Checking in, day 496 no alcohol, day 6 no smoking. It was a busy day but I managed to go for a little hike and then for a run in the evening. It felt really good, the weather was great and my lungs handled it a lot better than before. I didn’t crave cigarettes today, not even when I got pissed off, so that was good.
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@Minatasha sending strength 
@Butterflymoonwoman another stunning creation 
@Nowenbrace congrats on 8 months 
@anon53116147 damn no wonder you had a relapse dream after that, I’m so sorry your mom said that 
Maybe you should schedule some tattoos on the days the girls’ mother is supposed to have them, and then start learning to say ‘no’, I appreciate it must be so hard when you love them but you need time to do your thing too. Sending strength
@MrCade sending love and strength it must be a huge adjustment returning to a new ‘normal’ after some time away, wishing you peace 
Also, that’s a cool number you’ve got there congrats
@Mephistopheles feel better soon
@Mno sending strength and hugs to you too 🫂
@Seb congrats on 70 days
@JennyH it’s such a refreshing feeling to come out the other side, relieved for you 
congrats on 40 days
@LeeHawk thank you 
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@SelfLove_42 congrats on 4 months
@roses4me congrats on 50 days
@kat261 congrats on doing the next right thing
@Chikai I hope today goes better for you 
@Sanuk congrats on double digits
@anon86198612 congrats on 60 days
@Its_me_Stella I’m so sorry your mom hurt you like that
@Minatasha I’m sorry about the transphobia and rudeness of your colleagues sending strength and solidarity 
584 days no alcohol.
49 days no cocaine.
26 days no binge-eating.
It happened today, I was wondering when it would, and have also wondered how I would think/feel when it did. I received a text from a dealer with a “new number”. My facial expression was 
and then I deleted the text within seconds of receiving it. Relieved that I wasn’t triggered, didn’t think I would be, but I find it hard to believe sometimes.
I visited my friend that just got out of hospital, I thought it was going to be really awkward laying on his bed with him (he’s on bed rest), but it really wasn’t. We watched an episode of the new modern day remake of Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, it was good, though I can’t watch the rest as I don’t have Sky at home.
My glasses kept pushing one of my nostril piercings out a bit as it was in a different position and angle to the left one, I spoke to the piercer and she said to take it out and let it heal for 2-4 weeks then to go back in and she’ll repierce it free of charge.
I have been resisting binge urges all day. Thankfully the place where I would order from is now closed as of 4 mins ago, so I am safe and ready for my weigh-in first thing in the morning.
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Hey Mike, thanks for your honest share.
This brings up something that I read in Allen Carr’s books. After using, one feels more moody, irritable, and angrier than before. And when one is trying to stop using a willpower method, or trying to just moderate, that sense of moodiness tends to linger. And sometimes, that irritability can take a toll on close family and friends. It’s almost like they’re going through the withdrawal process as well.
Allen Carr even goes on to state that sometimes, he found himself acting purposefully irritable so that his family could give him permission to pick up again. Hey! It’s not my fault that I picked up. They gave me permission! Thus, avoiding personal responsibility.
If a family member says something like that to me, I would ask that person if I’ve been acting extra irritable or moody lately. The person would most likely say, “Yes!” And I would have to take a good look at myself to see how much value I’m assigning my DOC.
I know that there are times when my mind plays tricks on me. My addiction promises me something that it can’t deliver. That’s what it’s designed to do. To pull me in and leave me wanting more. But if I can’t see past that lie, I’m left in a state of dry drunkenness; always moody, missing out, deprived, etc.
Recovery shouldn’t be like that. For most of my life, I basically white knuckled it. But now I know better than to fall for the illusion. Since the promise of fulfillment was empty, I can no longer honestly say that I was enjoying my drug. I used because I was addicted. And since I now know that my drug has no value, choosing recovery is no longer an uphill strenuous battle where one small trip up will cause me to come crashing down in a pile of rubble. Sobriety is much easier now and a lot more fun.
I’m not certain how much this applies to you because I see how hard you’re working your program. I just wanted to share my experience. Thanks
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Congratulations on your 30 days! It’s been such a battle for you and you did it! So happy for you!!
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You are a BADASS!!!
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Day 596
In a real weird mood today. My mind keeps making up these elaborate lies, that I know are lies, but nonetheless they’re so loud and overwhelming.
It made this morning’s workout take so much longer to get through because I just couldn’t focus. At the end of my workouts I usually do sprint sets along the road in front of our house - well when I started a set I looked down the road and I just kept running down to the turnaround at the end of the road and the rest of the way back home. I’ve been avoiding slow distance type running with some knee issues that act up after my injury last year but it wasn’t acting up so I just kept running and my brain shut up for about 12 minutes straight.
Now if only that silence would continue after the run ends that would be great.
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I’m so glad you didn’t use it as an excuse to drink. It does really help when you type it out or say it out loud doesn’t it? I’m glad you shared and I’m not laughing at you! We’ve all been there one way or another!! It’s good to reflect on your behavior and realize what you could have done differently. Hope you have a better night tonight❤️
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Quick check in
171 days sober 
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I know I was irritated at everything at the beginning. Your body and mind are going through some changes so try to ride it out. Also I know I felt like I was grieving when I quit, like saying goodbye to an old friend.
Anyway, you’re doing great, 
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Great job Kaitlyn!!
Keep up the good work.
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Oh gosh I missed this. 
Congratulations on your 8 months of the new you Owen. I’ll celebrate 8 months and a day for ya.
Great job my friend.
Really happy for you.
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Checking in another sober day ! It was one of those days where everyone is irritating me , plus not feeling well on top of that and real busy at work but I will stay sober through it !
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Checking in
Day31
Ive been feeling like I haven’t been on here much the past few days. Not as involved I guess. I try to check in and read the threads n posts. Today I was soo incredibly tired. I have no idea why! My eyelids all day were so heavy and no amount of coffee helped. My new meds got doubled today also (which I was expecting anyway bcuz most of the meds I have been on are higher doses anyway), so I’m starting that tonight which may make me even more tired for a few days. Tmrw is payday for hubby. He’s getting a decent cheque plus $$ for a tattoo. Will need to put my “armor” on and stay close to my recovery and my tools. I dont care how tired I am tmrw, I need/want to stay close and get off my butt and do the work! I’m not necessarily worried of relapse. I’m fearful sort of (if those are 2 diff things lol)… but I think it’s a healthy fear. I’ve come too far to go back to that crap. Over 22 years of off and on drugs use, I have relapsed way, WAY too much. The last 6 months or so are giving me signs that I just can’t do it anymore. My body is too tired and I’m mentally not stable enough to handle another relapse and all the shit that comes with it. I just feel it and that scares me. I’m so happy being clean. It scares me when I start to relax abit on stuff… bcuz I don’t know if that’s normal to do, or if it’s on the verge of relapse. They do say relapse happens over a period of time. It’s sort of like a build up of events etc. The last time relaxed on my recovery stuff, I ended up relapsing. So ya im scared. I’m sorry for not being as involved. It bothers me actually. I wasn’t even going to come on here to check in but I thought I should. Will spend more time on here tonight 
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You have nothing to apologize before. I completely understand that fear. As time goes on it’s natural to somewhat relax certain aspects of recovery. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being lazy. Like for me, I’ve been focusing on learning how to eat properly. So I’ve stopped checking in daily because that takes so much of my energy. You prioritize you. Keep those tools close and reach out when you need to. We are all here for you no matter how active you are
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16 days of no self harm.
I ate a bit more today. Last night I stubbed my toe so badly that under my nail is completely black and there’s blood under it. Don’t think the toe is broken but my god is it painful. I have to walk without my toes touching the floor or it’s awful pain. I’m feeling really down today,not sure why. School is becoming overwhelming. I’m so unhealthy that even my one class is too much. I even have accomodations so I get 2 extra days for assignments and it’s still too much. Next week I have to take on 2 classes. I’m gonna have to figure it out. Much love.
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Thanks Megan Lving life without addiction is such a balancing act. My natural tendency is to jump in and go full force and then other areas suffer. But recovery I feel is a healthy area to be going full force on. However there still is life to tend to. 16 days is incredible girl! Really proud of u. I love seeing ur posts and how hard ur fighting for ur recovery. I hope ur toe heals fast! That sounds painful 
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Always amazes me folks. As much as I have relapsed in the last few years, I somehow end up being sober on St. Patrick’s Day. Fortunately, I’m not feeling any temptation.
I’m a little worried about my physical health. I haven’t eaten real food for a while and I tend to just snack when I get home from work instead of cooking dinner. I rarely eat breakfast either. Got a letter from the health clinic saying they’ve been trying to reach me regarding my test results. So that could be good news or bad. No record of missed calls in my phone though. All in all, a good night. Lonely and boring, but sober.
Hope everybody had a good St. Patty’s!! 
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Checking in at the end of day 279. Thursday is always hectic and I am very tired, so time for bed. Glad that the weekend is almost here. Today was a beautifully warm day that thawed the mountains of snow and actually finally felt a bit like spring! Hope everyone is doing well.
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