā scenarios. When I moved 1400 km from Winnipeg, Manitoba to Calgary, Alberta in 2014, I left with some money but not a whole lot. I was applying for jobs constantly and near the end of the month I barely had like $200 left and rent was due for the 1st. I started to panic and was actually in the process of āsetting things upā out here which wouldāve been a complete disaster! One of the reasons I actually left Winnipeg was to get away from that. My clothes came with me tho bcuz I had reservations and I thought I needed a back up plan (even though many other people in that circumstance wouldāve found a legal way to obtain money, but my mind doesnāt work like that). My Higher Power was watching out for me when I met my partner online. I met up with him in person, he gave me a tattoo, and gave me the offer to move in with him. He literally called his friend up, his friend came by with a truck, packed up my stuff, and got me moved into his place. And we have been together for 7 years now Anywayā¦ I took those clothes (I kept the heels cuz I like themā¦ I love the look of heels tho), and I threw them in a bag and tossed them out. It was so freeing but I have to admit it was anxiety causing. Idk when Iām going to be able to work thru that part of my life. Or if I even need to. Not sure. Recovery comes 1st obviously. I canāt heal if Iām high. Going to make supper and relax Heading into Day 8 tonight! 
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Hang on. Cravings are just trying to pull u back. It takes time to rewire ur brain, those neurons are just getting started, give them more time!
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