I really agree, after what @Butterflymoonwoman and @Its_me_Stella said and I told myself I’m canceling it my whole body just calmed down and I already feel better. Like a huge relief, I get nervous before tattoos in general but never like this, the vibe wasn’t there and this girl has been saying really strange things. So yeah I already messaged my ex and told her plz bring girls here in morning. Thank you 
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And YOU need some fun too 
Life can be tough and serious in recovery… for me anyway and I’m sure others can relate. I struggle with having fun. But i think ur making the right call on these appts. The gut instinct usually doesn’t lie
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Thanks for asking, but no not at all! I haven’t had my ED for many years now, but it was quite servere between roughly 10-16… Even if surprisingly not necessarily weight-wise it was very much psychologically damaging… My ED wasn’t like traditional bulimia or anorexia (which both of my older sisters not coincidentally developed into their late teens and early adulthood but luckily also overcame), and much more unique to my specific upbringing, more like an anxiety of food to the point of compulsive vomiting, due to such extreme pressure and stress from the traumatic psychological abuse my father inflicted upon me (and us all). At the roots of the ED, his unnatural hoarding of my plates as far back as I could remember, and aggressive response to opposing him, and prolonged, extreme and persistent hatred of me on a deeply personal level (being his scapegoat) was what started the ‘food problem’ as I came to know it, together with many other problems and distracting addictions before and after it.
If anything I still see myself as ‘too skinny’ even if I’m not, but have a normal relationship with food overall though, I might lose my appetite when under intense stress but that’s relatively rare and not necessarily abnormal from what I’ve heard and read up… I never would have imagined escaping that pit, how grateful I can be…
My boundaries are a little blurry though, I can eat notably less (overall) or more (in one go) than others without too much of a problem and don’t know hunger in the traditional, unbearable way.
Just means I need to be a little more conscious of it, like having breakfast in the morning when your still too tired kind of conscious…
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Wow. It sounds like you’ve overcome a lot. What you posted sounds like you feel that your ED is kind of cropping up again in a sense. Is there some situation or change that maybe triggered these thoughts or concerns about your diet? How are your energy levels and how do you feel physically? without thinking about what and when you THINK you should or shouldn’t be eating. If you didn’t think about that at all, and just thought about how you are feeling physically, do you feel healthy?
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433 days
Actually did some recovery work last night ,DBT stuff, and felt better even though it was only for an hour. This week I noticed thoughts of drinking cropping up, and knew it was down to not doing stuff getting lethergic, causing low moods. So I have got some motivation back. My negative thoughts are all based on disliking me , my bad points etc. I need to focus on the good and acknowledge the bad but keep focusing on improving.
Housework this morning and off to beach for the night, so needed
@anon53116147 yes, always go with your instinct, you must try your new machine you may love it 
enjoy whatever activity you do with your girls today .
Wishing you all a strong 24 hours all 
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Day 165 checking in we keep on moving forward 
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You know how that goes one drink leads to more drinks leads to coke then you are in that cycle again we just got to push through the bad days to get to good days we’ll done on your clean time keep going
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You’re right… thank you man, right back at you 
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I also use AA and CA you can meet sober friends who you can talk to when u have those feelings might be worth a shot 
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It’s not necessarily a fear of my ED returning, as it’s not the same. It’s more being conscious of my unhealthy ability to skip meals without thinking twice for a full day, only to think eating some more at the end can compensate, instead of the healthy and natural three meals a day ideal plus snacking etc… I can eat more and don’t mind when I do… But don’t seem to prioritize it naturally. I think my occasional fears of anything ‘returning’ are baseless and relatively temporary as I move past all of them quickly with a little exposure - usually during anxious or new moments like dating the first girl, being amongst particularly judgemental people etc. During my depressions, I also neglected food quite badly when in a particularly bad headspace, sometimes due to social anxiety just to leave my room, other times out of a careless neglect of everything (typical of depression). But they’re behind me since my returned sobriety, and it was the addictions which directly caused the depression periods as it hurt me not to be able to quit.
I feel on track though, when I’m in the right headspace I accept and love myself and life! And I’m making progress especially recently by consciously thinking in the now. That’s where I finally see my potential and feel best… Actually browsing this place and engaging with you guys can honestly be liberating! Just to know I’m not quite alone in my struggles. 
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I just wanted to say thanks for being there for me when you are btw @Butterflymoonwoman! You’ve been putting the time aside to shine here and your presense is much appreciated, u know that?
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1001
Coffee. Weekend. Need to do some useful stuff and some -nice- diversion too. A little bit of early spring cleaning. A little bit of outdoor activities. Some thinking, and a little action too, on my future. Need to keep moving ahead. I’m just as good as my last action. So let’s go.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from Amsterdam. 
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Day 21. Still sober.
It’s a beautiful saturday and i’m enjoying my weekend. A few minutes ago I’ve had my first craving in a while…. So I opened the app and started reading posts and typing my own check in.
I don’t want to give in to these cravings. 1 will lead to a few and that will lead to getting way to drunk….
Thank god I can keep myself busy but my evening is wide open. And I’m alone tonight.
Gotta stay strong!
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Day 571
Have had some tense days with the husband recently. Could tell he was making effort today though. Spring is in the air, and the chilblains on my hands are improving. Little by little working on the kids’ literacy in English. It takes a little time each day, and a bit longer at weekends, but keep plugging away. Bit like recovery, I don’t do that much really, but I keep at it.
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Good morning all! Its supposed to be 70 degrees here today woot! Teaching classes this morning then I’m attending a fund raising dinner for a special needs organization I work with locally. Busy busy.
Have an awesome sober Saturday!
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Congratulations on your 21 days Johnathan. Well done.
one week away from a entire month. ODAAT!
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Happy Sober Saturday.
Looking forward to a good day. All children have plans or activities this afternoon. I’m going to take the time to get a manicure.
Will see were the rest of the day leads up. Possibly visiting a friend for a bit.
Strong and Sober 24 all
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Hey all, checking in on day 629. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Hey friend just checking in, I saw that 001 on your post…you doing okay?
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Sorry for startling you and thanks for caring friend. Check again plz, I think you’re missing a 1…
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