I’m alright I guess. Just super exhausted
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Had a conversation with my HP regarding my new job. I was at the bus stop today looking at a Taco Bell across the street with a now hiring sign. I thought to myself. I could’ve taken that job I wouldn’t be stressing about how to get there.
“But you chose a job that you actually want.”
So, you’re saying it’s my own damn fault I’m in kind of a pickle."
“No. I’m saying you chose to face challenges and move forward instead of treading water and just getting by from one day to another.”
Oh, okay. That makes sense. But I still have to find a carpool in the next 4 days. 
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Wow that does look like a very intense and messy job! But I see u have the tile completely off now! What’s the next steps? Do u have a trade or something in tile work? Looks like ur doing a fine job!
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Day 158 checking in
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7 11/32 M AF Grateful to be only craving coffee!
Resisted opportunities for nicotine gum past few days, my Achilles heel!
Anger was visiting me yesterday, traffic and frustration. Pema Chodron says let everything be your teacher. Getting into meditation lately and hoping to make it a good habit ~ good medicine.
May we all have a blessed weekend.
Peace over power 
🧘♂:hugs:
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Love this! Powerful statement right there! Thanks for the reminder of meditating. I have been severely slacking on that 
hope ur day is better!
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Hello guys.
Just checking in day 33.
Bubye and stay safe
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Checking in
Day 12
Has been a decent work day. My client is very tired tho. She will wake up for food and we will do a small activity of her choice and then she heads back to bed. So today’s shift has been quiet. I’m definitly not complaining bcuz some days its go go go. She needs the rest too. Trying to eat better. Made a chic pea sandwich filling at home and had that as a wrap, ate oatmeal and now an apple. Males me feel better when im taking care of my body and fueling it right.
My triggers have definitly changed. Super weird… I notice that I get triggered to use on work days (so sat and sun). There was never a specific day in the past that triggered me cuz I would use any day of the week and there was no real day associated to using. But I have noticed the past couple weeks that I always get urges to use after work. Thankfully I always think about the 24 hours ahead in the mornings so that I have a plan for my day. As long as I stick to it, it’s okay. Been having messed up dreams too. Dreams of using specific drugs that I haven’t ever used and people that I know hurting it’s super upsetting and makes me wake up in a funk. Last night I dreamt of someone very close to me. I don’t remember details but I remember the awful feeling waking up. It wasn’t pleasant.
Anyway, I do want to get home and relax. 2.5 hours to go. Keep on keeping on lol
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Hey Mike, sorry to read that you had a rough night. Medication rebounds can happen in children with stimulant meds, it isn’t that they are “jonesing” for the stimulant it is that their symptoms flare up because of the lack of medication in their system. A lot of time with a minor medication adjustment these (sometimes terrible) symptoms can be eliviated. Have you taken Autumn to the Dr about this yet?
Here is an article on it, there are many articles online about it. Maybe reading will put your mind at ease. I know that you feel that medicating her is terrible, I also know that you have unmedicated ADHD. I also was an unmedicated child with ADHD and my life was fucking awful, it ended up leading me allllll the way to eventually self-medicating with Meth. I have finally been medicated as an adult and the difference it’s making is huge for me. I agree over-medicating children is terrible and it is done by too many people in Canada and the USA, but sometimes there are kids that can really benefit from the right medication at the right dose. I hope that you can figure something out for her that works.
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I don’t know the entirety of the condition so please this is not meant for any harm… but I took this for behavior balance and it has studies for lots of conditions similar to what has been posted… It is made by Da Vinci laboratories and is sweet tasting… I did read up extensively on it a year ago and had x2 bottles over 8 months that helped hugely with very bad mood swings that I used to have (anger) when I stopped drinking…… I hope you find a solution… it’s called ‘Behaviour balance’…dimethyl glycine.
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Successfully jumped the Atlantic to check in from Chi town, USA. Pretty exhausted, happy that I get a buffer day before having to be back at work!
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822 days without gaming
3 days without streaming services/video platforms
Worked from 7-17. Was an exhausting day. Discovered that me and my coworker are currently having a fight… Apparently I’m egotistical for working 40 hours a week and still wanting 3 eveningshifts in the warehouse.
First off, I have been a warehouse employee 3 times a week for over half a year, I’ve worked full time for maybe four weeks now. He however is the backup warehouse employee.
Secondly, I told my boss, in front of my coworker’s face, that I don’t mind working less warehouse shifts so that my coworker can take those because he wants to very badly. So I went out of my way to try and give him some of my warehouse shifts, before he even asked.
Thirdly, I only work the warehouse shift once a week nowadays, so the fact that I work full-time is nothing but favourable for him.
Fourthly, I have given him multiple of my warehouse shifts in the last few weeks.
So he is being very ungrateful.
And he’s not the one telling me what’s wrong, I have to hear it from another employee. I really thought me and the disgruntled employee were friends. But it turns out he thinks I’m an asshole. I can’t sleep because of this. I’ve asked the upset employee if we can have a chat soon. I want this thing resolved asap. I’ve asked him to make a list of his grievances, which will probably be very long, and I’ll bring a list of my own.
- Not accepting my boundaries when it comes to constantly making the same joke.
- A lack of communication which could prevent a bad relationship.
- I don’t understand some of his hoices, but that doesn’t mean I dislike him.
So nothing big.
I think I’ll be able to sort this out with him though as it feels like a big ball of misunderstandings he had through his insecurity and the fact he’s only 16.
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Day 6 AF 
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@StarK31 sorry to hear this 
congrats on coming right back here 
and in my recent experience, meetings have been very beneficial, which is a total understatement but I don’t have the right words to articulate just how much they are helping me. Sending strength and prayers 
@apes2020 thank you for the book recommendation, I’ve bought the audiobook, I also know I’ve got, but have never read, one of her other books, ‘The Universe Has Your Back’. So I’m going to try to locate that too. 
Also, please stay
@DryIn785 congrats on your interview success and new job, good luck I hope that you’ve been feeling better
@Butterflymoonwoman thank you so much I’m glad you’re here too and your self-awareness and adding new tools to your sobriety, and your husband’s, will get you far
@SadMemeQueen @Mno I hope you’ve both been getting some better sleep 
@Becsta thank you so much congrats on tackling some of your replacement addictions I used to be a 3x500ml daily energy drink drinker, I had to cut all caffeine out completely for a long time, coffee has been making a progressive reappearance this year, but it’s manageable for now.
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry about the tattoo, is it in a place that you can keep covered up for the 2 weeks? Maybe they could compensate you with free laser removal, then start again, double check when they put the stencil on, that it’s exactly as you want it before they start. I am so glad to hear you had a perfect wedding though 
hold on to that 
@zzz feel better soon
@Julia welcome 
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@Lotusflower thank you so pleased to hear of all the benefits of your sobriety, may they keep coming
@Charlie_C belated happy 33rd anniversary
@Misokatsu I hope today was better
@SelfLove_42 congrats on triple digits 
@roses4me congrats on 30 days
@KevinesKay congrats on 4 months
@Wakikki I hope the results lead to finding some relief from your symptoms congrats on playing the tape through
@Luckyredz congrats on 9 & 12 months 
@anon52066378 congrats on 90 days and that’s some solid definition 
@Jesile happy sober birthday 
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@RecoveringJP congrats on 5 months
@KellyKelly welcome back congrats on 3 days also, you can do all of those things sober too
@JennyH congrats on 3 weeks
@icebear so proud of you, congrats on your sober work trip
@anon57836609 I hope things get resolved between the two of you.
565 days no alcohol.
30 days no cocaine.
7 days no binge-eating.
Missed a check-in yesterday. I really tried but was unwell and thankfully managed to fall asleep with my phone in my hands and my SAD lamp still on.
The symptoms that appeared one month into my relapse, and had me transported via ambulance to the emergency department with suspected heart attacks, have been persistent and ongoing. All of the time now I am red all over, when I stand up or walk at all, even from my bed or the sofa to the kitchen, it becomes a deeper red. At 4pm yesterday, during therapy, I started getting chest pains, told myself it was anxiety and tried to ignore them. Then at 7pm I needed some more highlighters from the supermarket for the Big Book work I’ve been doing that my sponsor set me, so I took a slow walk there and back, 30mins in total, and while I was walking it became harder to breathe and the chest pains intensified. When I got home I realised that the redness had become purple, my pupils also massively dilate all the time now too, so I layed down whilst listening to a Zoom meeting, telling myself that the purple would return to my ‘normal’ state of redness, it didn’t. After the meeting I sought medical attention, was told that emergency ambulances were taking atleast 10 hours. Since I’ve been to the hospital 3 times with these exact symptoms, and they’ve just blamed the cocaine and sent me home, after going backwards and forwards over it on a video call with my dad, we decided it would be better for me to try to get some rest as opposed to sitting in the waiting room all night only to be sent home again, so I took some pain killers and did manage to fall asleep. When I woke up, the purple had settled to redness, and I have only had occasional chest pains today. I really want to know what’s wrong with me, I know the triggers are stress,.anxiety, andany amount exertion, but there must be an underlying condition, and to be honest it really scares me. I’ve spoken to my GP over the phone about it a few times, and he just keeps saying to give it more time to see if it goes away on its own, but it has been 30 days now, if it was the cocaine that caused it, surely that would have left my system by now and the symptoms should have settled. Sorry for writing a long post about it, but it’s a big frustration at the moment, especially because I had a very debilitating heart condition in my early twenties and for 3 years all the GPs and hospital doctors kept saying it was just anxiety and sending me away, when I knew that anxiety doesn’t make your heart beat 220bpm for no reason at all, multiple times a day. Eventually I had an ‘attack’ whilst in a GPs office and he was able to witness it through a stethoscope and knew exactly what it was and make the relevant referrals. To cut the rest of that story short I had heart surgery whilst being awake, in 2012, and have only been left with medicated and manageable residual symptoms. But this new problem is triggering the memories of desperation and hopelessness battling for answers whilst knowing something was wrong. Ugh. Apologies again for length of post about it. Mainly to say, this is the reality of relapse, if it doesn’t kill you quickly, it may kill you slowly, and it will feel like no medical staff care the whole time, because you’re an addict .
Moving on…I have completed the work my sponsor set for me (highlighting and annotating my Big Book, in the exact way as he was shown, and so on). So, I’m expecting that when I call him tomorrow, we will arrange our first meet-up to start working through Step 1. He already explained we will meet for 1.5 hours. I have been attending meetings every day. Today at the in-person Book Study meeting where there has been just the chair and I the last 2 weeks, he wasn’t there, but 3 other people and myself were. I didn’t have anything in my head when it was share time, but I opened my mouth and words came out for atleast a few minutes! I’ve no idea what I said, but it made a woman cry, so then I felt bad but she said she needed it. I also received my 30 day key-tag 
It’s blue and shiny and I really love it.
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Hey Cam, that sounds frightening. I am glad you are OK, and I hope you can get some good medical advice. Like you said, another great reason for us to stay clean and sober.
Congratulations on having the courage to share and for your awesome shiny 30 day keyring!
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congrats on your 5 months 
Unfortunately no. But I appreciate your well wishes 
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