Hello guys.
Am sorry to tell you that i had a slip today. I watched p*rn in the morning. Am a bit dissapointed in me as I did a lot of good work these 30 days
I read almost everyday about p*rn, watching videos, trying to learn on this. I had nightmares on 2 consecutive days and today was just too hard for me to handle.
I see this as an opportunity to grow and learn from my mistakes. I will start journaling to help me reprogram my mind as I am convinced that p*rn is very very bad for me.
I will try to be aware these next few days as am prone to relapse again. I intend to live a p*rn free life.
So this is day 0 again.
@KevinesKay hey man. Congrats on 90 days. Thats really big.
Do not give up. Let me start there. Iāve relapsed so many times i canāt even count over the course of 20 years. We can talk here or the other chat focused on this. Letās talk specifically about the how. App? Internet? TV? Did you by-pass your safeguards? I would suggest immediately knocking out that Easyway book today. I have been in your shoes, trying to figure out what to do at Day 1 again. On November 17th, 2021 i was feeling horrible, sad, depressed, and mad at myself. I jumped on TS, heard @KevinesKay talking about Easyway, i read it and it helped me get to Day 68. But it wasnāt just about the book like it was a quick fix. I had to make my mind over AND keep all my safeguards in place. Social Media? Nope. Racy TV shows? Nope. Its a committment to Sobriety, pushing the chips all in. However, it aint easy bro as you know. But i want you to get to 365 and beyond and you will. Iām right there with you.
Thanks for your share. Iāve relapsed sooooo many times. But you came back right away with a renewed desire for sobriety. So hereās to a new day. Letās make it count!
Iām celebrating day 91. Iāll be honest with you. Yesterday I entertained some fantasies. So my toxicity level was at a 6. Iām not proud of that. But today Iām grateful to be sober. And I realize that itās awesome! Looking forward to the day. Hoping to make some good money delivering food with all this beautiful fresh snow!
I went for hike today only 10 k because I have a minor injures from running to much, I have to slow down a bit with my workouts.
I walked to the beach today, close to the city I use to life with my ex girlfriend for 8 year. Good and bad memories went true my mind. But no reason for drinking at all.
Gone cook some dinner and enjoy my free evening sober!
Hope you all have an amazing sober day.
One day at a time, I got this.
@KevinesKay congratulations on you 90 days! @Butterflymoonwoman I am so sorry to read that you had a relapse. I can see that you are on day 1 again, so that is great! I can give you all kinds of advice you probably already nowā¦ I will send you strength, courage an love from the other side of the ocean and I am grateful that you are still here.
Donāt be to hard on yourself, you had 25 days of sobriety and you can do this again!
I can see that fear with me honestly. The fear of being completely clean and sober. I donāt really know what itās like to be truly clean and sober. I mean I have had diff amounts of clean time over the yearsā¦ but recovery isnāt just about getting rid of the substances. For me it is building a life where I donāt want to use. For me recovery shouldnāt be about white knuckling it. There has to be joy and freedom in it. And I dont know if Iāve ever quite gotten to that point yet (even during my moments of clean time). But I need to just embrace recovery, let go of that fear of the unknown. Iāve never not known to use something as a crutch, whether it was drugs or alcohol, or food, or exercise, or sex, or spending money. There has always been something in the background Iāve used. So I think i need to just embrace recovery 1 day at a time and learn as I go, and enjoy this crazy ride! Lol
Day 8 sober. And Iām maintaining. My birthday is 4 days away and Iām actually relieved that I wonāt be drunk this year for that. If it wasnāt for TS and my HP right now I would be lostā¦ but slowly Iām understanding that my mistakes lead me back here with more wisdom of what not to do and with more of a open mind to new things. Iām so thankful for you all.
Let go and let god. Writing the first step with a sponsor helped me figure stuff out. In black and white, second step was pretty eye opening then the 3rd step was wowā¦ I Know what faith is , surrender, hope, I know what letting go is .
I have been in and out of recovery for 25 years, avoided the steps, avoided getting a sponsor, until last year.
I HAD to do something different. And boy itās amazing. Take it easy. Find connectionā¦ NA womenās meetings were frickin amazing for support. Powerful women in those meetings. Wish you well
Kat here checking in on Day 173. Things are good got an interview tomorrow for a PSW position in a nursing home. Itās a new start for me after losing my job as a nurse.
Got some apartment cleaning to do for sure after my sonās visit.
Iām with you 110% on the self-sabotage. I told a counselor once: āIāve noticed that people donāt struggle to make their lives better. They struggle to stay in their comfort zone. I think Iāve been in survival mode for so long [Iāve been homeless off and on for 20 years] I think desperation is my comfort zone and thatās probably why I sabotage myself.ā
āSounds like youāve had a revelationā, she told me. She didnāt tell me what to do about it, and itās still a problem. I feel squirrelly when I have stability. So I donāt know what to tell you except youāre absolutely not alone, and I will be praying for you!
Hey thanks for the support. It means a lot for me. I usually tend to relapse when I am really tired or stressed out due to my training in the gym. I usually push myself hard in training. So this sometimes takes its toll. And from yesterday I had this huge urge. I was literally shaking. And today I woke up in the morning just thinking about porn.
Reading easypeasy has definitely change the way I think about prn. Consciously I am ready to quit it but on days like today the autopilot just takes over. My mindset and self talk has changed as when faced with any urge I tell myself that the little monster is always lying and try to keep itself alive by making me use prn and actually its dying evertime I refuse to use.
I will start journaling as it may change my subconcious. Most of the days in this streak I felt pretty good and most of the days its been easy. I just had hardly 4 intense days. I usually practice all my hobbies, I know what I want in my life. Its just that sometimes I get lonely or bored.
For me its these 3 factors that I need to work on.
It means a lot to me for you to have my back. I am very inspired by you as you are doing very well on your journey. You alongside with @SelfLove_42 motivates me to quit this evil behind and just live a free, happy sober life.
Thank you.
Day 4. Saturday and Sunday were a rollercoaster. My cat went missing from 7am-730pm on Saturday. We had an entire day planned of doing things outdoors and had to cancel all of it because I couldnāt leave without my cat being accounted for. Heād never been out for more than about 4 hours before, and that happens rarely. As the hours dragged on I felt more and more dread. My brain was telling me I should/could drink because I was stressed and that would allow me to escape. Instead I just took a nap several times to try to escape the feelings. When my cat finally came home I was elated, and then the addict mind told me I should/could drink in celebration. Luckily I ignored it both times. I actually enjoyed to an extent watching my mind work and recognizing the ways it was trying to trick me. It was also strange to be emotionally present for such a difficult situation. I escaped some by sleeping, but other than I just had to endure and handle it. There was no numbing or refusing to accept reality.
Sunday became a mess. First day back at work while on this journey and several things happened that I had a hard time dealing with and keeping a clear head about. Iām not sure if itās the detoxing and I was just super irritable and sensitive, but it was rough. I told myself the whole drive home, when I normally stop to get alcohol, that I wouldnāt be drinking that day. The one day at a time idea really seems to help. It feels less daunting to overcome.
Today I actually feel amazing ā energized, clear-headed, and positive
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