I’m not sure if it was necessarily caffeine 
but I did drink too much I think cuz I got jittery. If I was drinking decafe tea or something, I don’t think I would’ve felt anxious inside and shaky, which then made me feel irritable and stressed out and restless. I can handle alot of caffeine most days (which isn’t good tho… I used to tale caffeine pills like they were going out of style lol, pre workouts and coffee) but today was soo different. And literally all I could think about was how I felt like using and how I think coffee contributed to that
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I feel u on the quick change emotions girl 
I’m sorry ur day didn’t go the greatest. I was actually thinking of a bath myself later tonight lol they are super relaxing! I usually put bath salts in mine and add 6 drops of lavender essential oil. I’ll put on nature sounds or even a guided mediation and zone out while in the bath. They can be so therapeutic. I hope u find some calmness in ur evening too. I’m so very proud of you. U have been faced with so many challenges since getting sober and it’s hard some days for sure, but ur killing it!!! Really… u are!! Sometimes it’ll feel like we are going many steps back but as long as we don’t pick up, we have a fighting chance at feeling everything we really crave… not the false sense of peace or calm or reduced stress that drugs/alcohol give us (which as we know are all lies)… but true inner peace, acceptance love, calmness, serenity, joy, hope, patience, and self love and self respect. Remind urself that ur worth fighting for and that u just need to get thru it 1 min or 10 min or 1 hour at a time. Go to bed early if u can and just end the day. Tmrw is new and a fresh start for new possibilities in recovery. And I am saying this to u bcuz I care about u and ur recovery but I guess I’m kind of saying this to myself too lol cuz I needed to remind myself of these things too to help me get thru my craving.
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Checking In
Clean Time: 3 Days
Today was rough, but also I had a bit of a breakthrough…
My mind was all over the place and I was just joking around with one of my co-workers trying to keep my mind busy… Going into work at all has been extremely difficult & today was my second day in a row going and making it through my entire shift. One of my supervisors rudely asked me when I was going to grow up… I brushed it off in the moment, but it really bothered me. Using has been heavily on my mind, I have been struggling with depression, and the second I try to have a little fun I get criticized for it. I had been very productive at work as well so I don’t know.
Also. I found out I’ve been being treated for the wrong mental illness for 13 years. I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Turns out it was ADHD… No wonder the medication wasn’t working. 
But I didn’t use so there’s that. 
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You didn’t use. You made it through 
Congratulations!
It’s frustrating when people are so inconsiderate and rude. I find it’s hard not to take things personally.
Im so proud of you for making it though.
Wow, 13 years in the wrong medication! It’s about time they figured it out. Frustrating that it took so long, but such good news that this could make a huge difference for you now.
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This is my fav grounding technique. I like using cinnamon gum for the taste cuz it’s so overpowering lol
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It’s day 8 for me, I have a killer headache today so I’ve just been taking it easy. My cravings weren’t as bad as they have been and my skin is starting to feel better, so progress! Yay!!!
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Yay!!! Way to go girl on 8 days!!! Nice to hear that things are easing up slightly for u 
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I’m feeling really guilty now because I haven’t studied this course I’m trying to complete for work since I’ve been trying to get sober but I honestly can’t focus on it. It’s not even a course that I actually need , I just really wanted to complete it to have an extra certification behind my name. I’m trying to remind myself that being sober right now is honestly the most important thing. I thought about grabbing my books out and I’m just feeling super stressed and all I want to do is sit down eat my peanut butter ice cream and watch an episode of Superstore. I’m going to not feel guilty about it because I really just need to do this for myself and remember that the most important thing is that I don’t have a drink tonight.
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I vote for this option.
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Thank you for making me smile 
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You will have lots of time to add certificates behind your name, life isn’t a race. The best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and look inwards.
Besides…
Peanut butter icecream is my fave!
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@PaigeTurner I’m glad that was useful to you.
@Dee134 Great job on your 11 months!
@Dazercat Moving really is so stressful! So is getting a place ready to sell. It’s just a lot of work and stress. It sounds like you need kitty loves.
Hang in there. Nothing lasts forever. For now we can celebrate you moving inot the 800s. 
@anon53116147 I’m glad your girls were there for you in the way you needed to keep going forward.
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Day 35.
Almost everybody I know who I used to rely on as a support network is gone or gradually disappearing…
My psychologist… People I started out connecting with on this app… Even family… Everybody seems unable to stay in my life in any deeper or meaningful way due to living their own… I’m alone…
Even most people on this lovely app seem to ween off it once they start finding themselves. But I haven’t… Family is far away and busy. My psychologist has barely become available for half an hour every three pathetic weeks now. And now that I’m actually holding onto my sobriety for once, my support network suddenly seems so unstable…
Living with social anxiety, and recovering from depression and serious addictions, I’m doing miraculously well(!) but kind of totally alone when it comes down to it right now… No partner or friend in my life who knows or cares on a deeper level. Not that my above 3 mentioned struggles make changing that easy. Maybe the occasional and nice heads up from here or elsewhere, but nothing persistent, and I seem to have to try harder and harder to keep any semblance of a support network in my life!
The lesson or reality maybe is that I need to learn to be able to depend upon myself to shine. To love, give, manifest etc WITH OR WITHOUT external input!
Not easy… No wonder I’m always stressed. And stress is fuel for anxiety, which is fuel for depression, which is fuel for addiction. So something needs to change. Hell, maybe my approach or expectations are wrong…
Anyways, I feel like I’m in a rut and just want to scream.
Plan for today:
- Take a cold shower
- Stretch and meditate for an hour to a guided meditation audio
- Eat something healthy
- Go to work
- Make sure I do not go to bed later than 12:30am again!!
- Be totally mindful of negative triggers.
- And follow every step(!) of my neglected daily routine to-do-list starting tomorrow again, maybe I’ll post it for yous
The world’s not the problem, my mind is. So back to the start if I have to, I’ve been there and can do this… I’m feeling inadequate because I’ve stopped manifesting what I need to grow, and expect more from the outside than inside…
Breath… What got me here? 
Have a good day guys. 
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I’m totally working in this too. It’s not related to severe social anxiety, but I often feel alone, as I don’t let a lot of people into my life because I have been hurt so many times.
I do feel so grateful for this place though. I feel like it’s a personal journal you can write in, but your not completely alone with your thoughts. There’s always someone there to listen. I’m listening to you. I recently posted a quote in the mental health memes. It reminds me of what you’re writing about. Hold on, you’re not alone💜
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I understand what you are saying. My husband just took down 3 rum and cokes and last he drank 2 bottles of wine by himself. It isn’t bothering me yet but I am starting to wish he would get it under control before my cravings really start kicking back in. Right now I am in the euphoria honeymoon stage. I feel invincible. But, this is going to get harder and his drinking is going to make it hard for me to walk away from wanting a drink myself. It scares me…no, I am terrified.
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Oh gosh that’s tough. Other than him still drinking is he supportive of you?
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I hear ya Mae. My wife still drinks. Sometimes a lot.
I started a thread for people like us if your interested.
Your not alone.
It might get harder. But it can be done. And it’s so worth it.
@Miranda thought I’d tag you too.
Oh and big fan of the peanut butter
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Good stuff, these grounding techniques. Mines a little different, but they work for me. I can’t find mine.
. But I remember how to do it. But thanks for the reminder.
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1008
Coffee. New workweek starting. I think I’m up for it, although I’m not totally rested. I’m sober and clean. As I hope you all are. Because it’s the only way for all of us. Have a good weekend all, or at least as good as you all can. Love from Amsterdam.
@Dazercat You keep your stuff together friend. I know you will. Why and where you’re going this time?
@Caite1025 I drank two bottles of wine a night. With some extra hard stuff added. I’m SO glad I don’t do that no more. And now the thought of doing that abhors me. I do understand how hard it is to sit and watch. But if you persist it will get easier, not harder. Promise. Help from people in the same position will help too. Hugs.
@1in8billion That’s a very healthy perspective you’re ending your post with. Keep on to that. People come and people go. Only very few stay. But we’re always with ourselves right? Congrats on 35. Keep going.
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