I agree, definitely what I’m gonna do. And not let it hold to much space time to have fun with the girls, my treadmill after like a long two month will be here Monday, I can’t wait to tear it up. Hope you are having a good blessed day Stella
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So proud of you for biting the bullet and asking for sponsor. I hope he’s a good match. It’s ok to be nervous, you’re starting a new thing. Maybe write down some thoughts beforehand?
Like your sponsor said, he’s not a doctor. You know your meds are good for you and they work for you. You don’t need to consult anybody else than your prescribing physician.
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Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the love yesterday.
You guys all truly rock and whether you’re at day 1 or day 3000 you really do inspire and motivate me 
I’m still going to be active on the forum but checking in less on this thread.
I’m still going to be actively working on my recovery but have decided it’s healthier for me to stop focusing on, and counting, my numbers daily.
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Your heart is an inspiration for having the strength to set Annie’s spirit free.
You were both certainly blessed in this life to have found and loved each other.
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Haven’t posted in awhile busy with grandkids etc. I’m on 48 days sober and doing pretty good. I only had one bad day where I thought about drinking. I’m a cancer survivor that has scans every 6 months no big deal. This last one they had a typo that said recurrence instead of no recurrence I just about flipped my shit…. Got lots of apologies from the oncologist dept but that sucked to send me false results but in the end I’m cancer free and did not drink!!
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@Hopeful777 thank you 
I hope your interview/assessment day went well 
@Nowenbrace cool catch 
congrats 
@Mno sending hope for some clarity regarding your working life
@zzz I have an idea for you, it’s what I do for myself, I don’t know my sobriety date, I’d have to count backwards whilst looking at a calendar, instead, I +1 every day, so the number is different every day and can’t play in my mind.
@Hazy feel better soon
@Misokatsu thank you I’m so happy you got to meet a real life Sloth 
I love them 
@947496893734373 congrats on 53 and your week
@Kacialyn sending strength I hope you enjoyed your first meeting.
@DryIn785 good luck for your interview
@Deep congrats on your month
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@roses4me sending strength
@Its_me_Stella @JennyH @Becsta @Butterflymoonwoman @kat261 @Olivia
Thank you all for your feedback and support. I won’t stop taking my meds, I’ve tried that enough times in the past to know that without them I try to end my life and/or end up in mental hospitals in psychosis. I will just have to learn not to take the opinions I keep hearing in meetings so personally. You all have helped.
562 days no alcohol.
27 days no cocaine.
4 days no binge-eating.
So today was my first phonecall with my sponsor. He gave me some suggestions, which included copying instructions, annotations, and highlighting from PDFs into my Big Book. He gave me a week to get it all done. I completed 3 of 15 before my back hurt from leaning over my table, and my hand from writing, but I’m confident I’ll be finished ahead of time as I’ll get started much earlier every day than I did today because our phonecall wasn’t until 11:30am. He also asked if his sponsor (my ‘grand-sponsor’ I think I’ve seen them referred to here), could call me, so I spoke to him today too, then my ‘grand-sponsor’ asked if one of his sponsee’s could call me, so I spoke to him today as well. It was all very awkward and quite overwhelming to be entirely honest, but it can only become easier with time, I hope. Another suggestion was that I attend 2 ‘very strong’ Zoom meetings, 8-9:30pm Tues and Fri.
Wow! I sobbed my eyes and heart out for the first 45mins of the Zoom meeting I attended tonight. The woman who did the main share managed to reach right down into the part of me where all of my pain is buried. I haven’t cried like that for atleast 2 years, the last time was when I watched ‘A Star Is Born’. I do not like feeling this pain at all, it’s the pain I used to feel every single day of my life that lead me to my suicide attempts, but I do know it’s what I need to do to heal, and with all of this new support around me, maybe it’s safe now, if I use said support. I nearly did message my sponsor after the meeting but then I remembered he’s on a night shift tonight. However, my grand-sponsor message me to say it was good to see me on the meeting, so when I replied I was open about my 45min sobbing session, then he said he was free if I wanted to talk, so I called him, it was way less awkward than our initial phonecall, and by the end we were laughing.
I don’t know who I am right now. I never really have, but I was atleast familiar with myself.
I’m embracing it all and diving in like my life depends on it, because it does . (Now my eyes are wet again).
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You are a very strong person , and your shares on here are always so touching , and the way you always send love and support to everyone on here struggling, you will make an amazing sponsor one day , keep up the great work , your killing It 
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Day 52! Almost lost it yesterday, but with help from some very kind people, I stayed on track.
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Congrats on 52 days , so glad you pushed through the urges 
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Checking in, day 156.
A bit exhausted today, kept waking up in my sleep feeling like someone/something was standing over me.
The day has been good, a bit cold. I love the cold but I don’t know why it seems a tad bit unbearable, feeling a sensitive to it. Tonight, the kid and I have a dinner to attend to for a birthday, not in the least bit tempted to drink. Yesterday, my therapist and I were discussing the possibility of romantically moving on and letting go, neither of which I am ready to do, nor do I want to. She suggested maybe trying to see if I could try getting used to taking off my ring here and there to get my mind/body a bit more open to the idea, not something I was crazy about but suddenly yesterday evening, my ring slid off and REFUSES to stay on my left hand where it always resides. I have lost so much weight since my seperation and my ring hasn’t budged in all of that but it just magically stopped fitting in a bout of coincidence? I have since switched to wearing it to my right hand and im wondering, is it coincidence? Is it a sign?
And if it is a sign? What exactly is it telling me?
Last night before bed, I found myself missing my partner a bit more than usual so I admired some pictures of our family. I felt the longing, I felt the sadness, but neither was overwhelming and crippling like before. Just a heavy sigh, some words and a prayer then I closed my eyes. So I guess in a sense, there’s progress there that has been made.
Half of a year has flown by. I miss you.
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Thank you so much!
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The end of day 1. OK felt like shit and didn’t really sleep but felt good to get 1 sober day. It’s what we set out to do and at the start it is enough.
The rest will come in time as long as we make some changes in our attitude to life.
For now just be grateful for what you have your doing amazing 
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Thank you Eric. Much appreciated!
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Waiting for that last number to change from a 7 to an 8 felt like forever. My daughter was more excited than I was and kept asking “did it change yet?” 
8 is the number of infinity. I hope that includes sobriety.
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Count down to the treadmill…
Yeahhhhh:+1:
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What a great catch. I can totally see why your daughter would be so thrilled. What a special and happy memory moment for you both! 
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Checking in
Day 9
Day is beginning to wind down and overal Id say it was a productive day! Did some grocery shopping and surprisingly got some really great deals, especially on meat (their meat is always so expensive so I end up buying alot of processed frozen foods but today was different). Hubby is currently making steak and mashed potatoes with gravy for supper tonight which is a nice treat!
We did a thorough cleaning of the fish tank and made some changes to it. Put in some white gravel with just a little bit of blue. Canged the light to a blue one too to make the nepn fish stand out. I’s very pretty now! I’ll post a pic in the Pet thread 
Had a small craving to use today again. Not very strong (3 out of 10). Prayed to HP and reminded myself once again about my powerless to my addictions. I find surrendering huge for battling those thots. Gonna relax a bit and wait until supper now!
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Day 142 is almost over and the door can hit it in the ass on its way out. Good riddance ya shitbag and don’t come back again. I’m going to bed.
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