Doing ok mentally. None of my family feels sick, but my little sister may have been exposed to COVID at her friend’s last week. She’s feeling pretty sick. We’re gonna go get tested if anyone else starts feeling sick.
Made a friend today in VR. Hopefully we keep in touch.
Feeling really rough physically. Eating disorders aren’t fun. Especially on top of fibromyalgia and multiple mystery symptoms. I just don’t think I’m ready to start recovering though. but it’s similar to what i told myself about self harm. I kept telling myself I wasn’t sick enough and/or wasn’t ready to stop self harming/recover. But my therapist and friend would point out that I’m never going to be ready because that’s my excuse for not wanting to do the work. Deep down I kind of hope this disorder just kills me. But I know I can’t think like that. I just have to start trying to get better. I really don’t know how, but I’m going to have to. I’m sick of feeling miserable. I’m in therapy and we started talking about that so hopefully that helps.
Anyway, I’m proud of you all.
Update: been a few hours since I posted this. Still sober but feeling dangerously close to relapse and none of my emergency contacts are responding. this is a horrible night. Nothing even happened I’m just so exhausted. I just want to be able to sleep. I’d do anything to sleep restfully
Last update: friend finally responded. Cried on the phone for a good while. Can’t sleep but at least not as pent up and still sober
Thank you, Eric. I never thought I’d ever have friends congratulating me on saying no to booze. My life has definitely changed for the better. Having a little bawling session helped, too.
Hey Eric! Yeah thank you I am excited to be celebrating 2 years free. Church definitely gave me that boost. I’m going back again next weekend! Also doing a Bible study. Hope you are doing well
Anxiety is really bad today but I’m hoping it’s due to having skipped my magnesium supplements the last few days and skipping my workout.
I will make it through tonight not drinking because I know alcohol makes it worse. Tomorrow I’m going to get back on top of my routine that reduces anxiety.
Just have to keep telling myself everything is okay and to not let irrational fears consume me.
Coffee. Another short staffed working weekend coming up. Don’t know how long I can and will keep up with it. Maybe it will finally make me make serious work of finding something else to earn my money with. I doubt it though. Been procrastinating in this area for a couple of years now and can’t find a way to move ahead.
I’ve been making progress in lots of areas of my life since I became sober. Time to do something about this too. Recovery is a verb. I know recovery isn’t linear. I know I shouldn’t be too strict for myself.
I’ll make it through this weekend. One day at a time. Have as good a weekend as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean as it’s the only way for us all. Love from my living room.
Phoned the hospital yesterday to ask about the status of my operation date. It was depressing: 40 weeks to wait!
So I let them put me on a extra list they use if someone declines his surgery for example because of Covid. But who knows how many people are on that list as well.
I’m not happy to say the least.
Hope your waitinglist is shorter then mine…
I never thought I’d ever have friends congratulating me on saying no to booze. My life has definitely changed for the better. Having a little bawling session helped, too. 
. The darndest things happen when we can feel again.
Feeling mentally off today though.
I am excited to be celebrating 2 years free. Church definitely gave me that boost. I’m going back again next weekend! Also doing a Bible study. Hope you are doing well 
