Well done mate
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This is beautiful! Thank u for sharing 
there is such an overwhelming sense of peace and serenity and gratitude in ur post. It makes me smile 
Iām glad ur here and posting
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I wouldnāt worry about it being technology abuse if your using it for something thatās productive and gonna be beneficial to you. Good luck on your driver exam.
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Sorry to hear this April. Those back pain episodes can really knock you down. Have you got ice? Get some ice on it asap. I know Iām a little late. But get it iced. Got to fight that inflammation. Ice and Advil. I so sorry your laid up. Thatās the worst.
Sending you healing prayers.
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Checking in day 45. I had the most amazing experience today. Ive been following a Medium on FB for a couple years now and today when watching her live feed she called me out. Said i had a male father figure coming through for me and walking with me on my new journey that she sees success in my journey. Well i cant even type this without the tears flowing again. ive had a specal family in my life since 6yrs old. My mom was a single mom with MS. this family started out as my day home at 6yrs old and when my mom went into a nursing home and i into foster care at 13 after watching me be bounced around in the system for awhile, they stepped up and became my foster parents. My addiction began close to that time. I learned to drink in my 1st group home.i became a bit much for them at that time and i was back into a group home. I moved into my own place at 15. This family has been my rock through life. My Dad in this family died from his liver about 10 years ago. He was an alcoholic. Last thing he said to me was if i could go back and stop i would. This is a huge part of why i am fighting this deamon so hard now. Anyway aming other things she said a male father figure had steped up and hes proud and walking through this with me. i just know it was him and am still in awe of the experience! How blessed am i today!!! I got this!!
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I am so proud of you Janā¦ this is amazing!!!
Youāve come so far these past few years.
You wonāt know your self when you start driving.
You will pass with flying colours 
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Omg how amazing is this!!! What an experience 
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Thanks April, I really appreciate that 
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It gets better. Day 5 was my worst, but after that everything began to balance out. Hang in there! You can do this. 
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So I took your advice and put ice on it. It has worked wonders!
But how is this for the universe play games with me. As soon as I was able to be mobile and walk, I get email saying that my appointment has been cancelled. Go figure!
So itās a good thing I can now stay home and Ice my back.
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yes that pretty much sums it up 
better to feel shit momentarily in early recovery than feel like shit in a lifetime of active addiction. You feeling shit means your doing something right. Well done Iām proud of you 
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Back for another attempt
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Checking in
Day 7
Had a huge scareā¦ first time in 1 week that I thought about letting my emotions do the talking and convince me of using. Holy shit. Something came up that totally threw things off. And I started to panic and then my thoughts went to using so that I could stop feeling frustrated and pissed off and upset and agitated. Then I thought, okay Dana, chill out and slow downā¦ how can I fix this situation and work through it. I told myselfā¦ Acceptance is key, Surrender it all, and Let go and let God. Been saying these alot lately. I find they help. Spoke to my husband and he threw out some ideas. I made a shit load of phone calls and sent emails to try and reach the right person who can help and do something. And thenā¦ It all worked out. Used communication and calm thinking and I slowed my mind down just enough to make things happen. And now everything is okay. And I didnāt jump the gun and say fuck it and use and mess everything up!!! Im normally sooo impulsive. And I actually didnāt react this time. I feel like I responded instead. Omg I feel relief now. But my god, that thought of using scared the shit out of me.
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Good for you, Dana. Iām glad you pulled through. Iāve been away for a day, so I wanted to congratulate you on your 7 days. If Iām not mistaken youāre getting close to day 8. Good job.
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Yesterday, I started craving to act out. My mineās toxicity level went up to 7. I was a mess. My TL level has not been that high for over 2 months. But this morning, my toxicity level went to 8. By this time I was demonstrating horrible custody of my eyes and mind. I was watching videos on my phone without much concern for my boundaries. And today I was thinking about acting out throughout most of the day. Itās strange. Itās like the addict inside me knew exactly what behaviors would step over the line into level 9. So I didnāt view any porn. I didnāt masturbate. I didnāt go near any places of acting out. I didnāt put any nasty search terms in my browser. I wanted to go to level 10. But the addict in me just couldnāt convince me to get past level 8. I tried playing the tape. Logically explaining to myself that porn has no value. Why crave something that has no value? That I was getting no benefit from this. And that wasnāt working.
But later on, I played the tape again. And this time, I played it even longer. And recognized that after the acting out followed by the guilt followed by the cravings and the moodiness and the obsession and the void. The end of the tape let me back to here. Because without a doubt, I know that because I donāt give up, ever, I will always come home. Iāve been here before. So why act out to begin with? From there, I started to come to my senses.
What I donāt like about what happened these past 24 hoursā¦
That I let my mind take me so far away from clarity. Iām not proud of that. And Iām not proud of some of the behaviors that Iām guilty of such as lusting after women in my view or on the screen.
What I do like about whatās happenedā¦
My boundaries. The toxicity level diagram that Iāve set for myself has been extremely helpful. Many times, over the years, I let myself go to level 9 thinking that itās okay because itās not a relapse. And then relapse happens shortly afterwards.
I like the fact that this is the first time Iāve craved in over 2 months! Wow! This is a first for me.
So my toxicity level is back to level 4. My mind and self has not been perfect, but according to my boundaries, I can still consider myself sober from porn 72 days. And Iām gonna take it. Thank you, Lord.
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Hey Kevin! Yes I hit my 1 week last night at 11pm. So my 8 days is in 2 hours and 15 min lol and I want to say wow!!! Wow and right on Kevin for ur post!!! I am so proud of you too! U worked thru that amazingly and u came back here and u didnāt let that addictive thinking take u to a toxic level of 10! Thats impressive! Be so proud of what u accomplished today. We both got thru something today way to go my friend!
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Soā¦ when I was reading your message I kinda teared up. I said oh noā¦I felt it cause we got the same war. The same struggle. We all stumble many times. Stumble forward. But remember: DO NOT LET SHAME OR GUILT DOMINATE YOU TONIGHT. thatās a strong dopamine response your body will push to make you feel betterā¦ which simulates you know what. Tomorrow will be day 73. Keep your head upā¦ it happens. Get up and move on. We are getting to 365.
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You won that one, fuck yeah you did!!!
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Kevin congrats on your 72 days!!!
I know how much strength it takes to pull yourself out of the rabbit hole once you are that far down. You did a great job today.
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