Day 1194. Still sober and was about to buy booze. 8 was too scared. Did a workout instead. There is no acute problem in my life at the moment. I failed completely in all possible ways in my life. No matter how I put it. I don’t really know how I managed to become such a failure.
I need to get out of my head and applied for a yoga teacher training. Maybe, if I am accepted, it’ll give me some new perspectives.
Have a good and sober day, just for today.
Hello guys.
Checking in day 17. A bit tired today.
Have a great day guys
Thank you. Congratulations to you as well…your doing the do…
From experience they will test you and test you. Then they will wait for you to change your mind, before they finally succumb to the fact you are serious. You are right, it is because of our track records so we can not blame them at all, we just need to be very firm in our boundaries and we NEED TO STICK TO THEM!
Hi Cam
Holding space for your cousin’s daughters passing. Praying you receive the right sponsor soon…truly a gift…and a big support. 
Been away for a few days…still keeping up with my meetings and check in with my sponsor 79/90.
Missed the forum will catch up later. Feeling a little funky today.
Great strong 24.
Haa 
… ye… can’t say anything more really, it’s not glamorous to me today but I did that for twenty odds years,
Hi TS family! It’s been a while for me. A lot going on and unfortunately none of it good. Most recently my stepdad, my moms husband, passed away unexpectedly last week. I know the cause was alcohol but I try to not think about that. I miss him terribly and am worried for my mom. Having a few days at home with the family and then flying back to be with her for a week. I honestly don’t know where my heads at, if I’m being honest I want to use but I don’t have the energy for it. It’s so good to see familiar names when I came on here and I hope you all are doing well. I know it can always be worse but right now feels pretty bad.
Absolutely. I can’t keep caving bcuz that just proves to him that I am not serious. Now that I feel like I’ve set some serious boundaries with him. I need to do the work to stay ok track
I had a friend who had triplets. He did chili cookoffs and used to use the triplets, about your girl’s age, as tasters! They could take the heat and were good judges!
I hope that the day comes where you are able to surrender completely Dana. I know it isn’t easy to learn how to live without drugs but watching you live clean is so amazing. I agree you have learned in the last few months but you still have not surrendered.
It’s hard!!! Completely throwing up your arms and handing your will over multiple times a day every 24 hrs is hard. Not a life for the faint of heart but if we want to live, actually live, it’s what we need to do.
Life on life’s terms…
Life has a lot of fucked up terms. I am not willing to give up having choices today to avoid facing those terms.
Hi Kat here checking in a bit late at Day 190.
Slept in cause was up all night with the boyfriend 
Was a great sober time. Sex is still a challenge sober due to my social anxiety but getting better all the time.
We had a good talk too he reiterated his support for me and we agreed to be friends even if the relationship were to one day fail.
He did have one drink (he is a normie like that) but it didn’t bother me in the slightest I had a red bull.
Did get in a meeting before he came over and phoned my sponsor yesterday. Work 8hr night shift the next 2 nights then my orientation is over.
Love you all!
Kat
I guess I’m still in the process of trying to change and discover what my idea of fun is if it doesn’t involve drinking. The idea of drinking and dancing in a club all night does still seem fun to me unfortunately! Obviously not so fun if I end up drinking so much I do something silly. Or taking drugs and being up all night. But you never think that’s going to happen for some reason! The last time I did drink I was at a party until 8am. Was it fun? Yeah it was! But it’s not healthy to be doing that, and then it’s the wasted day the next day, feeling like crap, and being pissed off with myself that I couldn’t just be sensible and go home at 11pm! So I’m not doing it anymore. But definitely haven’t found what my new idea of fun is yet… Since that has been my life for so long. Hopefully i will find it soon. 
Trust me I relate. I had alot of fun nights as well and definitely alot of bad lol. And I’m the same my mind still missed it as well and says hey you can still do it. Your doing great 
Thanks I think this is a good idea. I think I need to force myself to do things I don’t think will be fun as I’m hardly doing anything atm probably cause what’s the point if I can’t drink mindset! But I will try this, hopefully I will discover things are actually more enjoyable than I expect them to be!
I know when I struggle to keep routine, the best thing for me is to stop trying for one. I know it’s different for everyone, but when I was struggling hardest with my depression every ‘failure’ just made me go further down into the darkness.
I hope you can find some compassion for yourself and release yourself from expectations you can’t meet right now. And that you won’t feel like you need to keep running yourself into the ground for too much longer 
@paper_boats Routine is something I’ve grappled with too. I’ve learned that we always have a routine - we always, always have a set of habits, a set of things we do every day, at routine times - but the grapple with “routine sabotage” is when something is out of alignment.
My routine is out of alignment with the person I (think I) want to be.
I’ve found that reflection, sobriety work, and counselling (one or more of these) have been helpful. I’ve found in recent months since I started my antidepressants I am also feeling more generally liberated, more self-compassionate and more self-appreciative. A combination of constructive self-talk, working on things one item at a time, taking time to ask myself “if I’m feeling off then what is it exactly that I really want to be doing with my time? Now, and also, more broadly in terms of my goals and growth?” All helpful 
This is true… The issue is not necessarily with routine but what we feel like we ‘should’ be doing. Or maybe ‘should’ be able to do. For me accepting where I am right now is such a big part of that. Respecting physical and emotional boundaries rather than trying to push against them.
We are enough, just as we are 
Alright everyone we made a review😂 be ready to be blown away. Haha it took us 3 attempts and these guys did not give a hoot it was just fun for them and time to goof off but I’ll still post it bc why not they had fun and you can get a little taste of what it’s like with my wild Childs, so anyone I’ll post it in the cologne thread much love
Links? Please