Morning check in
Day 11
What a messed up morning 
I apologize in advance for the long check in. I need to process this I thinkā¦
I left my place at 650am to go to work. Went to get on the elevator and thereās some guy slumped over in the corner with brass knuckles on, talking to himself, obviously right out of it on something. I go back to my suite and get hubby. Hubby gets dressed, comes out, and tells buddy that heās hitting the ground floor button and he better be off when this elevator comes back up. We wait. Elevator opens ok my floor and it is now empty except for a key fob that the guy mustāve dropped (fob is to get into building). The suite number is on it. I go to ground floor and my hubby goes to 414. As Iām getting off on the ground floor, there he is with some girl. Sheās pulling the carpet in front of the door to keep it open so they can get back in. Of course me and big mouth, begins to tell her that she canāt be doing that cuz the alarm will go off if itās left open. I couldāve just walked by and picked my battles and let it goā¦ but I asked if she knew that guy. Sheās like ya. And I was like well he was passed out in the elevator and he dropped his fob. Told her my hubby has it. She was all happy until I told her that I couldnāt get it for them cuz I was on my way to work. Told her that Iād see if my hubby could come down shortly. Both her and this guy starts giving me attitude! All of the sudden my hubby and some other guy from 414 gets off the elevator. My husband heard the guy from the elevator being rude to me and he stepped in and stopped the whole thing. No violence. The guy ended up apologizing to him and to me. Took off his brass knuckles. The girl went upstairs with the other guy from 414. My hubby took that guy back up to 414 and told them to ākeep this guy on a leashāā¦
I went off to work. Was just stewing over this. I had a crazy odd thot of using right after this happened. Not sure why. I got on the train and tried to refocus on my recovery. Tried to pray & was too unfocused. Tried to do my readings but again I couldnāt focus.
I realized how āsoftā I am nowā¦ and I dont like it. This whole experience made me feel like I probably wouldnāt be able to take care of myself if things had gotten worse and if hubby didnāt step in. I havenāt been in a physical fight to defend myself for years. I havenāt had to deal with situations like this in a long time. I let go of all of those āsurvival skillsā thinking I didnāt need them anymoreā¦ im not running the streets or dealing with sketchy people anymore. I feel off right now. I hate stuff like this. It goes against everything that Iām striving for. I feel okay now after processing this. But idk what to think. I donāt feel good that Iām āsoftā. Does anyone relate?? How can I change this in a way that wont make it unhealthy?
This is so wonderful! Keep doing that, youāre teaching your daughter a way she can cope with her difficult feelings 
Hi all checking in on Day 158
Hope you all have a clean and sober day,
Kat
Hey guys
Checking in day 16
Feeling a bit tired today
Have a goodnight guys
Thank you Olivia! I know right! I didnāt learn to breathe until I was 30!! 
It is super useful.
Good morning. Today will be 12 days alcohol free. Mostly doing okay. Pain is better today. A little stressed about going back to work tomorrow and trying to catch up with everything. But it will be good to stay busy.
Today I feel like it doesnāt matter if I drink or not. I am always going to have a miserable life. Thatās my check in.
I often feel that way too. And all I know is as miserable as I am ā¦ I will only be More miserable if I take that drink. Iām pulling for you. You will feel differently. Keep pushing forward. 
Well done on those 20 days!! Keep it up! 
Wow congratulations!!! Yay!!!
60 days sober today, 2 whole months with no alcohol and all the horrible repercussions that go with it.
Congrats! Thatās amazing 
I finally watched encanto too and I love it haha
Thanks for the reply. Drinking is absolutely the tiniest of whatās happening over here. I know that without getting rid of it, I canāt proceed to the big shit. Quitting absolutely does not make things much better, except to alleviate some of the suicidal ideation. There is so much. So, so much. When I look at the mountain ahead, and the shit that people outside of my span of control keep trying to pile onto it, itās exhausting.
I do not plan to drink in 2022, whether I feel like shit, or not. I cannot give myself the space to even try to heal if I shut down with alcohol, food, tech binge, or anything else.
I start a course with The Luckiest Club tomorrow. I am hoping that the small group size and the work within it will give me a pause, some ease, in my hopelessness.
Iām so sorry you lost your friend. I hope he has finally found the peace his soul needed. May you find it too on your sober path with your lovely family. 
Congratulations on your 20 days.
You betcha!!
Rams/Bills Super Bowl is my dream.
Hi Dana, Sorry things got intense today. I can relate as I have been following Buddhism for a while and I feel passive. Please stay away from your drugs of choice itās just not worth it.
I know difficult emotions are not fun but maybe you could try a self compassion meditation today? Thanks for sharing with us, it helps doesnāt it? 
50 days.
Congratulations
Day 6 checking in. As a frequent relapser this is my first time posting here to stop being so secretive or thinking Iām fixed after a period of being AF. I wasnāt going to post today as i feel fine. Learning from the past feeling fine doesnāt mean I can forget my underlying issues with alcohol. Reminding myself right here right now Iām on a journey. Iām thankful for feeling fine today. Thankful for all of you. Thanks for your support on this journey and well done to everyone here too.