Good morning folks Kat here checking in at Day 210.
Just another morning at work, loving being employed again it makes me feel like a valuable member of society.
Did an NA meeting last night it was someone’s 8 year celebration and someone with almost 30 years was the speaker. It made me yearn for that much sobriety, that much peace. I want to follow that same road those people are on and never fall off.
Will hit the gym after work! Zoom meeting tonight.
It really did feel different. I guess my brain just didn’t know how to handle it after so long. I was completely numb the entire time. Which is usually the total opposite. I would SH so I could get some relief. But I felt no changes.
Checking in Day16
Struggling a bit. Not with using thoughts or anything, just finding peace and calmness and being present.
I was feeling anxiety and worry and fear last night over a situation that I truly have no control over. I sat in the shower and just tried to unwind. My mind just spinning. Had a harder time falling asleep. Woke up this morning and prayed like i always do. Surrendered and reminded myself of my powerless of my addictions, people, places, things, and situations. I’m stueggling to be kind to people bcuz everything is honestly annoying me. It has nothing to do with them. It’s all me.
~When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me. I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment~
This is what today is going to be about… acceptance. A long with self love and gratitude. Cuz I can not control anything outside of me. I can only control how these outside sources effect me. So serenity prayer it is:
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
(People places and things),
The courage to change the things I can
(Me),
And the wisdom to know the difference.
@SadMemeQueen
Megan, huge hugs!!! Please don’t feel like a failure or anything along those lines. Bcuz u are not! Ur a beautiful, kind, compassionate, strong woman and we all care for u and are here for u! Don’t let this relapse keep u down. Every single day is a new day to reset Think of what u can do differently this time around. U haven’t lost all u have learned. What u have been doing all this time has been working! Something happened that lead to ur relapsed. Is there anything u could have done differently? Or that could’ve helped? Set a plan for urself for future similar situations and just keep at it! Hugs girl
Yes exactly. I remember the day well that I slipped. I was highly emotionally triggered and I knew I couldn’t use substances, I was only about 6 months clean. I didn’t have the coping skills yet to deal with what I was feeling. My knee jerk reaction was to SH even though it had been 1.5 years. It was as if my brain detoured away from the pathway of using and diverted down the wrong lane. While I acted out that day it wasn’t effective either it was almost like I was forcing myself to do it, it didn’t feel natural anymore. I guess I wanted to “just make sure” 6 months later and it was ever less natural then.
Hello guys.
Checking in day 37. I did not check in yesterday.
I have not been feeling good these past few days. I have become very irritable and also have some anger burst.
Yesterday I became so angry that I acted out and crash my phone. I am not proud of how I reacted but I am looking forward to work on my anger and those repressed emotions. I did not crave prn but everytime I was feeling bad, my mind would just try to trick to watch prn. But I stayed strong and rejected everytime as I know it would do more harm than good.
My streak count has reset as I am checking in from my laptop.
One week.
Welp.
Feeling better today!
Not 100%, still have that 37.4 temperature, but I think it is just immune system turned on. Probably will go away in a week or so.
@Callie99 great job on your 5 months!! @HoofHearted I appreciate your comments. I’ve seen a lot of people over time share their views on “relapse is part of recovery”. I suppose right now, what makes sense to me is that “Relapse sometimes happens on the road to recovery” whether it’s a quick stumble on that path, or going off into the dark forest for a time. Some people walk that road without any issue, and some–like myself–wander off the road, trip and fall down, take a seat on the path and stubbornly refuse to go any further. I would agree that it’s not actually part of recovery itself. Maybe “recovery” is like getting a “runner’s high”. You have to run/jog to get to that state. It’s work, it can be hard. But eventually you do. And you stay there unless you quit running. Quit running and you might have the glow for a while, but eventually it’s gone because you stopped doing the thing that put you there in the first place. Maybe it’s a bad analogy. I hope you have a great time on your trip. @ShesGotMoxie I’ve joked with someone that there should be a thread called, “Inappropriate PMs” where those messages get copy/pasted into the thread for all to see–first time or after a warning if they keep doing it. I can definitely see how this could go wrong, so it stays in the realm of a joke, but I can imagine that the threat of it becoming public would be quite a deterrent. @Lotusflower Congrats on your 100 days! I’m sorry you have to deal with your kids’ father, especially on such a triumphant day. I hope all goes well. @anon9289869 Congrats on your six months! @Miranda and @MeSober Hang in there. You’re both doing good. Forget one day at a time, and think one moment at a time right now. Just make it through this moment, then the next; then make it one hour at a time, etc. @anon42928441 Great job on reaching day ten! @zzz Glad to hear you’re feeling better Great job on 7 days!
Yessir, win the moment, win the day and you did it. That brainwashing kicks in trying to ‘comfort’ you with dopamine…glad you stayed strong. Keep fighting bro, i’m right there with you!!!
Day 139. New machine came, it’s so pretty can’t wait to try it. Girls are home so won’t be messing with it for a few days. Trying to have a good day and stay grateful. Treadmill still didn’t come, idk much love everyone
Checking in Day16
Just thot id stop in and say hi and hope everyone is managing okay today.
Today has been tiring honestly. The appt this morning went well tho. Happy about that. Trying to stay in the moment right now as I am dealing with people that are causing me some stress. It frustrates me to no end when I catch people in lies. Person #1 tells me this, then person #2 (who is supposed to be contact with person #1), says something different. And this all has to do with me and how it effects me. They get mad I ask questions and they get mad that I tell them there is a lack of communication, and they tell me how I should feel and I lose my inner peace bcuz I allow them to rent space in my head (rent free at that! Lol). Oh man. Anyway, I’m just trying to stay centered right now. Will do the exercise on TS for March 2nd. Maybe that will help to get the negative vibes out of me.
Hubby has a dental appt at 6pm too so he won’t be home until late. I want to sleep but can’t. Not sure what to do right now
Think of what u can do differently this time around. U haven’t lost all u have learned. What u have been doing all this time has been working! Something happened that lead to ur relapsed. Is there anything u could have done differently? Or that could’ve helped? Set a plan for urself for future similar situations and just keep at it! Hugs girl 
I would agree that it’s not actually part of recovery itself. Maybe “recovery” is like getting a “runner’s high”. You have to run/jog to get to that state. It’s work, it can be hard. But eventually you do. And you stay there unless you quit running. Quit running and you might have the glow for a while, but eventually it’s gone because you stopped doing the thing that put you there in the first place. Maybe it’s a bad analogy. 
I hope you have a great time on your trip. 
