Give the little girl all the love she missed out in, by loving and caring for yourself. Show her that you hear her, and nothing or no one is going to stop you now. Hug yourself tight and cry that pain away
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Hey Dana, maybe this has something to do with your feelings todayā¦
Also found this!
How does the Full Worm Moon affect people?
āPeople often find it easier to give up harmful and destructive habits during the full moon and prepare to start a new cycle in life. This is the ideal time for changing your lifestyle, creating healthier living habits, and breaking patterns that no longer serve a higher purpose,ā she adds.8 hours ago
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Checking in on day 280. Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
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@kat261 thank you 
I hope the diagnosis helps get some extra support in place for your son 
@Gbw3006 sending peace and strength feel better soon
@SadMemeQueen ouch! 
I hope it heals quickly and is less painful soon 2 days isnāt really much extra time, maybe go back to your tutor, be honest about how much youre struggling, and ask for it to be extended to a week, I know plenty of people that get an extra week so I think itās a reasonable request.
@Lotusflower thank you Des 
itās great isnāt it 
if I can figure out how to get Sky Go on my Firestick, my friend said heād let me have his info so I can borrow his account, Iām not very good with technology though so weāll see, Iād love to see the rest of it, although even in only the first episode, 2 scenes with Carlton were a little triggering for me, especially on the same day as receiving the text from a dealer 
I donāt think Iād ever lose my sanity enough to relapse again though
@Misokatsu thank you
@Butterflymoonwoman sorry youāre having a down day, sending strength all I know for sure is that youād have even less money for such things if you used. Remember to ask for what you need from your hubby, not just emotionally but stuff like this too, you deserve to have all of your needs met and for there to be balance in the relationship in all areas I was also going to say this could be your addict trying to orchestrate a relapse, but Iāve just read your later post and youāve already twigged on to this, great work re the meds, it can take up to 3-6 weeks for MH meds and dose adjustments to have an improvement, so Iād stick with it the jar and the fairy lights is such a cute idea 
@HillbillyChris sending strength
@zzz congrats on your week 
@Sabrina80 congrats on 2 weeks
@emi welcome congrats on your days so far
585 days no alcohol.
50 days no cocaine.
27 days no binge-eating.
Binge-eating urges are so strong, I donāt know how I havenāt given in yet, itās occupying so much of my thinking, I think thatās why Iām vaping so excessively to compensate. It didnāt help that although Iāve stuck to my adapted version of my diet, I have gained weight this week, so my addict brain is like āwhatās the fkin pointā 
Therapist asks me every week, what I think Iām trying to fill when Iām bingeing with everything , he acknowledges its either intense with things/relationships or Iām completely cut-off and put away.
Although it was only a short ārelationshipā with ex-sponsor, it was still very intense, and I told him some deeply personal/intimate things. The way he hurt me was deep and triggering, by telling me my feelings were bs, as my therapist has helped me to acknowledge today, this was how I was treated/made to feel after my mum died. The therapist also explained that the endings of relationships always carry with them the feelings of the endings of all past relationships, so its no wonder Ive been feeling/behaving similarly. The hard part is, when Iāve ended past relationships, Iāve rarely had to see or speak to the people again, but I would like to continue going to the Tuesday meetings, so it may be something I have to face now, I need to figure out if itās worth it.
After therapy, I did three meditations, for only the 2nd time since mid-december, then forced myself to lay still and breathe;, in the darkening light and silence, I feel asleep and awoke 2hrs later. It did feel good to stop , I havenāt been still or stopped since the ābreak-upā with my ex-sponsor.
This weekend Iām going to stop and be still more, it felt very good and healthy. Iād also like to do some reading and for this to become a daily thing again. Also have the smaller, less formal meeting tomorrow afternoon.
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@Tomek congrats on a whole week smoke-free, in my previous attempt Iāve always found it gets much better after the two week mark, stick with it
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Wow, thank you SO much, thatās amazing, I will install it tomorrow
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Thatās my favorite !
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Itās very refreshing 
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I do the exact same thing. Thinking forever is just way too much. Just get through today and then watch the days add up! Itās amazing. Congratulations on 2 weeks! I just had to double check my days of Sobrietyā¦18! Whohoo! I think itās getting easier!
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Again!.. im so proud of you! U blow me away with ur insight and just how much uv grownā¦ honestly it just feels like yesterday u were struggling alot more and unsure of the path that u were on and here u are it is truly incredible to read ur posts. Thank u for ur insight also on whats going on. I need to learn to ask for help. Instead of getting resentful I need to ask for what I need. He canāt read my mind. This is soo tough for meā¦ idk why. But sometimes the biggest growth happens in THE most uncomfortable situations. My mind hasnāt been this āunwellā in a while and Idk why. But I am still clean 
and nothing ever gets better if I use. Thanks for the post! Hope ur night has been good!
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Checking in
Day32
Im still clean and still not feeling well. Literally have kept telling myself, āYou already feel like shit so why would u wanna use and make things worse?ā. I honestly donāt know whatās going on but If I still feel like Monday I will be calling the Dr in case this is med related. I donāt think my hubby knows how to be supportive when Iām not well. He usually doesnāt seem to know how to take it. So he does nothing and I end up laying in bed just by myself and doing my own thing. Thatās ok I guess but once again Iām forced to ask for what I need from him. I expect the same treatment that I give to him when heās not well in some way, and most often I get a cold response. I didnt even tell him about our 1 month cleanā¦ hes not counting days or anything. Its a big deal for me but not for him. So be it. Expectations suck 
Anyway, I work this weekend coming up so that might be a good distraction. Hoping to get some rest tonight and feel better tmrw. Iām grateful to be clean tonight. It was a tough one today. Hubby was hinting (he didnāt flat out say it), but I know him well enough to know when heās hinting at using. I just played stupid like I didnāt āget the hintā lmao. Thankfully he didnāt ask outright. But I wouldāve said no anyway. I also think I need to start addressing my emptionak eating. I feel physicallg sick for how much I ate today. Ultimately im clean but this is not good. I wont go into detail but i litterally ate about 2-3 days worth of food today. I feel physically ill now too. Just gonna try n do some self care and drunk alof of water. Very, very grateful for u all tho. I honestly dont know what Iād do without guys, cuz I feel so alone somedays.
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Congratulations!
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Day 597
Not much to say about today Iām just here. Still Jess - hopefully yāall donāt get confused by my name change. Working this weekend and really needing it to be chill and not too busy.
Sending love to you all! 
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Checking in 14 days sober today !
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Once this semester is over I may do that . I am very grateful for the 2 days but it doesnāt help much. But I really need all the tkme I can get
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17 days no self harm
Today was okay but I know tonight will be a struggle. Had a big argument with my parents and sister and of course I have somehow ended up as the bad guy. Itās typical. Just wasnāt expecting something as simple as asking my sister to not be super loud cleaning her room tonight to turn into a huge argument. I walked away and went to my room. Screamed into a pillow for a bit and played some guitar and I feel a bit better. Gonna try to keep busy tonight until Iām ready for bed.
I had a full meal today. Was really hard but I pushed through and kept it down.
Not feeling great at the moment have a mild urge to self harm. Iām keeping busy and I keep saying out loud ātomorrow will be differentā and that calms me a bit. I donāt like to say tomorrow will be better because thatās not necessarily true. But I do know that it will be different. Even if the only difference is minimal. No 2 days are identical
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Day 153
Happy Friday! Proud of everyone 
Love yāall.
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Yay!!! Way to go on 2 weeks!
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