Congratulations @MattyVicious well done!!! 
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Then definitely try the meetings and get involved as soon as youāre comfortable. We live in a rural mountain community, so resources in person nearby are few and far between. My son began attending some online meetings and actually found a couple in Houston that he liked best. He had to weed through them, but he eventually found two that happen at times that work for him.
I have depression. I know how selfish of a disease it is, because there have been many times when I was so low I had no doubt that I wanted to die. You know what kept me from letting that sinking feeling completely pull me under? My kids. It was hard at times to be there for them like I should have, but I also felt this deep need to be a better person for them. Sometimes we donāt have to look so hard for an answer. Sometimes itās right there in front of us, and we simply need to see. I donāt want to die anymore. I want to live and enjoy this life that has so very much to offer. 
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You hit thr nail on the head there. My kids keep me going everyday too. Thanks @ShesGotMoxie Iām doing my best to be present and happy with them daily but man itās a struggle. My kids are young and take so much energy to keep busy but itās a good distraction from my dark thoughts. Iām also in a small northern community so finding support locally has been difficult. Iāll check online as you suggested.
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Karaoke Party sounds like fun. Enjoyā¦enjoy your vacation. You deserve it.
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@Bomdhil prayers for your parents 
@Hopeful777 congrats on your year 
itās been amazing to watch your progress 
@Bart_pt congrats on 5 months sorry for the loss of your dog 
@SelfLove_42 congrats on 40 days
@LAB congrats on 60 days
@EFountains congrats on 40 days
@stingrayskewered congrats on your week
@liv_m congrats on 150 days
@Pica congrats on your week
@anon52066378 congrats on 30 days
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@Jenni welcome back 
congrats on 2 days
@Sk95 welcome congrats on 3 days
@LabLover222 welcome back congrats on 2 days
@Soberoclock welcome congrats on day 1
@Sunny11 congrats on 500 days
@Pat_m sorry re being hit with Covid, sending well wishes
@seekingsolace sending strength therapy might be something worth looking into.
@jakee01 congrats on your week good luck with the dietary changes 
@SoberGuyUSA congrats on 1250 days
@Clarity thank you
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@Rockstar24777 sending prayers for your health
@MsMotorista congrats on triple digits 
@Dazercat prayers sent that you continue to remain feeling well
@anon89892515 I hope help will be available for you
@icebear congrats on 200 days safe travels
@Tomek sorry about the nicotine safe travels
@Mno thanks for the mention
@IamThechange sending strength and prayers for everyoneās wellness
@MattyVicious welcome congrats on day 1
@Complicatedmama thank you
506 days no alcohol.
67 days no nicotine.
3 hours no cocaine (and even that feels like a miracle).
I have been hiding away in shame because I relapsed again, on what would have been day 6, the 27th, Monday, and have used every day since. Iām right back in the hell I managed to escape from. I canāt imagine Iāll be able to stay clean from now until midnight on 31st, but I am determined not to use in 2022, so I am filling my mind with recovery literature, desperately pleading with myself to stop. From what Iāve read online there is an in-person NA group on Weds eves and Sunday afternoons in my nearest city, right now I canāt see me being able to make myself go because I am so ashamed of my size since gaining all the weight I lost back recently, but Iām keeping it in mind as the next thing to try if I do not manage to stop before 2022 begins.
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@CATMANCAM we are always here for you, dust yourself off and get right back up, you can do this!!
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Day 39!
Feeling a bit better mentally than I have been the past couple of weeks, though Iām still totally exhausted from my extended schedule at work (only 1 day off a week), the bad cold Iāve been rocking is still hanging on and spent the past few days movingā¦ if anyone read my previous check-in/rant then you know the moving situation started out as a shit show lol.
With that said I finally got out to another AA meeting last night after a few weeks of not being able to go because of my work schedule and fearing with how sick I was getting someone else sick (the meeting I go to have a lot if seniors and I wont put them at risk of even catching a cold if I have one). It was awesome to he back sitting and talking in the room, felt so awesome after.
My move into the new apartment is pretty well done despite itās super shitty start. I did however have an accident and fell off the truck. Gashed open my leg right behind my knee and hit my head pretty hard, other than that Iām fine.
All thatās left to do is for the former tenant ( my best friend) to come collect a few things he left behind and take his trashā¦ so much trash.
I did get my living room/office pretty well set up yesterday though and what great feeling sitting in a room surrounded the stuff I love thinking āthis is mine. This is my space, no one elses, just mine.ā For the past number of years Iāve always lived with other people, so now having my own full space again feels amazing.
I sat on my couch last night when i was to tired to work anymore, no tv, no music or anything, just looking at my new home and i just felt at peace.
Have a great day everyone!
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@CATMANCAM what can I do? Iām here if you need to talk. You are a strong and amazing person. Setbacks are not failures! Please remember we all make mistakes and it we can over come them. Sending you all the love and prayers to help you get through this! Please know Iām here if youād like to talk
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I can understand your shame and guilt very well and that is exactly what sucked me into 12 years of relapse, I do not want that for you.
You are tripping Cam, so pick your feet up and get your eye on the horizon. Donāt let your addict fill your head with all those bullshit lies. Nobody will judge you at an NA meeting we are all equals, we are all addicts. You donāt even have to turn your camera on if you arenāt comfortable , Lots of people just listen. Get to a meeting, hook in, youāre not alone.
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Iām glad you were able to get to a meeting and that the move is going well. That fall sounds nasty 
Moving can be a huge stresser so Iām glad it hasnāt thrown you off your game.
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Yeah, the fall wasnt fun, more so considering I was holding a slatted hed frame when I went down. Thankfully my hard head broke my fall lol.
The desire to crack open a drink was certainly there, more so when an old, empty bottle of candy cane vodka was shoved in my face.
But I pushed through and glad I did 
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Day 86 AF. Just another day of work. I didnāt drink yesterday and I aināt gonna drink today.
@Yellow 
Congrats on your 1 week!!
@icebear 
200 days is awesome!! Congratulations!!!
@Its_me_Stella 
Well done lady!!! 2 years ago you gave yourself the best present for a birthday ever, sobriety and a better healthy life. Iām so happy for you! You inspire me to keep going and have this kind of success.
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Thank you. Iāve found some online ones I could go to, one in Chicago in 5mins, and other for trans and non-binary peopleā¦if the meeting says itās in Berlin, would that mean it would be in German language?
P.S A massive happy birthday to you 
and huge congratulations on 2 years
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I am checking in withā¦
My recovery story started 16.5 years ago. Not many of us get this in our first go, most of us fight it and try it our way at least once. The most important thing is we never stop trying, that we never give up on ourselves.
I am grateful that I have gotten my life back today and I will continue to put the work in to keep it this way. You know I am doing something pretty extraordinary today, nothing grandiose but extraordinary none the less. I am being myself, I have been given the chance to be authentic and at times it can be terrifying. After a lifetime of masks and shape-shifting to fit into other peopleās ideals of who I should be, taking the risk of not being liked for being myself can feel daunting. When I get home and my head hits the pillow I have no regrets, I have a clear conscious and another day can be added to the list of days that I like myself. They are adding up and before you know it I may be able to say I am one of those people who hold love for themselves. This is definitely a journey and I am being confronted with things I was not expecting. And that, my friends, is why we do it ODAAT.
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Iām not sure about the language you can pop on and leave if they arenāt speaking English
Ty love.
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Hey guys
Checking in day 5
Gonna watch some football today and enjoy the rest of the night.
Hope you are all well and safe
Bye
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