I’m celebrating day 91. I’ll be honest with you. Yesterday I entertained some fantasies. So my toxicity level was at a 6. I’m not proud of that. But today I’m grateful to be sober. And I realize that it’s awesome! Looking forward to the day. Hoping to make some good money delivering food with all this beautiful fresh snow!
19 Likes
Checking in sober and hang-over free.
I went for hike today only 10 k because I have a minor injures from running to much, I have to slow down a bit with my workouts.
I walked to the beach today, close to the city I use to life with my ex girlfriend for 8 year. Good and bad memories went true my mind. But no reason for drinking at all.
Gone cook some dinner and enjoy my free evening sober!
Hope you all have an amazing sober day.
One day at a time, I got this.
@KevinesKay congratulations on you 90 days!
@Butterflymoonwoman I am so sorry to read that you had a relapse. I can see that you are on day 1 again, so that is great! I can give you all kinds of advice you probably already now… I will send you strength, courage an love from the other side of the ocean and I am grateful that you are still here.
Don’t be to hard on yourself, you had 25 days of sobriety and you can do this again!
18 Likes
I love that picture 
… that’s a hell of a long walk!. Give yourself a break 
.
1 Like
I can see that fear with me honestly. The fear of being completely clean and sober. I don’t really know what it’s like to be truly clean and sober. I mean I have had diff amounts of clean time over the years… but recovery isn’t just about getting rid of the substances. For me it is building a life where I don’t want to use. For me recovery shouldn’t be about white knuckling it. There has to be joy and freedom in it. And I dont know if I’ve ever quite gotten to that point yet (even during my moments of clean time). But I need to just embrace recovery, let go of that fear of the unknown. I’ve never not known to use something as a crutch, whether it was drugs or alcohol, or food, or exercise, or sex, or spending money. There has always been something in the background I’ve used. So I think i need to just embrace recovery 1 day at a time and learn as I go, and enjoy this crazy ride! Lol
14 Likes
Thank you Roland hugs appreciate that alot! I’ll get back to my 25 days and keep going!
2 Likes
Welcome back! Glad u came back on here right away 
2 Likes
Day 8 sober. And I’m maintaining. My birthday is 4 days away and I’m actually relieved that I won’t be drunk this year for that. If it wasn’t for TS and my HP right now I would be lost… but slowly I’m understanding that my mistakes lead me back here with more wisdom of what not to do and with more of a open mind to new things. I’m so thankful for you all. 
21 Likes
Let go and let god. Writing the first step with a sponsor helped me figure stuff out. In black and white, second step was pretty eye opening then the 3rd step was wow… I Know what faith is , surrender, hope, I know what letting go is .
I have been in and out of recovery for 25 years, avoided the steps, avoided getting a sponsor, until last year.
I HAD to do something different. And boy it’s amazing. Take it easy. Find connection… NA women’s meetings were frickin amazing for support. Powerful women in those meetings. Wish you well
6 Likes
Good morning everybody!
Kat here checking in on Day 173. Things are good got an interview tomorrow for a PSW position in a nursing home. It’s a new start for me after losing my job as a nurse.
Got some apartment cleaning to do for sure after my son’s visit.
Then the usual meeting tonight.
Love to all,
Kat
20 Likes
And that right there would scare the shit out of me.
Then again. Maybe that’s why we do it ODAAT.
3 Likes
I’m with you 110% on the self-sabotage. I told a counselor once: “I’ve noticed that people don’t struggle to make their lives better. They struggle to stay in their comfort zone. I think I’ve been in survival mode for so long [I’ve been homeless off and on for 20 years] I think desperation is my comfort zone and that’s probably why I sabotage myself.”
“Sounds like you’ve had a revelation”, she told me. She didn’t tell me what to do about it, and it’s still a problem. I feel squirrelly when I have stability. So I don’t know what to tell you except you’re absolutely not alone, and I will be praying for you!
6 Likes
Hey thanks for the support. It means a lot for me. I usually tend to relapse when I am really tired or stressed out due to my training in the gym. I usually push myself hard in training. So this sometimes takes its toll. And from yesterday I had this huge urge. I was literally shaking. And today I woke up in the morning just thinking about porn.
Reading easypeasy has definitely change the way I think about prn. Consciously I am ready to quit it but on days like today the autopilot just takes over. My mindset and self talk has changed as when faced with any urge I tell myself that the little monster is always lying and try to keep itself alive by making me use prn and actually its dying evertime I refuse to use.
I will start journaling as it may change my subconcious. Most of the days in this streak I felt pretty good and most of the days its been easy. I just had hardly 4 intense days. I usually practice all my hobbies, I know what I want in my life. Its just that sometimes I get lonely or bored.
For me its these 3 factors that I need to work on.
1 Like
It means a lot to me for you to have my back. I am very inspired by you as you are doing very well on your journey. You alongside with @SelfLove_42 motivates me to quit this evil behind and just live a free, happy sober life.
Thank you.
1 Like
Day 4. Saturday and Sunday were a rollercoaster. My cat went missing from 7am-730pm on Saturday. We had an entire day planned of doing things outdoors and had to cancel all of it because I couldn’t leave without my cat being accounted for. He’d never been out for more than about 4 hours before, and that happens rarely. As the hours dragged on I felt more and more dread. My brain was telling me I should/could drink because I was stressed and that would allow me to escape. Instead I just took a nap several times to try to escape the feelings. When my cat finally came home I was elated, and then the addict mind told me I should/could drink in celebration. Luckily I ignored it both times. I actually enjoyed to an extent watching my mind work and recognizing the ways it was trying to trick me. It was also strange to be emotionally present for such a difficult situation. I escaped some by sleeping, but other than I just had to endure and handle it. There was no numbing or refusing to accept reality.
Sunday became a mess. First day back at work while on this journey and several things happened that I had a hard time dealing with and keeping a clear head about. I’m not sure if it’s the detoxing and I was just super irritable and sensitive, but it was rough. I told myself the whole drive home, when I normally stop to get alcohol, that I wouldn’t be drinking that day. The one day at a time idea really seems to help. It feels less daunting to overcome.
Today I actually feel amazing – energized, clear-headed, and positive
16 Likes
This is so true for me. I think for me it’s the fear of not having something in my life to fall back on. But I suppose that’s not necessarily true… bcuz as I’m typing thus, I feel like I can fall back on my HP or fall back on supports or fall back on healthy coping skills… instead of the unhealthy. Hmmm
I might have to look into that book I wouldn’t mind getting some recovery literature. Love hoe u worded the idea if the little and big monster lol its very true. We all may have diff addictions but the mental aspect is all the same!
Thanks for ur ongoing support Kevin! Ur amazing!!!
3 Likes
Checking in
Day1
So appts are over. Things went well. My Dr is prescribing me a new atypical antipsychotic med… one that is similar to my old med but that should produce less side effects. I know some people get hung up on the labels of some medications… they sound scary lol but it’s just medical terminology If the med works and it helps me to manage my emotions and thinking which therefore helps me to stay clean… I’ll take it! Give me the craziest sounding med there is lol I’ve been on so many meds over the years and it’s been a challenge for sure to find the one that fits me best. My old med helped for quite some time but it just isn’t working anymore. So on to trying something new anyway, got some cleaning done and will do abit of yoga soon!
16 Likes
Today is day 6. What a weird day it is for this one. I woke up this morning super tired and just could not get out of bed and going easily. I also have this weird sensation of constantly being throaty today. My mouth feel so dry no matter how much water I drink.
It’s also been an emotional one today. There are moments where my focus seems so on point for the first time in years. Then there are moments of feeling down and blue. Like I just feel blue about myself and, maybe it feels like I am doubting myself some. Im just trying to stay focused on work today. Tomorrow will make it through the first week. I am looking forward to it. It’s making me a little excited.
19 Likes
Been a bit up & down today, but checking in day 8! Certainly better than last Monday when I was only just getting over the weekend hangover and lack of sleep!
12 Likes
Day 102. Man I feel heavy today, kind of sick almost hopefully not. Got some amazing feed back on my tattoo from some of my tattoo groups and my home facebook. My mind tells me it’s fake and they are just being nice. On to another day much love
22 Likes
577 sober. I feel like I might be getting slowly but surely on some sort of a track. It’s not fast and it is bumpy, but hopefully will eventually lead me to my destination.
23 Likes