Waiting for paint to dry. Its raining. Today is day 18. Wednesday.
Its actually worked out so well that my day changes at 8pm, when i first set the clock.
If im sober til 8pm already, its easier to get through cravings. And its heartening to already be 15 hours in.
Truly tired of bullshit at my job but i also need to work on my shitty attitude and inattentive work ethic.
Anyone in their late twenties early thirties and feel stunted and immature? How to get past??
I know ive got things to offer this world sober.
Sigh. Reading the pdf of Sister Outsider I got, it opens on Audre Lordes trip to an African-Asian writers conference in Russia and Usbekistan in 1976. She writes so incisively about the cities, the landscapes, her interactions with others, her hope and fear for peoples. I wonder what shed think about today if she was still here.
I know what i wind up giving to the world, it wont be fast, but itll be the total of what i bring to each day. It would be easier if i wasnt reading headlines. With climate change, my dreams are so different than they might have been.
Well, today im looking forward to having ginger tea+honey and a book in the evening, after a long day.
Congrats on day 37 and thank you for sharing this chart here. Truth!
My thoughts and experiences on desiring another human being to be there with me along certain walks in life and then they are not is real and I , too, have suffered and felt abandoned (if you will) by certain āfriendsā.
Then I remember that my higher power is in control and I believe nothing is by coincidence and when I put those two into the equation and also add that my āfriendsā are human with their own stuff going on. I conclude that maybe God is trying to elevate me, strengthen me and get me to rely and depend upon Him and no one else. Iām also shown that I make it through such circumstances good all by myself yet the only un-good was my attitude and choice to hold a grudge or be discontented at what I wasnāt getting from another which then circles back around to my addiction and tendency to put me and my needs as center of attention and there I amā¦ God revealing to me that I still have some stuff and character defects to address.
Thatās just me though on my journey.
I encourage you to ask your higher power what it is, if anything, that you ought to be learning from this situation. Then after the answer comes then perhaps asking or setting a lunch date with said friend and ask about them.
Just saw the sobriety clinic! If UA/blood tests go well I can be on Vivitrol by next Tuesday! Iām so excited! Iām gonna go grab a yummy tea at the comic shop to celebrate!
Finished moving to my new Recovery home in the master room. I honored to be able to live with women who are mature and motivated in their own recovery. Little to no drama here.
Had my 4th interview with a great Ministry out here and very prayerful that I am chosen. If Iām not chosen then I know that it doesnāt mean a firm NO it only means a NOT YET.
Encountered my first burst of old fury and murder with my mouth experience since getting clean this weekend. Someone said something to me that triggered old memories and feelings of being controlled, manipulated and lorded over, and I completely used my tongue to fire furious arrows at this person and it felt good. Then bad. Whewā¦ I can be surely the perpetrator in my own nightmare and really glad it occured tbh. It revealed some more that I need to look at and work through with my therapist and God and it also brought myself and this other human closer. We both apologized and got to know each other a bit better and dig deep into old habits and past experiences that drew us both to be so immature and nasty with one another. Pride is a serious stumbling block.
Iām off to help a friendās family with their company biz today. Taking service calls. The daughter of the family is also a Doula and she has three births this week. So Iām grateful to be asked and trusted to help.
This is SUCH a beautiful approach to this situation. Thank u sooo much for sharing. I often forget that everything is an opportunity for growth and an opportunity to learn. I will ask for guidance and insight when I sit down to pray soon. Iām not mad at her but the word āabandonedā that u mentioned rings true for me. Never really thot it as that until u mentioned it. I really appreciate you for sharing what u know. Thank u!!!
Checking in on day 56, I think Iām doing the white knuckle thing. How would I know that? I donāt go to aa meetings, I listen to them occasionally but donāt stay interested long. Iāve been trying to get my mental health treatment in order and some other chronic medical conditions, thats been my focus. Finding a therapist has been impossible though.
Trying to stick with a morning and night routine, eating healthy, exercise, sticking to a budget. I want to keep focusing on those things but am I missing something?
Hi, have you thought of reading? Iām reading Annie Graceās This Naked Mind atm and have almost finished Allen Carr. Iāve read a few others too, thereās a good list on here if you search. Iāve also been listening to podcasts, in the car and as Iām working. I love these, so informative and thereās loads to chose from.
Iām not sure what your doc is but thereāll be podcasts and books in every one.
Take care
Hi everyone, checking in on day 6. Today was tiring at work, and I was experiencing some weird feelings/ symptoms for cc. 3 hrs, including dizziness, nausea, a bit handshaking and a bad, muddy taste in my mouth. I had an extra coffee and drank plenty of water then those went away. I consider these as some kinds of delayed withdrawal symptoms. I got very tired, just took 0.25 mg of Klonopin, and flat out. Maybe a bit reading and evening prayer, then I will sleep like a baby for sure. Blessings to you all.
Reading this I know I am āthatā friend to somebody. My friend is going through a lot at the moment, some in her control, some out and a lot in the gray ether. Iāve had terrible feelings of guilt over my relationship with her. Iāve āabandonedā her in times of need. Iāve not responded for days when sheās reached out. I hate admitting it.
Butā¦ yes, sometimes I am at my capacity and Iāve had to decide at that moment do I feel strong enough as a person/human/friend to give her the support she needs? Sometimes that answer is no. Sometimes that answer is to let me sit and think about how she needs support, and that takes time. sometimes that answer was I read her message but was too busy drinking to respond. Or sometimes that answer has been Iāve given her support, Iāve given her coaching, Iāve helped her visualize a new perspective and she still chose another path. (Which is her right as an individual person). Iām not claiming any of these to be related to you and your relationship with your friend. some people are bad communicators, some donāt know how to help or support or listen, some are busyā¦. But sounds like she does care, in her own style.
Maybe you could talk with her. Everyone has their own ways of supporting and communicating.
But you also now have this community to check in, uplift you when needed
It is interesting to see it to from her point of view. Of course I will never know what is truly going on. She only shows me what she shows me. She does open up to me for certain things and she does have some mental health stuff going on also. I appreciate u stating sort of the other personās point of view. For example, this part about how she may not know how to help or even feel strong enough herself to help. I can even relate to that myself for on here. Some posts just take alot more out of me than others by providing suggestions or sharing experiences. Not bcuz of the other person, but bciz recovery can be draining Some days and I literally have no energy to type Some nights. My friend is also the woman who I compare myself to and at times have in the past been jealous of. Just of her relationship with her hubby (how supportive they are of each other and do things together etc), or her fitness (sheās a competitive body builder), or with her career choices etc. She obviously worked hard to get where she is at. My life is diff from hers. And thatās ok! I guess it comes down to self acceptance. I know sheās very busy. She tells me rarely has time for self care. And she tends to have the habit of feeling bad and holding onto that feeling, when she has done something āwrongā. I donāt want to add to her stress or make her feel even more overwhelmed in that she has to tend to me too. Like sheās a friend, not my counsellor lol. Just like my hubby, he isnāt my counsellor either. Itās find to chat about stuff but to put them in that role, is not their job.
not happy about it
Iām so excited! Iām gonna go grab a yummy tea at the comic shop to celebrate!
