Please do not give up. We have all been there. Figure out what happened… how it happened… get yourself a journal and keep track of your mindset
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Mine too.
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Great catch Lisa!!
And huge congratulations of 888 ODAATs
Love it 
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Wooooooooo!!!
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Nothing notable today. Ate a meal and kept it down. Feeling extremely anxious about it now but I’m going to keep the food down. I’ve been feeling my health go downhill and I need to get better
Update: things started to feel a lot worse once nighttime hit (as usual). Just really really struggling and I have no one to talk to. I’ll update tomorrow
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Day 1
Early morning. Drinking coffee without sugar and ready to go to sign papers at new work. I was working as a truck driver with hydraulic manipulator, but found a better variant. So starting to work for them on 03.01.
This is photo from my last job. I liked it, but many workers drink there, and have prisoners bracelets. They said their looking for driver, but I was doing all kinds of jobs there. Something just pushed me out from that place and I foubd a better oportunity while workingvthere. This new company is one of the biggest in my country so I have a good feeling.
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Checking in.
My heart goes out to all the people who are going to suffer. I am scared.
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I’m not sure what your talking about, but I will be sending prayers and strength
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Thinking of war in Ukraine.
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I know this reply is a little late, but I think everything you wrote is likely spot on. While all kids are different, children in general want to be seen and acknowledged by their parents and other important people in their life. The silent messages children recieve get encoded into the psyche for the subconscious to continuously refer back to–like an app relying on an operating system. Figuring out how to change the code in our personal operating systems is so hard, even if you logically get the basics of /why/ you have the code in the first place.
Even if you have a basically “normal” childhood or teenage experience like @DryIn785 talked about, we all have things that wounded us deeply. Even if it might seem like a silly or stupid thing on the surface, the truth is that it is not. We’re all different and we’re affected deeply by different things based on our own individualistic make up.
I personally believe that when we’re really able to dig down to the very core of the issue, the why of it all, we can ‘reprogram’ our subconscious to stop referring back to that issue and bringing up old hurts and pains in situations that sometimes don’t even seem to be related. This is hard work that doesn’t happen over night.
I know I’ve said it before, but I feel like in this way, recovering addicts are a little ahead of the game. I think we all have types of addictions, but some don’t even seem like they are, or maybe they’re “healthy”, or they don’t have enough affect on our lives to seem like a problem; however those who are labeled “addicts”, are the ones with addictions that negatively affect our lives to such a degree that we must figure ourselves out. Part of that often has to do with digging into those old hurts because they’re related to our addictions. We are, in a way, forced to do some of this work.
Sorry for being so long winded (like always 
).
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I am with you in thought Franzi. Holding your hand.
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Thank you for mentioning this. I’ve been following the situation and my heart goes out to everyone in Ukraine and those in the Baltic states who may get pulled into even more conflict than there has been.
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I love this post. You are 100% spot on.
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Thinking of you. 
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Day 156 checking in
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1395
Feeling extremely anxious as I go to bed. The situation in Ukraine has left me with an ominous feeling I haven’t felt since right before my addiction was brought to light.
Being involved in Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom, I know firsthand how war smells, how it feels and what it looks like. At times like these I turned to pills to calm my anxiety and smooth my nerves. My thoughts are with Ukrainian military friends I have met and trained with over the years and everyone else who will be affected by this worldwide.
I share my thoughts here publically in hopes that I don’t act on them privately.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
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Morning all, checking in on Day 19. Another one incredibly unsettled by the war in Ukraine. I just can’t imagine the fear there atm. Also thinking of people here who have experience of combat, like @Wunderbar I hope you get some peace from your anxiety.
I hope everyone has a peaceful day
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- Coffee. I’m in shock. I’m not going to do anything stupid though. Just for today I’ll remain sober and clean. And go to therapy. Meet some school friends afterwards and share a meal. As we arranged a couple of weeks ago. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober because using won’t help with anything at all. Love from Amsterdam. Pic is from yesterday. It was a nice sunshiny day.
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Wishing you a good day. Your photo is beautiful… speaks of spring coming to me … and the beauty of the every day. Thanks for bringing that into my life on this hard day. 
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Beautiful image, exactly how I imagined Amsterdam. Lovely thoughts and nice to see a good plan for the day. I need to make one too, first stop another coffee.
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