Emotion especially anger is a big trigger for me. Fresh air walk is helpful. Cup of tea, hot bath, Upbeat happy music and essential oils like cinnamon, tangerine, lavender or ylangylang
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Day 295 of no self harm
Made it through yesterday without a relapse. Had therapy today and my therapist gave me a pretty good assignment that I want to share as I think it might help some of you
If youāre ever hating yourself (particularly your body) try thinking of what youār body is capable of rather than how it looks. I have chronic illness, but I still understand that my body can function. Even if some activities hurt I can still do them. Thank your body for simple things if you have to. Thank your body for breathing if you have to. It was an interesting change of perspective that Iām definitely going to work on
Hopefully this helps the process of anorexia recovery for me as well.
Another positive thing I wanted to share. A mom in a local Facebook group posted that her daughter was sick today, but it was the day of her school Valentineās party. Sheās 6 and autistic so she couldnāt understand why she wasnāt going. 56 people ended up dropping off Valentineās candy and gifts at her house, myself included. Her mom sent me a video of her daughter opening my gift and it just made me so happy. That girl was excited beyond belief. It was really nice to see such a happy child. Happy children are rare in my family.
Nothing eventful today. Barely slept the last few nights but luckily Iām tired enough that i have a feeling Iāll fall asleep as soon as I lay down tonight.
Sorry for long post. Last thing, just want to thank you all for your support and advice on the thread I made. It really helped me get through yesterday. Thank you all for being such amazing people
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Hello lovely friends, I hope your week is winding down well. Checking in on a snowy evening 244 af.
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words. I am trying to use my tools and not punk out. 
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Evening check in
Day 3
I managed to get an hour sleep after my hubby stopped by. I have literally had about 3 hours sleep since 7am yesterday morning (so that would be 37.5 hours). Hubby came by for a short visit. We sort of argued on the phone before he got here. We had supper and he left. He did admit to have made a mistake. He left about an hour after getting here. I definitly can not mess up and cave after this. I stood my ground and laid the line in the sand with him. I donāt want to use anyway. But this is especially a reason to not go back. That would look sooo bad to him and say alot about me, if I chose to cave and use one day. So this is it! I gotta work thru whatever comes my way! Ota somewhat easy now bcuz Iām so determined. But letās be realistic here, we all know how we have pur weaker moments and thats when we have to really use the tools. Iām glad I came out and told u all the truth about my clean time. I feel like that is a step in the right direction. But damn Iād be over a month by now if I stuck with it. Grrr. Can only keep moving forward. I just canāt wait to get back to some normalcy here. Hope everyone is OK on here. I havenāt had much time to be on here and read and stuff. I do apologize. But my routinw will get back to normal soon I hope hugs
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This is beautiful!!! Youāre an amazing person 
and I LOVE how changing our views on our bodies impact us. I donāt love how I look most days or the weight Iāve gained or my hair and this and that. BUTā¦ its a beautiful body. My heart beats in it and it has been put thru alot (like many of us have put our bodies thru) and it still functions not too bad lol. Itās such a loving way to look at it. Thank u for sharing that and ur valentines day story too
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- Coffee. New work week. I can do this. Iām sober and clean. Had a busy day yesterday, therapy, and preparation for that, and visited and dinner with my friend. Both good things to do because lately it seems all Iāve been doing is work and the occasional visit to the gym. I need to move on with live a bit. I can but it takes work. Recovery is a verb.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober. Itās the only way for us. Love from Amsterdam at sunset yesterday.
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Super proud of you. I hope you get some rest tonight, and that your loved one is stronger in the morning.
Big hugs Dana.
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18 months!
The kids are off today, and the weather was awful yesterday, so a domestic day of taking kids to things, and lots and lots of laundry. Exciting times for this sober lady 
.
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Hi, I totally relate to this kaityln, I used to be the same, so enjoyed my mad nights! Out drinking doing whatever coke, speed, then it wasnāt fun, I had lost ability to feel a natural high. I felt I was wasting my life and my bad habits were getting bigger. Had many attempts at sobriety but caved as giving up all that, I had nothing to replace it and the boredom! But I knew I had to find new hobbies, things I enjoyed, and some new friends, I was clueless. So started trying all sorts, swimming, gym, reading, walking, learning Spanish (I was useless) took that off the list 
and now enjoy my new interests, love feeling healthier, still work in progress, but when I read my journal from a year ago I can see the change in meā¦ I was in a mess 1 year ago, and thank my new hobbies as my carrier to sobrietyā¦ you can do this, you will be so happy to try new things. You are doing so well by the way 
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There is always laundry to fall back on! Have a good day Misokatsu
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411 days
Quick check in as got to walk the dog, slept too wellš
Have a great 24 hrs all 
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Day 143 checking in somedays I think whatās the point you might aswell get a bottle of vodka you only live once but I know thatās my addiction trying to work in me I canāt let my daughter down 
Have a good day everyone
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@Misokatsu congrats on 18 months 
@DryIn785 sorry you fe down, sending strength 
@Peace it definitely is, sending strength
@Seb sending strength
@Chiron thank you I did an online order, there were 8 items missingā¦think Iāll try to do it myself next time, even if I have to make two trips. Thanks for the trust levels info too 
@icebear good to see you
@Hopeful777 thank you
@SoberWalker that is a beautiful ring 
@Butterflymoonwoman I hope the person you are caring for pulls through well done for standing your ground with your husband, I hope he never asks you again and that you get some sleep soonā:pray:t2:
@Mno thank you, thatās helpful 
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@StarK31 (taaging you again incase editing yesterdayās post didnāt notify you) congrats on 70 days
@947496893734373 congrats on 40 days without weighing
@Hazy congrats on 40 days
@anon9289869 sending strength I hope you feel a bit better now
@Lotusflower thank you Des sending strength
@IamThechange sorry for your loss
@Bran522 itās not worth it, I promise. Sending strength
@Deadman thatās a cool number 
congrats
@Stan8162 congrats on 8 months
@SadMemeQueen thank for for contributing to that little girlās happiness how nice of her mother to send you a video
18 months no alcohol.
2 weeks no cocaine.
11 days no binge-eating.
Checking in for last nightā¦
So I went for my scan at 13:45 yesterday, and as Iāve known since my scan in August 2020, my gallbladder is full of gallstones, I then had an āappointmentā in ACUā¦Iāve just got home and itās now after 7:40am the next day! The ACU nurses and doctors all decided I needed to have my gallbladder removed last night, so I was eventually transferred to the surgical ward at 20:30, I was finally given some pain relief, but I had an allergic reaction to the first IV one, my entire body felt like it was being burnt from the inside 
so they gave me a different one via IV and then an oral version of the first one. Then, because my infection markers were okay in my blood tests, the surgeons decided it wasnāt a medical emergency but theyāll put me on the waiting list to have it removed, which will take 2-3 months, in the meantime they sent me home with some non-addictive pain medication for the spasm pains, and some antibiotics because my urine tested positive for nitrates. They said I need to lose as much weight as possible before my surgery (Iām trying).
So Iām tired, but my brain is wide awake, I guess it will be another day of napping on and off. I have therapy at 4pm so Iāll probably take a walk to get coffee and wake up a bit before that. Will also make some notes about what to talk about with him.
As far as my addict goes, all is quiet again. Happy to be back at 2 weeks for no cocaine, and 18 months of no alcohol really blows my mind, I canāt believe that this was possible for me. Grateful.
Will check-in for today later on this evening.
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Spot on david mate, itās a miswired part of your brain telling you what it thinksā¦ Not the healthy side deep down knowing - if you only live once, why not [as conscious as possible]ā¦?! Congrats on 143 days btw buddy, what a legend! 
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Wow, welcome in the āgallblatterclubā 
(saying that ironic). Iām on the waiting list for an operation for more then 3 months now. But having less troubles with it comparing to you.
I hope you will feel a bit better soon
Gallblatter cramps are very painfull
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Congratulations on 18 months, the reaction to the iv sounds awful! Hope ur health improves soon.
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1,5 year Fleur! Nice! Enjoy your day between the laundry stuff and kids shouts
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Thank you
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