How are u doing did u beat the craving?
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Hey Miranda, just checking in on ya 
I saw ur posts from earlier and was wondering how ur night went?
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It took me so long to actually do it. it felt like forcing myself but I didnāt know what else to do. It just felt so odd.
Today is just full of regret. Not even necessarily because of the fact that I self harmed, just the horrible stinging pain. I thought that if I was careful and made sure I didnāt need stitches. Iām havijg a very hard time doing much of anything.
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Checking in
Day16
Hubby is coming home from his dental consultation. Hope itās good news. Supper is super late today (itāll he 8pm or so by the time we eat). Iām feeling better tonight than I was earlier. Iām grateful that my mind is already slightly changing. I can tell bcuz Iāve had some pretty intense emotions and stressor lately and maybe once did I have a craving due to that reason. Stress and money were my #1 triggers. And cravings for both have refuced dramatically. My cravings tend to be on the weekends after Iām done work now. So itās weird. I never used to crave after work and stuff. But Iāll work thru it Hope everyone is having an addiction free day/night!
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It will be 1 day clean in a few hours. Itās a really shitty feeling to see that number drop so far. I was so damn close to a year. I really thought I was going to get there. In 12 years of this self harm addiction, Iāve never been clean more than a month. Then all of a sudden it was nearly a year. And now itās back to 1. Cleaning the cuts and just the stinging in general is horrible. Having a hard time walking properly because of the stinging.
I donāt feel anything other than regret today. Most of the regret is because I felt no different after cutting. Iāve caused weeks of future pain for literally nothing.
I know I canāt let myself think like this. But I really do feel like Iāve thrown away everything. I know I have tools now. I know my brain has changed. But I had such a hard time seeing progress even when I was doing my best. Now I just want to give up fighting this. I donāt even want to try to move out anymore. I just want to let myself rot. Iām not going to do that, I just hate this.
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Big hugs. It is a process, and having long stretches of clean time IS progress. But remember your feelings of regret and the fact that nothing was actually solved for the next time u feel the urge.
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Received my one month chip
Tonight 
Today was a good day, today for the first time in 3 years I was able to handle a situation with a clear mind , clear thoughts , without getting defensive or rude & came out on top, and was given an apology.
Today for the first time I admitted I was wrong and apologized for my part in another situation.
Being able to feel all my emotions and be able to handle them without being overwhelmed or angry is an amazing feeling.
Today I am proud of myself , today I am sober.
Hereās too another 24 hours 
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Thatās Great Kacie.
Congratulations on your 1 month.
Iām glad youāre proud of yourself. Youāre so worth it.
Great job 
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So happy to see this! Awesome job! 
Yay!!! Way to go!!! Huge progress girl! Proud of u
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Yes!!! I beat itā:clap:
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Thank you so muchā:sparkling_heart: I made it. Yay. Canāt wait to have a good sleep and wake up feeling proud of myself!
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Congratulations on your one month chip
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Awesome Kaci, congrats on your first month.
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Congratulations!!! 
Thank you Cat! Itās been going well except waking up at 5am is killing me LOL! Iām used to going to bed at 2am-4am so my body adjusting is going to take some time but we are getting there
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Congrats !!!
Checking in Day 10. As you all know I started my new job and my shift has changed this 5am wake up is killing me lol. Are any of you early risers for work if so do you have any routines to wind down the night before so you get adequate rest?
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Day 163
Today was a great day! I spent it at the beach and cruising down PCH. Had some awesome greek food and even went to a casino. Iām not a huge fan of gambling at all but it was still fun.
The world seemed to smile at me alot.
Didnāt have much time stuck in my head and now that Iām laying down, I feel way too exhausted to even let my thoughts keep me awake.
Praying that I donāt have nightmares tonight.
I hope everyone had a great day!
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