Checking in. #636 for me. Went out to dinner with my dad last night for his 80th birthday. Mom, brother, sister in law, and sister were all there. People drinking all around, but it didn’t bother me a bit. Very glad.
My wife and I have been separated for over 2 years now. On friendly terms, but not romantic terms in any way whatsoever. I guess it is inevitable, but just seems like a big step to take and I don’t want to hurt my kids any more than they have already been hurt.
Will call my sponsor later today and check in with him as well.
Hey guys
Checking in day 15
Its movie night for me today. Enjoying a pizza and gonna watch ghostbuster afterlife @CATMANCAM sad to know you are going through a tough situation. Sending good vibes and strenght to you. @SoberWalker thanks
Bye and be safe
I’m so damn proud of you… for getting back up and looking forward! U seem to be doing things abit differently this time! And I see it working it’s not easy to talk about feelings and emotions. And I’m not trying to generalize or anything but I feel like it’s especially hard for men to do that. Just often with how society portrays men and how some parts of society feels that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. It’s completely bs in my opinion. It takes more courage to speak our truth, to show that we are human and that it is ok to be vulnerable. And honestly u shared ur feelings in ur post just now! anyway ur pic of that animal is cool! I kinda wanna cuddle up to it lol he looks soft haha and ur camera is so clear and crisp! What do u use? Ur phone? Hope u have a great day!!!
Checking in
741 day substance free
9 months self injury free
Life is going OK. I unfortunately lost a beloved dog this week, that makes two fur babies since I stopped using. I am not sure how I am handling it to be honest because my behavior is different to any behavior I have ever had in a situation like this before. Maybe I am dealing so “well” because of all of the work I have done on myself in the last 5 years. The hours upon hours of therapy I have worked into my life, and the hours and hours of step work, and hours and hours of self exploration.
I entered 2022 with the notion I was not going to fight anything anymore. I want to just live life with complete acceptance. I know there will be many times I will need to rewind situations and try again but the intention is there and that is action. For the last week I have been walking beside my eating disorder instead of letting it control me from the inside. It will probably sound completely bonkers to most of you but maybe some people might understand what I mean.
In DBT we learn to use " wisemind" and walking beside my disord, outside of my emotional mind and my logical mind has been doing the trick. It’s a fine line and it’s not easy. I have managed to reduce the number of times I act out drastically and I have been able to think of my body as just that a body. Skin and bones, not a trophy. Skin and bones that are here to harbor my spirit. Nothing more, nothing less.
I have a duty while I am here on this plane to keep my body healthy so that my spirit can do the work it is destined to do while it is here. Sound insane? Maybe, and this is me sober!!!
So I have lost my beautiful dog and I feel no emotional pain around it. Maybe that is acceptance, maybe I am numb? I have no idea. All I know is I am not loaded, I have no new scars on my skin, I haven’t been getting fucked to escape my feelings, and I am feeling some peace around food today.
To all the people whole are new here, welcome. Stick around, read as much as you can.
Checking in!
Honestly… im really proud of this! Day 11 (the longest I have been clean in many years happens tonight at 11pm). Woke up so grateful I almost feel weird to be honest. I keep having these tiny flashbacks of the morning afterwards when I’d be using late and then wake up regretful and dehydrated and tired and whatever else. I feel like thats how I should be feeling right now lol but I dont! I feel so refreshed right now! I almost feel rejuvenated! Like I can do anything lol but I’m remaining humble and I’m keeping my mind open to learning new things. Just bcuz I beat something that I thot I never would, doesn’t mean I’m invincible now lol I will continue doing what has been working for me so far. And keep my eyes open for new things to add to my recovery! Hubby is in a better mood. He left to go tattoo. Still hasn’t spoken about last night. But he doesn’t talk much about deeper sort of things anyway. Anyway… have a great day everyone!
Oh no I am soo very sorry for your loss on your fur baby. This is heartbreaking . They are always there for us thru good and bad and never judge and always listen. I’m glad ur staying clean and sober through it all. I can see how u may be thrown off abit by ur response, but I feel like this is a very normal reaction. I also took DBT. I remember learning about Wisemind, but couldn’t really tell u much about it now lol. It sounds like it’s helping u tho! Sometimes grieving happens in stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At least I can relate to those stages from past experiences. They dont always go in order and people can bounce back and forth thru the stages. U are doing so well managing all this especially with what just happened. My heart just goes out to u. I hope u find some peace and calmness in ur day today. Sending u huge hugs 🫂
Sometimes I think that things can be interpreted in different ways.
Let’s use me for example:
16.5 years ago I didn’t see the benefit in surrounding myself with people like all of you. I saw no value in other recovering addicts. That was why I couldn’t stay clean. I did everything else, the Dr’s, the meds, the family support, changed friends, moved, got married, lifestyle was completely different but I had no recovery. I was abstaining without recovery and I relapsed.
Today I have recovery and my recovery is strong. I do not know 100% (I am not willing to test it today)but I can already feel the effects of not going to meetings and the change it has on my spirit and how quickly it happens. I am pretty sure that if I stopped my recovery I would eventually relapse.
So, would that meme then make sense to you?
These memes are not always directed at the person trying to get sober the first time. They are usually directed at people who have been in the program for many many years, stop their recovery and relapse.
Edited: I just wanted to add that I have never heard a person who has had years in a program announce themselves coming back after a relapse and say they were working a solid program. They always say things like… " I stopped going to meetings" " I thought after 27 years I didn’t need to reach out to my sponsor anymore " , " I thought that doing steps after 15 years in the program wasn’t necessary." " I hadn’t been working my program for years." Just the meetings I have been to though could be different in your area.
Thanks for you reply Dana, I appreciate your honesty.
I love those cows, the look so friendly and rough at the same time. I used a SLR camera, which I bought in a secondhand shop a few weeks ago. I takes amazing shots.
Ur on the right path! Congratulations on day 6! I hate the flashbacks too but just keep working thru them and remember that things can not get worse if we stay clean and sober!
Congrats on being sober 7 days! That first week is a big deal. I highly encourage you to check out something called golden milk for your evening beverage. So yummy and soothing and healthy.
it’s not easy to talk about feelings and emotions. And I’m not trying to generalize or anything but I feel like it’s especially hard for men to do that. Just often with how society portrays men and how some parts of society feels that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. It’s completely bs in my opinion. It takes more courage to speak our truth, to show that we are human and that it is ok to be vulnerable. And honestly u shared ur feelings in ur post just now! 
I almost feel weird to be honest. I keep having these tiny flashbacks of the morning afterwards when I’d be using late and then wake up regretful and dehydrated and tired and whatever else. I feel like thats how I should be feeling right now lol but I dont! I feel so refreshed right now! I almost feel rejuvenated! Like I can do anything lol but I’m remaining humble and I’m keeping my mind open to learning new things. Just bcuz I beat something that I thot I never would, doesn’t mean I’m invincible now lol I will continue doing what has been working for me so far. And keep my eyes open for new things to add to my recovery! Hubby is in a better mood. He left to go tattoo. Still hasn’t spoken about last night. But he doesn’t talk much about deeper sort of things anyway. Anyway… have a great day everyone!
I am soo very sorry for your loss on your fur baby. This is heartbreaking 
. They are always there for us thru good and bad and never judge and always listen. I’m glad ur staying clean and sober through it all. I can see how u may be thrown off abit by ur response, but I feel like this is a very normal reaction. I also took DBT. I remember learning about Wisemind, but couldn’t really tell u much about it now lol. It sounds like it’s helping u tho! Sometimes grieving happens in stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At least I can relate to those stages from past experiences. They dont always go in order and people can bounce back and forth thru the stages. U are doing so well managing all this especially with what just happened. My heart just goes out to u. I hope u find some peace and calmness in ur day today. Sending u huge hugs 🫂
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He/she is very cute 
as u can tell I know nothing about farm life or that sort of thing lol
