Congratulations @anon42928441!!! 
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Thatās so strange that you mentioned about peoples lies causing you stress because Iām dealing with that right now. Iām feeling super anxious. I was actually just going to start a new topic saying that Iām feeling really anxious and then I opened up your post and read it and although it sucks that youāre going through it it almost makes me feel better to know Iām not alone Iām sorry that you are going through this stress though. I have a client of mine playing a lot of head games and in this case itās just one person telling me one thing and then changing her story and Iām wasting all my energy going back to find āthe truthsāā¦
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And alsoā¦ Iām sorry if I was making that more about me. I really hope the exercise you were talking about helps? Which one was that?
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Way to go Jay 
ODAAT
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Like for real tho?! Awe Iām sorry ur dealing with this too 
it literally is so damn exhausting. Like this isnāt the 1st time that this lack of communication has happened and the little lies that come up. They seem to think that i just sit there and let stuff happen lol but I always ask questions and ask for clarification on stuff. And then it becomes a he say she say scenario. And when I ask to have everyone together so that we can sort everything out at once instead of playing cat and mouseā¦ they tell me that I shouldnt be upset or donāt worry itās fine etc. Itās like I am acting this way and asking questions but history has shown me that there has been constant issues here and that I have to be proactive and get stuff done myself. Idk. What kind of work do u do? If u donāt mind me asking? Is your client thru ur work place?
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Oh no worries lol its funny u mention thatā¦ bcuz I often have to reread my posts bcuz i think to myselfā¦ did i make that about me? 
we think alike lol
Lol. Iām actually a personal trainerā¦ Which is why I feel embarrassed about struggling with alcohol because everything else about me looks really healthy from the outside and I eat super healthy (except when Iāve lost all good judgment after drinkingš)
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Oh no way!!! I have wanted to be a personal trainer for ages! I became obsessed with working out many years ago. Exercise and weight training and nutrition. I have such a passion for it. And yes I can so relate to that tooā¦ I looked good and healthy and fit on the outside but inside and mentally I was a wreck honestly tho girlā¦ addiction doesnāt discriminate. It can effect anyone. No need to feel embarassed. Itās amazing that u want to help others reach their goals when ur working thru stuff urself. That takes a special kind of person 
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Now thoā¦ I struggle with motivation to get to the gym, Iāve put on weight cuz I stopped using, and my eating habits suck lol but I have it in me to become a healthier person. I still have good form when I workout and I know how to eat well. Itās just doing it thatās tough
Thank youš you made my eyes begin to tear. I do love helping people so much and I do think thatās also part of the issue because I put other peopleās needs ahead of mine.
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I hate disappointing people so I find it hard to say no and do the things to take care of myself, but thatās why this place has already been so helpful. Iām feeling exhausted today and instead of doing all the things I felt like I should do for other people I told myself it was okay to sit down and try to relax and read my book and check in with you guys.
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Iāve noticed Iāve been a lot hungrier without drinking but Iām not really worrying about what Iām eating right now as long as Iām not drinking and I know I can get my eating back on track. Why do you think youāre suffering from lack of motivation?
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So trueā¦ I use to feel so embarrassed too honestly. And actually I do still to this day feel embarrassed about something. I have a Community Support Worker diploma. I finished college like 13 years ago.Have been working in the social services field for 13 years. And having just over 2 weeks clean, obviously I havenāt been clean my whole time of being a support worker. I was never high or anything at work and I have always recieved compliments from management about my work and skills and what not. But I literally would be supporting clients who struggled with addiction while i struggled with it myself. 13 years agoā¦ for 5 years, I was working at a halfway house for men getting out of prison who had been also diagnosed with a mental health concern. I was using drugs back then (not at work and no one even knew I had an addiction bcuz I hid it well) but outside of work I was a wreck. I was even mtg men after work (as i was a sex trade worker back then as another ācareerā). I would walk a few blocks after my shift at the halfway house and get picked up and did what I did. And then, go home and use. Like omg 
And i remembwr one night i was at someones place i barely knew, using meth, and u woudlnt believe who walked inā¦ one of the residents that lived at the halfway house!! Thats when i knew my worlds were colliding. We never spoke about it. I never said anything about him using and being there even tho his conditions stated that he wasnt allowed to do that. And he never ātold on meā for seeing me there using. It was awful!!! Awful is an understatment honestly. And these things are embarrassing for me bcuz thatās not who I am. And I honestly never told anyone about these things lol until now! But I enjoy helping people. I like to think I have some knowledge to an extent regarding addiction, just based off of the 22 years Iāve been working at it myself lol. The trouble is me taking my o
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Honestlyā¦ im tired. Staying clean and doing what I need to do each day exhausts me. I feel like I donāt have the energy to work on that. Yetā¦ I know that exercise also makes me feel energized and awake and feel good. So why i fight it this time? I have no clue.
My son will give up chocolate and my daughter crisps. I am going to try to be less reactive with the husband. It will be a miracle if any of us manage a week.
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Good luck with the new job!
Well it does sound like youāre doing everything you can. Youāve been to a lot and youāve come out stronger. Iām glad your hereš
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7 1/2 M AF Checking in clean and sober today.
Appreciation is being known for the Buddhist no-self philosophy. No permanent Self to be found in here, constant change and continual mind/body process. Just to stay in the present moment and watch the mind roll on~grateful.
Building motivation with strong coffee to change he oil on the motorscooter today. Please Tao, free us from struggles that are too much to handle.
āEverything is workableā says Pema and my psychiatrist so effort will be known
š§āā:hugs:
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