Oof! So glad you’re okay! Here’s hoping you can take some time to yourself tonight and process what you need to.
3 Likes
Checking in
Day44
Having some urges to use. Just been a busy day. Feeling overwhelmed. It’s when I don’t have down time, that creates the urge to use. Just finished a smudge to get rid of negative energy. Prayed. Going to try and also slow down and deep breathe. Maybe work on a dreamcatcher. It’ll be okay. I just don’t know how to handle stress sometimes or how to balance my life. I honestly dont know how people do it haha
18 Likes
@Skweeeot aah I can understand the anxiety of the unknown, I hope no matter the outcome, that it arrives soon and you can start to make peace with it 
@Butterflymoonwoman sorry you had to experience that 
but I think you handled it in the best possible way, well done, your progress is amazing, I’m so proud of you 
@John1990 congrats on triple digits 
+ 
@emi congrats on 2 weeks I hope the medication helps
@GOKU2019 sending strength
@Lotusflower I can really empathise with this being a tough time, sending strength and love you are an amazing mum 
@Pica congrats on triple digits
@AllyP congrats on double digits definitely get that doctor’s appointment booked
@HillbillyChris congrats on all the 2s I’m glad you were able to resolve your heating issue
@Rockstar24777 I hope the interview went well 
you deserve to be happy at work too
8 Likes
Thank you very much
2 Likes
@Butterflymoonwoman - you are inspiring! You got this! You are using your tools and seeking support on this platform. You are a great example for maintaining sobriety. I believe in you!
5 Likes
You’re doing a great job at being self aware. It takes sometime to learn how to live this new way of life, how to prioritize things so we don’t become overwhelmed. I have had to learn how to pace myself with my chronic pain and I don’t think it should be any different for people new in recovery. Even if you can set your phone or watch timer to buzz every couple hours so you can give yourself a 5 min “brain break” , ground, gather and then get back to whatever it was.
Those urges are just your brain saying “Too much Dana I need a break.” I am glad you are listening to your body before you crash
11 Likes
Checking in- I had group therapy this afternoon and I meditated this evening. I had an annoying interaction with a co-worker today who drives me nuts! Thought about how I can’t let people steal my joy. This was just a test on how I can let go and stay focused on ensuring my joy. I really enjoy reading everyone’s posts. Grateful for being sober today ODAAT~
14 Likes
These are challenging times Brother- thinking of you. Keep your head up and thanks for sharing.
3 Likes
…1468. Just got my Dharma recovery book. A new chapter begins.
17 Likes
Hi all sober friends! It’s been a weird couple of days. The other day I ate a real dinner instead of just snacking and fell asleep at 8. Had a strange dream. I saw a friend of mine who offered me some of his DOC. I took it from him, but ended up not smoking (a common theme in my drinking dreams is that something will happen between picking up a drink, and not actually being able to drink 
) Anyway, I woke up feeling good, but it was 3 am, too late to go back to bed, too early to get the day started.
Blessed with a thunderstorm that night. Opened the window to smell the air and hear the rain, and wanted to fall asleep on the couch. I ended up not falling asleep till after midnight. Made it to work okay, but something happened. I was picking over some boards as we were disposing of them (I work at an e-waste recycler) and a coworker got the idea that maybe I was trying to steal something. Got called to the office for a conversation. I just told them I was eyeballing components for a project (they knew when they hired me what my hobbies are) and were completely cool about the whole thing. I feel self-conscious now though. My friend David said don’t worry, if Shawn had a problem, you’d have been fired immediately.
Anyway, still sober. But the urges keep getting worse as I approach my birthday. Happens every year. 
Thanks for letting me vent!
15 Likes
Day 42. You guys have helped a lot, as usual. The missus was around as well. Kept myself busy around the house, had a chilling therapy session, made plans, decided to chill about some things that didn’t need to bother right now.
Now going to watch the first leg of the state championship final, my club x a sworn enemy club who basically tried to erase us from existence during WW2 and take over our stadium.
Make me happy, S.E. Palmeiras. Let’s smash the posh c***s.
14 Likes
@Lorelai @anon74766472 @JennyH @Mno @anon9289869 @SadMemeQueen @kat261 @Deelzebub thank you all for your replies, they mean a lot
@Deep thank you it does feel like a good milestone to be on the other side of I’m sorry to read about the car accident, but glad you escaped without more serious injuries
@Misokatsu thank you you are doing a great job with a very challenging situation, sending strength
597 days no alcohol.
62 days no cocaine.
1 day no binge-eating.
Nothing much to report today. Had my social care assessment and unfortunately I fall through the gaps for any help with the things I struggle with, though they did suggest applying to get on the housing register as I am at risk of homelessness again, with the landlord selling the flat and me not being able to afford market value rent, so I will make an application tomorrow.
The nicotine situation is absolutely insane, I am in shock at how massively is has escalated. Planning to give 0mg another try when I run out of the 20mg disposable vapes that I’ve got, for context, they have 3500 puffs in each one and they say they last a week…I’m getting through 4 a day, which is £48.
I have also been really struggling with binge urges all day, but have managed to resist so far.
I wish I could feel feelings instead of urges so that I could figure out what I need and potentially, over time, actually learn to manage them in healthier ways.
16 Likes
Thank you so much @Its_me_Stella and @michaeljlogan74. I apprepctae the support. I’ve been noticing my brain and how it thinks lately lol. It’s exhausting sometimes. Like today I notice it begin to replay myself using, the whole damn process of it, and glorify it (my brain lieing to me saying that I’d get relief from it and how relaxing it would be lol). ALL LIES!!! So once I realized my brain doing this, I told myself to stop, and I played the tape and remembered why I’m doing this, why I’m choosing to be clean and sober. Then I put on some music and just did dishes and played a game on my phone. Just distracted. And now I’m pretty much ok. Just a small urge now. But getting feedback from you both really helped. Sometimes I feel so alone and then I’m like, there are so many others fighting their addictions too. I’m so tired of all those years of relapsing. Like, I’m getting off this merry go round for good this time 
7 Likes
Day 167. It was a good day, girls came home had a couple moments that I was able to snap out of. When we came to bed rather then praying or reading stories I let them talk about the day and how they felt and what are some things they would maybe like from me as well. It went ok, lots of goofing off and losing focus but it’s a start. My new meds will be here tomorrow for my ADHD hoping they work, if they don’t I have one other brand that’s not stimulant that I’m going to try and then from there if those don’t work I will go to the doctor for the other stuff. I was supposed to have two tattoos yesterday, they were original designs that I made took me 4 hours a piece to draw. And the ppl loved them they asked me how much I told them and then before coming yesterday they offered me 100 bucks and said that what I asked was to expensive and to new to be charging that much. I just said thank you for your advice hope you have a good day. Now rather then blowing up, and thinking I wasted time or am on the wrong path. I just see it as a learning experience and that I atleast still got to practice drawing. Much love everyone never let anyone define your worth
25 Likes
Wow way to go Mike!!! I’m glad u didn’t accept their offer. U have alot of talent and this is YOUR business. They definitely should not be telling you how much to charge. I’m glad u set boundaries with them 
and then… handled it so well and looked at the positive. This is amazing work my friend! Ur really making huge progress and just looking at things differently! I hope ur new meds work also!
5 Likes
Day XXX
I just told someone how they should find ways to control their spending and I do the Dumb shit like this
It followed me home can we keep
It?
23 Likes
Day 609
Time for Jess to go off on a bit of a night time ramble. 
I have been feeling all of the feelings lately! I mean don’t get me wrong I feel an over abundance of all the feelings all the time. The difference is — normally all of these feelings just compile into an overwhelming mess that just takes over and queue the panic attack — but lately they aren’t compiling. They’re separate. I can be sad about Sammi pup, worried about a friend, laughing with a coworker, frustrated at clients, enraged by my insurance company, anxious about starting with my new therapist next week…I can feel all of these things but I can calmly sit back and just exist within my body and my own space without the shaking overwhelm.
I just noticed this because I was really feeling social and all the good vibes the past few days even through the sadness and feeling all the other things. This afternoon hit me like a rock and I was crashing and wanting to crawl back into my shell and keep to myself, feeling just numb and withdrawn. I thought maybe it’s the gloomy weather, maybe it’s the work week draining me and the grouchy old doctor I had to talk to earlier. I thought maybe I was just feeling self conscious because I’ve been trying to participate and post around here more and so this afternoon I started to stop myself from responding to things.
But I realized there weren’t any new feelings coming up in this moment, they were just compiling again. I was letting myself drown in them. I took a step back and I let them go, let them pass…
Sure it’s something I’ve done in meditation practices before but to notice this spilling over into my daily life in everyday moments is just mind blowing. It’s just that small (but kind of enormous) indicator that the changes I’ve been making in my life are paying off in a tangible way.
21 Likes
So proud of you! Hope your night is still going well💖
2 Likes