I am actually able to get it treated, they just want me to pass two urine screens first. 
They were thinking that a big reason for me using is because it helps with my ADHD for a little bit until the negative effects start kicking my butt. 
So their thought process is if I get treated for my ADHD the urge to use will decrease. I still realize I am 100% an addict. I will be giving my mother (who is my next door neighbor) my script so that I will not run the risk of abusing the medication at any point.
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70 days again. I been thinking today of the lockdown time and being drunk most if it, I had just surrendered (again!!) before lockdown, to face to face NA rooms and had 2 months clean time, but definitely not enough tools to deal with lockdown mentallyā¦
Then thinking again, about surrendering last year to the online meetings, getting a sponsor, doing steps,and doing considerable clean time until Decemberā¦
Usually that would be where I would depart the rooms and this app, for a few months to a year ā¦ Not this time. Fuck that old me. I choose growth, change, courage, and watching others in the same boat as me do the same. One day at a time, through mindfully connecting with life and not the obsessive thoughts. 
š« 
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Oh cool! Thanks so much! Iāll take a look for this one! How r u doing otherwise?
I found it! It looks painful! Those little spikes lol
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Lol itās a work your self up thing. It does hurt a little at first but for me it definitely helped and it relaxes me like crazy. And im doing ok I geuss, I really want to use my new machine but have not had a chance. And idk Iām just tired
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@Butterflymoonwoman this was amazing to read 
canāt wait to see the finished piece 
congrats on passing your previous PB 
@SoberWalker Iām so sorry you have to wait some more, but glad they have reassured you all will be well in the end 
@Chikai welcome 
congrats on 4 days
@Eddieroots welcome congrats on double digits
@Sabrina80 congrats on your week+ and for the success at work
@HillbillyChris the helplessness of leaving a pet at the vets for surgery is so hard, glad your pup is okay and that you got through it 
@icebear congrats on 9 months
@anon53116147 You are an amazing Dad and itās clear your girls love you very much even when not all of their words and actions make you feel worthy. Sending strength
@anon9289869 sending strength I hope you can connect with the therapist youāve found online 
@Kaeo belated happy birthday 
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@Olivia thank you Iām sorry you understand the struggle too. 
@SelfLove_42 congrats on the win
@Dee134 congrats on 11 months and the 138 days
@Dazercat moving is literally one of the biggest stressors, sending strength you can 
% make it to the other side of this with 800+ days, congrats on that , of sobriety intact
@WitchyKitty congrats on your week+ I hope your head feels better today
@1in8billion I can totally relate, sorry things are like this for you too 
sending strength
@Misokatsu sending strength
@zzz maybe do not go to the party if there is pressure and expectation to drink. Be completely honest with your partner and ask for her support.
@Clarity have a lovely time
@Lorelai congrats on 900 days enjoy the Chinese 
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@Miranda good luck 
please spam the 'āwhere my cat peopleā thread with kitten photos if things work out 
@Tomek glad youāre home and can hopefully relax a bit, good luck with your non-smoking
@DryIn785 Iām glad work is going well I hope you get your pay ASAP
@Lousul congrats on getting your job back
@Hazy congrats on 70 days
579 days no alcohol.
44 days no cocaine.
21 days no binge-eating.
The visit with my new friend/potential new sponsor went well, we chatted loads and I had baby bunny cuddles and lots of kisses from her staffy 
but then her bf called to say heād finished work early and was round the corner, it was clear from her response that she hadnāt told him I was going round, and I had a very bad experience of a similar situation when I was 14 where the partner of a friend got home and was totally not okay with me being there, so I left.
Therapy was really good yesterday.
Went to the Saturday meeting today, it was good, there were 5 of us this week.
Feeling much better in myself. Really want to try to get back to the gym and swimming soon though, it annoys me daily that I havenāt overcome this hurdle yet, it has been 8 months.
I hope youāre all having wonderful sober weekends
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Baby bunnies 
!
Sending courage to get to the pool! I do love a swim. Last time I went a man physically jumped when I got in the same lane and went to the next one 
. Foreigners are that scary! At least a group of little old ladies was friendly, but kept commenting how āmassiveā I was, Iām 5 ft 7 
.
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800! 800! Congrats!
You fucking rock!!!
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the inspiration and support.
You are AWESOME!!
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Day 173
My sleep has been great, my mood has been good.
Today isnāt even in itself great, nor is it bad, its just another day.
Another day SOBER that is!
Took a bit of time off to be lazy today after my morning routines then decided to begin the arduous task of cleaning up storage in my devices and fighting to format as well.
Will be time to hit the gym soon followed by dinner and bed.
Itās strange that I havenāt been fighting with sleep, itās the first time in such a long time that itās been this consistent without medication or stress or sleep aids.
Tomorrow I will spend walking around downtown, doing some shopping and getting out of the house probably accompanied with a good amount of Starbucks
I hope everyone enjoyed/is enjoying their saturday!
Itās been a beautiful and sunny day here in socal 
There was a knock at the door earlier that was identical to yours. Sadly, it was not you.
But I already knew that.
It was an unexpected visitor, nonetheless.
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Day 85!!!
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Day 9 here. I had some serious cravings today, but I am fighting them. On the plus side, my headache went away so that is a huge plus. I think Iām gonna watch some Supernatural and cuddle with my cats and stick it out.
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Checking in
Day26
Really having to be present and not take on hubbys crappy mood right now. I got home and literally nothing was done to help around the home. So as soon as I came in, I immediately got to work on cleaning, making supper with frozen beef (which i asked him to take out to thaw), and finding shit for him that he canāt find so that he can tattoo himself. The tattooing is fine (this isnt the issue), but he is mumbling under his breathe, cursing and being negative cuz his stencil machine isnt working. I always feel responsible for things going wrong (this stems from my past and Im aware of this), but I also get resentful most weekends cuz there is always things to do around here. He did tell me tho that he was having shitty thoughts and he was bored today so that is why he was wanting to tattoo himself. Outside of shitty thoughts and boredom, every weekend itās the same thing with the lack of help from him. Itās to the point that I expect it. Obviously if itās bothering me I should say something and ask for help around hereā¦ but I donāt. Cuz he was bitchy today and I pick my battles with him. So I go to the bathroom to deep breathe. Remind myself that Iām not at fault for his negativity. That this is on him to deal with. I can only control myself and how I react. So I go out to the living room, ask him if there is anything I can do to help. Then begin making supper mindfully. Thatās all I can do. But I need to learn how to manage my thoughts and emotions bcuz they are triggers for me to use. Thankfully my urge to use is small right now. Once I eat my famous, cheesy hamburger helper (
probably one of the few things I CAN cook lol), we will feel better. We are both hungry.
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7 13/16 M AF Checking in abstinent but activated from m/c ride, just the everyday danger involved. Fear was challenged just getting out there, and glad for it.
Just a few more self care things today including power walking and trying to stay mindful.
Let us āRejoice in our daily routines and basic goodnessā quote somewhere from Buddhism.
Much love to our fellowship here š§āā:hugs:
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Day 11 of no self harm.
Really struggling. Not necessarily with an urge to self harm but just an urge to give up. Iām doing so poorly both physically and mentally. I donāt know how much longer I can keep fighting to get better.
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You are an inspiration for me! I just hit day 6
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