Thank you! I know it’s all downhill once I convince myself there isn’t a problem so it helps that others have experienced this too and your advice is good 
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Day 301 of no self harm.
I’m debating whether or not counting my days clean is working for me or not. It adds a lot of pressure which creates a cycle of anxiety that leads me to wanting to relapse.
I’m going to think about it for a few days. Whether I’m counting or not, I plan to check in here daily.
Busy day of running errands with my grandpa. My tax return got here so I’m going to use that to go clothes shopping Friday. I hope you all are doing well. Much love.
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Hi, just saying that I feel the same way in regards to both my behavioral addictions. Having a counter for SH and for my ED created more obsessive thinking and anxiety. I have chosen not to track either and it is working very well for me. 
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Food looks yummy and I love that book. Sounds like perfect self care
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Thanks stella. I’ll be honest I have these moments as well where I envy and have hate and jealousy but idk I never act on them. I try to pass on as much love as I can, I’m really trying to see what my higher power is showing me but I’m having trouble lately, I see little messages here and there that point in keep going forward. But I’ll be honest idk if I can keep taking the hate, idk if I keep going forward and endure all this pain and hate the bigger reward. Or do I give up go back to my comfort and never find out. I honestly don’t know. Lost that’s for sure
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That book is amazing! Truly uplifting and gorgeous x
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@SadMemeQueen congrats on 300 days 
@Nowenbrace congrats on 7 months
@Jenni feel better soon 
@SoberGuyUSA congrats on 1300 days
@Hopeful777 good luck with your applications 
@JennyH congrats on double digits
@Jennajen congrats on 600 days
@Letthesunshinein congrats on 50 days
@anon74766472 congrats on 1200 days
@947496893734373 sending strength 
555 days no alcohol.
20 days no cocaine.
To put it succinctly; Depression sucks.
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@Jennajen Whoo hoo!
@HillbillyChris 6 months! Great job!
@anon74766472 Congratulations!
@947496893734373 Big hugs. You are worthy of care and happiness.
@CATMANCAM Rooting for u friend.
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Checking in another sober day ! 
1 month and one day so far.
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Checking in
Day 2
I had been having a decent day until 1 phone call that I recieved a couple hours ago. I keep dealing with the same issue over n over (this has been a long 3 uear ordeal where i have no choice but to coporate witu these people). I dont want to go into too much detail but it is completely out of my control honestly. When shit hits the fan with regards to this situation (as it has more often than not over the past 3 years), it effects me greatly! My mental and emotional as well as physical health get effected. And the people on the other end are always like, “I understand how this is hard for u and how it impacts you”. Really?! Cuz ya… u don’t. Even tho I appreciate you trying to understand, unless ur in my shoes and have been dealing with this, u truly don’t understand". So I keep advocating and being firm and now I have to just let go and Let God. Cuz this is hurting me… and it could potentially anger and upset me enough where it triggers me to use. So again, I will pray over it. I will turn it over. And I will attempt to show kindness and love to all while inside my head I flipping most people the bird. But sometimes I truly need to just fake it until I make it.
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You seem to be getting the same lessons over and over again. The reason that happens is that we aren’t learning. I hear you when you say it’s hard sometimes to see what the message is when we are in the middle of the story, sometimes for the people on the outside looking in it can be glaringly obvious. I have often said to my friends " Why couldn’t I see that?" and it was for the same reason as you, I was dead in the center of the storm.
I do not believe I am the only one that has been watching this unfold for you. You are passing on the love but you are missing loving the most important person in your world. You.
It is my belief that you are being handed all of these lessons so that one day you understand that you can hold love and compassion for yourself, and things like this are less likely to matter. We get a thicker shield to outside “stuff” when our inside is balanced.
When they tell us in recovery all we have to change is everything, they really mean it and the way we think about ourselves, and talk to ourselves are major ones. I have noticed in my life and even in recovery people will refer to me as I refer to myself. So for example if I say " I’m crazy " it’s as if it almost gives them a hall pass to attach the word crazy to me. I mean why not, I did it myself. So I have become very aware of how I address myself now, I prefer to use the words passionate, or energetic.
Anyways, from the outside looking in Mike that is what I can see. I’m always like " Ugh I wish he would stop talking about himself like that!" Then BAM there comes another lesson for you… I dont know if its the case but it seems like a pattern.
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Yes, it does. One of the worst things about depression is that it’s such an intimate disease. The addictions that come along with it can become so ingrained in us that trying to get rid of them is like trying to rid ourselves of the very things that help us survive. I look at it some days and realize how ridiculous my brain can be. I still have to repeat to myself over and over that it’s all a lie.
I’m so happy to see you on the gratitude thread, Cam. Speaking and writing my gratefulness each day is helping bring me through the rough times. I hope you begin to see that working in your life, too. 
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Day 994 Alcohol Free
Day 004 Cigarette Free
Have been feeling mega exhausted, probably due to all the chemicals and nasties detoxing from my system. Can’t believe I’m really sticking to this non smoker bizzo, it really feels different this time. Getting cravings but it’s more mental than physical. Just going with the flow and riding them out because they always pass (thank god 
).
Came across this in my newsfeed today. 51 years, pretty damn inspirational and a great actor too. Thought I’d share 
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Thanks stella, definitely helps open alot of things and I see what your saying.
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I definitely have issues with tracking things. Calories, weight, days clean, etc. I think stopping counting could really help
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Evening Checking in
Day 2
Feeling much better after having a second to unwind. I find that rushing around & multi-tasking causes me to feel very overwhelmed. As soon as I notice this, if I tell myself to “slow down and do things slowly”, I can still get everything done that I need to do, but I can also do it with a different outlook and attitude. Yes some things are out of my control. BUT on a positive note to wind down the evening, my husband got home from work, I made supper and right after supper he fixed the plumbing issue of our kitchen sink. It was so stuck and water couldn’t go down. Not even drain cleaner worked which we tried yesterday. He had to take the whole system apart and clean it out (
) and then put it back together. And it is running now thank God. So im so glad that it’s fixed and thats one less thing to deal with. Coming up to Day 3 tonight. Taking things literally just 24 hours at a time
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Wow lots of nice round numbers!
Congratulations @Letthesunshinein on 50 days and @SadMemeQueen on 300 days and @SoberGuyUSA on 1300 days and @anon74766472 on 1200 days and @Jennajen on 600! Well done!
Hugs @CATMANCAM depression indeed sucks, my friend. I hope tomorrow is brighter.
Checking in on at the end of day 250 continuous sobriety. I am ready for spring, which is still a long way off up here.
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Congrats on 250 
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Congratulations on your amazing accomplishment of 1300 days Chris. You’ve been a great steady presence here as long as I can remember.
Appreciate it.
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Congratulations on your incredible 1200 days
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