How is everyone doing. Today is Day 114 and i can see how my brainwashing last year and a day like today would have caused me to fail last year. I immediately jumped on here to detail what’s happening to me. It’s been a day of little to no focus followed by bad news, a mistake that i missed on a job that will probably cost my company 7 to 10k. It’s not my mistake alone but it’s something i missed and i’m the first line of defense. After a day where my brain is crying out for Dopamine, i ended up on tiktok scrolling through(something i had not done). i immediately saw a fully clothed person started to dance suggestively and after around 3 seconds i turned off. Win the moment win the day. This combination of negative emotions coupled with my dopamine addiction trying to push me. No. Not only am i getting to 115 tomorrow. I’m getting to 365 in 250 days. Bro’s there are days where it seems you can’t do right and everything is going wrong. Your ‘little monster’ might try to push you to ‘fake comfort’ to look at something that will cause me the worst shame/pain. I dont have time for this false narrative that i need ‘comfort’ cause i’m having a bad day. Let’s correct this: stuff happens. Smile and appreciate where you are. There will be days like this. But i’m not trying to come out of this deeply saddened knowing that i failed. Nope. I’m getting all that out now. I dont have to turn to trash to get past negative emotions, smile and be thankful for this community and winning the moment.
This was absolutely beautiful and moved me in deep places.
Thank you 🥲
Checking in
Day25
It has been such a beautiful and relaxing day. Really needed this. I don’t even feel like I’m trying to be calm and relaxed… I just am. I decided to do my finger nails some cool animal print and my toe nails hot pink, did up some dishes and more laundry, vaccumed, and now I am working on the dreamcatcher gift for the dentist who is paying for the remainder of my hubbys dental work. Sweet woman she is!
I’m really feeling this one tho!! Dreamcatcher template made with design. 5" brass hoop, sinew, suede cord, and a quartz charm for the centre. Now the magic happens 
This is powerful!!!
Thank you thank you thank you
My words fail me at times…
Yessssss!!! I needed this… All of this.
Thank you 
Checking in with an attitude of gratitude…
Also Day 138 no ganja… Recieving the life my energy/frequencies are directed towards.
You’re very welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for your kind words and thank you for reading.
Checking in 799.
I was going to wait til tomorrow when it’s all fun and games and check in with 800. But I’m a bit stressed, so I’m going back to basics and checking in here. After all, you all got me where I am today.
Moving is fucking stressful. Moving sucks! Moving sober for the first time without my crutch is going to be an awesome new task. I know I’m up for it. I got time under my belt. I can do this. But I got this here pit or void in my stomach that counted on me bellying up to the bar to sooth it. Well that’s not gonna happen. No, it’s not!! I told my wife how I felt. She forgets sometimes and she can just pour herself a glass of poison if she wants too. I’m not judging. That’s her. It’s ok. But I told her this is different for me. And if I get stressed and angry be ready for the rapid fire apologies. I even had a small panic attack that kept me awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night last night. About moving. All my deep breathing and meditation tools didn’t seem to help. I just couldn’t quiet my mind and get back to sleep for a couple of hours. But I lived through it. Sometimes that’s what we got to do.
After making a few phone calls today I will have my mover guy at the condo next week and probably get everything moved out really soon. Then get it on the market. Things always seem to happen very fast for me when I get to work on something. I have a habit of not fucking around. 
So, I got that going for me.
I’m not going to drink about that today though.
And I’m probably not going to drink about that tomorrow.
Thanks y’all for being here for me. Always. Just for today. Right!
ODAAT
Congrats on 25 days Dana. Reading how calm and relaxed you are just helped me. Getting ready for my Pilates workout. Let’s see the hot pink, relaxing on the sober leg selfie thread, if you’re willing.
Proud of you girl. Keep it up. I know you’re sooo worth it.
And, I’ve been admiring all the time you’ve been putting in on here to protect your recovery. Great job. Keep it up.
Checking in on 19… my cold is getting better but it really knocked me down I went to the doctor twice and the ED. I thought it was possibly COVID i tested negative twice and negative for strep and the flu they said it was just a cold and i would have to ride So today i feel a bit better. My new job has been going well I finished my second week of orientation today and I’m loving the morning schedule and getting home early … my body is finally adjusting to the 5am wake ups 
. I hope everyone is staying well & safe Be blessed!
I’m glad you shared. Moving is so stressful, but I know you can get through it. 800 days is a serious number and I can’t wait to see you check in tomorrow.(or later if you need to!)
Thank you for the very kind words Eric. Really 
it means alot! I wish that peace and calmness stayed with me tho. I have some pretty intense urges to use right now. When u said that mindfulness or meditation just doesn’t seem to cut it… thats me right now too. But sometimes… all u can do is live thru it… like u said.
I’m sorry things are so rough for u right now. Stress is a huge trigger for alot of us I think… as it is for me too. I’ve really been trying to STOP and PAUSE. like sometimes I need to literally just sit and breathe and slow the f down. Sounds like ur super busy and I thot id mentioned that cuz it usually helps me when I’m super busy and overwhelmed. I really hope things go well for u ERIC 
if u keep feeling triggered, keep reaching out. Hugs!
Well the girls went with they’re mom at they we’re supposed to stay the night with her.They left at 5 and as soon as they left I started crying, I wanted to relapse I kept playing it over and over and I was just trying not to move. Then my phone rang, dadddyy can we come back and stay with you I can’t lie I just wanted to cry more but I’m not saying no to my girls. So they came back got milkshakes and watching a movie. I have to remember feelings are not facts and I’m obviously doing something right. I am glad they came back bc they definitely saved me from doing something stupid. So yeah much love
Thank you so much for this. Today, cPTSD has been jumping up and down on my head, telling me I am stupid, dumb, failure, waste of flesh, and more. I will NOT give up my 71 days for the past. I am here with you. We WILL get through this shitty day, and many others. 
one minute at a time and iwndwyRIGHT NOW!
Life can be so surprisingly wonderful at times. I’m really happy for you and for the girls.
Checking in
Day25
It’s sooo ridiculous that I went from feeling so peaceful and calm and having a good day, to anxiety and being shaky, to wanting to use. The cravings were definitely more intense today. But I’m thinking coffee had something to do with it. Caffeine rarely effects me but when i think back, I did have alot of it. I make my own cold brew coffee that steeps for about 12 hours and I seemed to have drank 3/4 of the entire pitcher 
Having this anxiety and shakiness, seemed lead to increased stress and thoughts of using. I just tried to keep focusing on breathing and taking deep breaths. Reminded myself of how Id feel if I messed up (and at day 25 at that). Im feeling abit better… and i just finished eating something tasty. Something not processed either so that’s good. Will take it easy and relax and slow myself down. And enjoy the night!
@Dazercat way to get through the stress and stay sober! You got this and are an inspiration for me.
@Butterflymoonwoman scary that caffeine made you feel like using… way to get through the cravings!
It really is strange how things can change so quickly. I woke up feeling sooo excited for my day and it did not turn out as planned. I ended up in tears and just feeling soooo emotional. I’m still feeling a bit off… Almost bought a bottle of non alcoholic wine -but didn’t. I don’t even what to go there right now. I’m afraid it might lead to more at the moment. I just think it’s better not too. My head hurts a little. Too much thinking today. I’m exhausted. @Butterflymoonwoman I totally get affected by caffeine too. I don’t know what the rules are on here about suggesting natural supplements but honestly L-theanine -if you take it with caffeine it really takes the jtters away. L theanine is a natural amino acid also found in green tea. Anyway, it works for me for anxiety especially if I have too much caffeine but I’m trying to cut down on coffee because I find I’m even more sensitive to it now. I hope you can find some peace tonight Dana. I’m going to try to have a bath. It will be my first bath in a while without a drink on the side of the tub. Maybe I’ll actually be able to focus on reading my novel instead of reading the same sentence three times over
I’m not sure if it was necessarily caffeine 
but I did drink too much I think cuz I got jittery. If I was drinking decafe tea or something, I don’t think I would’ve felt anxious inside and shaky, which then made me feel irritable and stressed out and restless. I can handle alot of caffeine most days (which isn’t good tho… I used to tale caffeine pills like they were going out of style lol, pre workouts and coffee) but today was soo different. And literally all I could think about was how I felt like using and how I think coffee contributed to that
I feel u on the quick change emotions girl 
I’m sorry ur day didn’t go the greatest. I was actually thinking of a bath myself later tonight lol they are super relaxing! I usually put bath salts in mine and add 6 drops of lavender essential oil. I’ll put on nature sounds or even a guided mediation and zone out while in the bath. They can be so therapeutic. I hope u find some calmness in ur evening too. I’m so very proud of you. U have been faced with so many challenges since getting sober and it’s hard some days for sure, but ur killing it!!! Really… u are!! Sometimes it’ll feel like we are going many steps back but as long as we don’t pick up, we have a fighting chance at feeling everything we really crave… not the false sense of peace or calm or reduced stress that drugs/alcohol give us (which as we know are all lies)… but true inner peace, acceptance love, calmness, serenity, joy, hope, patience, and self love and self respect. Remind urself that ur worth fighting for and that u just need to get thru it 1 min or 10 min or 1 hour at a time. Go to bed early if u can and just end the day. Tmrw is new and a fresh start for new possibilities in recovery. And I am saying this to u bcuz I care about u and ur recovery but I guess I’m kind of saying this to myself too lol cuz I needed to remind myself of these things too to help me get thru my craving.