Checking in daily to maintain focus #38

[siand]

@Matt

Today was an ok day but I feel a little mixed about my performance. I sorta think, I could have done this, could have done that. In this headspace I get distracted and discouraged and I lose track of the things I have accomplished

I find this often at work. Especially now I am part time. I write a to do list at the start of each week with my top tasks, maybe three things, that I feel like I should have finished by the end of that week. That seems like the right number based on my hours and type of work. Gives me space to get distracted and still feel some sense of accomplishment. Also forces me to prioritise!

I try and do the same outside of work too… Not quite so task focused but generally trying to keep my expectations of myself manageable. A bit of direction but lots of room for flexibility so I don’t end up feeling really bummed out by not getting through an impressive but ultimately impossible to do list.

Career change sounds exciting if that’s the path you choose! Without knowing anything about it, hopefully there will be some ways to minimise the risks if you are worried.

[siand]

Good luck with the job try out! Am I right that you’ve been off for a while?

I went back in October after a year off and it’s been an adjustment but overall I’m glad I did. Hope you enjoy it and the excitement/ nerves/ adrenaline get you through the sleepiness!

[apes2020]

Today is Australia day here. Its the biggest public holiday of the year. Every Australian generally gets shit faced. And the whole country celebrates. It’s a big day of bbqs and drinking and beach days… Australia day is a big day here… @Becsta @Seb @Andy68

But, us fellow soberians will all be enjoying our day clean and sober! Lol

[Dansig]

Checking in on day 262. Our home’s original construction did not meet my wife’s and my ocd requirement for symmetry on the only logical wall to place our bed in the master bedroom. We contracted for a new cut and installation in November and the project finally happened today. We did not however think ahead about blinds and curtains so we have had to improvise temporarily. I got the idea from crackhouse interior designs incorporated (my name. Pending LLC application). Have a great day everyone. It’s a great day to be above ground and sober.

[siand]

Hello you lovely lot. I haven’t been keeping up with this thread for ages and not posted for fear of missing updates and then feeling guilty about it. But here I am, reading and posting!

Saw this article earlier which was helpful for me as I am back on the nicotine free path. Also just generally coming to terms with some things that feel like limitations at the moment re mental and physical health even though I’m sure they will benefit me in the long run. Nothing serious, but frustrating nonetheless.

Notice Craving and Aversion

@anon53116147 @emc2018 and anyone else whose dopamine receptors aren’t playing nicely at the moment. Imagine that covers pretty much everyone here at one point or another tbh

As always grateful to this space and all you wonderful souls who keep it going with so much kindness and support

[Becsta]

I’ve never really celebrated Australia Day but yes it’s the biggest excuse for a piss up lol. No doubt many have started already with beer for breakfast I was happy with my coffee and pancakes

[Seb]

Hope this doesn’t offend but this is something I wrote down last year.

Terra Nullias

Yeah right. Imagine your homeland being invaded, your customs, languages, traditions, rituals all being outlawed and forbidden. Families having children taken from them to ‘outbreed’ your bloodlines. Rape, torture, slavery, genocide. Tell me exactly how you would feel??
Hidden truths of how this country was colonised. This country is hurting and has never healed.

'Our kids have grown up in a fog about the history of the land’ - Bruce Pascoe

[apes2020]

@Becsta

I’ve never really celebrated Australia Day

Whatttt nooooo?!?

That’s like saying if you were in America and you didn’t celebrate the 4th of July lol!!

And you live in qld, the most aussie place in Australia

[Seb]

[Matt]

@Tomek

I’m losing the idea of being able to be loved and accepted by anyone, to be cared about. She was the only one from my youth who stayed by me

That’s so hard that feeling of abandonment. I’m sorry to hear that, truly. It is a heavy, lonely feeling.

@Tomek

now I do not only see any connection in my future, but I don’t seem to have connection to my past. I feel rootless and everything’s just empty.

One of the hardest feelings any human can face: feeling placeless, rootless, disconnected.

We want to belong. We need to belong. That’s a basic human truth. We need to have a place where we belong and if we don’t, or feel we don’t, then it’s bleak, airless, desolate - it is so desperately lonely.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s hard. Obviously I’m not in your shoes exactly but I can imagine.

I want you to know that you have an impact here on Talking Sober: your courage in sharing the moments of personal progress and the moments of pain (and rootlessness) - to take a moment to reach out is an act of tremendous courage.

Many pioneers have had the same courage you show today. They set out on journeys, not knowing what the end will be. They know the risks are significant. They set out anyway. Many of the things taken for granted in my life where I am today (for example, the rights of women to vote and to own property; and in education, the right of students to have their mental health recognized and supported [even though that is still in early stages]; the right to marriage for LGBTQ folk) - these things exist because of the courage of pioneers who said, “Things are not as they should be, and I will face the resistance - or the apathy - and take steps for change.”

The sense of rootlessness is hard though. Sometimes a journey is in darkness, and we don’t see the way forward, or back. It is frightening.

I want you to know I have total confidence in you. I am sure you can find your way through this. You are capable, and courageous, and competent. You will find your way.

If you want to message to dig into this more, feel free anytime.

[Matt]

Congratulations!

[bloop]

Day 5. This was a good day, but tonight I’m really struggling to shake the urge. I have a habit of stopping at Trader Joe’s for some cheap high gravity beers after I go to the gym Tuesdays and Thursdays, dumb I know, and it took a lot of effort not to stop to get some. Now I’m home and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like tunnel vision.

Keep getting bogged down in the idea of never drinking again and trying to tell myself I can always pick it up again and maybe things will be different. This has happened enough times that I know things won’t be different.

Going to make some tea immediately.

[Its_me_Stella]

@bloop

Now I’m home and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like tunnel vision.

I am glad you got home without picking up and now you’re here talking about it.

Recently my therapist suggested to us in group when we are having those obsessive thoughts recognize them for that. Our brain is an organ and making thoughts is its job just like our heart’s is to pump blood through our body by beating. Some of our thoughts are not useful thoughts they are just our brain over working. We have a choice if we give a thought any of our attention. What I have been doing is saying “aha! There’s a though, I guess my brain is still working (sometimes I am surprised) shitty thought though not going to give it my energy.” Put on some loud music and dance around, do jumping Jack’s get your blood flowing. Hop in the shower, divert your brain by using your senses. That’s what works for me.

Great job! Keep pushing forward.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

This is very sad I thought of the residential schools when I read that I am from a province that has many Indigenous People and have many friends from back home who have come from families who had been torn apart due to residential schools. It’s awful. Alot of trauma and pain along with addiction issues and mental health and poverty have occurred as a result of what happened. Back in Manitoba we have alot of resources for healing through the Aboriginal culture (this is how I began my healing journey from addictions and trauma). But there is so much pain that comes from that

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Checking in
Day 2
Busy busy day… home now and relaxing abit waiting for hubby to get home. Have done all good things with my money today. Wasn’t able to get my new meds tho they are $140/month which I didn’t budget for this pay. But I will get them soon. Can’t wait to get some sleep. It’s 6pm and I’m tired already but it was a good day hope everyone is doing well

[bloop]

What you said reminds me a lot of what I’ve learned in meditation. Keep telling myself I need to get back to doing it! Helps so much to not personally identify with every thought that occurs.

I decided to take a shower. Realized it was a form of self care and it was a good reminder that I want to take care of my body.

Thank you

[Its_me_Stella]

We are starting a mediation challenge again in Feb you should join us.

[Alisa]

@Tomek the same sentiment as @Matt to you from me, Tomek. Here for you, too, in any way.

[Lotusflower]

Thanks for sharing this Stella

So glad you have found your freedom.

Happy Sweet 16 to your daughter.

Such blessings.

[Lotusflower]

Stay strong. There is strength in numbers and preparation. Nice that you and your husband are on the same page. Get through this and the rest will become easier.